I never got to go to it, he says, pouting. Teletext would never have coughed up the funds, and Digitiser was never friendly enough with the right sorts of PR people to get them to pay for a jolly. But let's face it - you don't need to go to E3 to get the E3 news pumped into your thighs.
In the wake of that first E3, we learned that Sony had unveiled its PlayStation, Nintendo had revealed its Virtual Boy, while Sega dropped a soft egg on the industry - making the surprise announcement that its Saturn would be released in the USA that very day, several Proud Jeremies ahead of schedule. Which, as history records, went really well for them...
For this year's E3 - kicking off next week - evidence seems to be pointing towards left-of-field hardware reveal-ohs from Sony and Microsoft, though they're unlikely to be on the scale of Sega's historic bombshell. Unfortunately, there's not much else to get excited about: the big games that we're expecting are mostly all sequels, or tread well-worn paths.
Many of them are likely to be good, but in terms of what's going to get me excited... I'm keeping my fingers crossed for the unexpected. Lest we forget, last year's E3 gave us The Last Guardian, Shenmue 3, and the Final Fantasy VII remake. Although it'd be nice if we got some this year that I actually cared about. Still, here's a quick run down of the games and things I'm semi-looking forward to hearing more about.
RDR2 - a droid - isn't confirmed, but it is strongly rumoured, following the supposed leak of map artwork earlier this year. IF it is announced at E3, it'll be the first game from Rockstar to be developed for the current gen systems, which in itself is reason enough to rub oneself with a frond.
Also: Red Dead Redemption was really, really good. The big challenge is in whether it'll offer enough that's new, after RDR pretty much managed to comprehensively lick every Wild West cliche imaginable... including the one about putting a sticky marlin under a tarp.
Well now. We all know a new Zelda is on the way - for both the Wii U and the mysterious Nintendo NX. Unfortunately, after Star Fox Zero I've become a little more wary of Nintendo. If they can burst the balls of a franchise as important as that, it's entirely conceivable that they could slip another plumb into their mighty "fool's vice".
Hopefully they won't - but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that New Zelda isn't bogged down with those little Nintendo idiosyncrasies. Nintendo is like that person you know who "Would be a really nice guy, if he wasn't always so weird". You know: the co-worker who promises to come to your birthday party, and then just doesn't show up, and when you go into work on the Monday he just acts normal, and never even mentions the party.
Also a worry is the level of anticipation and hype surrounding Zelda, and whether any game could ever be capable of living up to it.
What would be ideal is if Nintendo had something else down its trousers to whip out - something which took the pressure and focus off of Zelda. Pokemon Sun and Moon are going to be part of its presentation, but that franchise has become as predictable and clockwork as... well, a clockwork machine that reveals the words "the Sun and the Moon" at the same time every day, while emitting a rowdy parp. Needless. Sad.
I liked Titanfall. It was an under appreciated gem of an online shooter, with its big exo-robots and little men. It was, alas, short on content - and even its fans rightly decried the lack of a proper single-player mode.
A Titanfall 2 with a campaign is something I could anticipate liking even more than I like this noise: trrrrr-oooo-sssshhhhh-ffff! It might also give the series the leg up that it deserves - and it'll no doubt help that it's coming out for the PS4, rather than being another Xbox One exclusive. Nobody wants that, except for Xbox One owners, who are famously the most terrible people on earth.
The first Watch Dogs was like a neutered Grand Theft Auto, and widely mocked for it. However, I didn't hate it, and it clearly sold well enough for Ubisoft to slip a sequel into its development oven.
The idea at the heart of the concept - using hacking as a sort of environmental weapon - was pretty solid. Its car chases in particular were splendid fun: employing your phone to hack into the city's infrastructure, to sabotage your pursuers.
If they've found a way to inject a bit of character and humour into the story - and set it in a more compelling city than Chicago (supposedly, it'll take place in San Francisco: The Gayest Capital of the World) - it would go a long way. There's a strong enough central gameplay conceit that it deserves to be given a chance. Unfortunately, it'll probably be laboured with the same tired Ubisoft map n' missions structure that every open world game feels compelled to copy.
Dishonored was pretty good, even though I failed utterly to be as stealthy as the game required; they wanted me to stick to the shadows like a cat, where in reality I was like a distressed fox thrashing around in a bin. Also, I got badly stuck very near the end, and never finished it.
Dishonored 2 is confirmed for later this year, but the specifics have yet to emerge... beyond there being some sort of new skills tree. If that's the sort of thing that gets you excited then, y'know, good for you. But hey - steampunk, magic, and stealth. It's a mix almost as potent as a trough full of mogadons and dugong milk.
I wasn't a massive fan of Banjo-Kazooie... but I wasn't a fan of Ratchet & Clank either - and ended up loving the recent next-gen reimagining, simply because it felt fresh and new in a market bogged down with identikit urban shooters and fantasy guff-fests.
Consequently, in the wake of R&C I'm properly looking forward to Yooka-Laylee - basically a brightly-coloured Banjo-Kazooie reboot in all but name. Hopefully it'll be like getting hit in the face with a rainbow, while dressed like some ludicrous harlequin.
We know that PlayStation VR will launch in October. What we don't know is exactly what we're going to be playing on it, or whether Sony's going to release a beefed-up PS4 to give it some extra welly.
It's probably fair to say that VR hasn't exactly exploded into a mainstream pursuit, in the wake of the Oculus Rift and HTC Vive launches. We might have to wait for Sony to get involved in order for that to happen. That is... if it happens in the way that Sony wants.
The biggest concern is that the PSVR simply doesn't connect with punters, and becomes an unsupported peripheral like all the unsupported peripherals we've seen over the years - from light guns to the Kinect to that special bonnet Sega released, which dripped mushed clams down the wearer's back.
That said, while I've long been a Virtual Reality sceptic, I would be very happy to be proven wrong. Prove me wrong, Sony. I dare ye.
Some sort of hardware announcement is rumoured to be spilling forth from the Microsoft news-nozzle at E3. A smaller Xbox One or some sort of VR-style device seem to be the likeliest bets.
Also: Gears of War 4, Halo Wars 2, Dead Rising 4, and State of Decay 2. None of which get me particularly frothy, but I shall be watching the Microsoft press conference while sat astride my sceptic's stool, waiting for them to kick it out from beneath me.