Here we present a gallery of 12 very lucky children who couldn't be happier or more excited about the Super Mario face paint job they've just had done. Ta-ta-ta-ta-tah! Pa-ta-tatata-tah! Yeah!
Who doesn't love face painting? Once just the domain of progressive rock singers and terrifying circus performers, now anyone can get their face painted to look like a Spider-Man or a moth - be it at a party, fete, or Masonic gathering.
Here we present a gallery of 12 very lucky children who couldn't be happier or more excited about the Super Mario face paint job they've just had done. Ta-ta-ta-ta-tah! Pa-ta-tatata-tah! Yeah!
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What time is it? It is time for another round-up of everything you might've missed on Digitiser2000 over the last week or two. We don't think it's parping our horn unduly to say that the selection of features and videos below is unique in all of creation, or that this site has ever been in better health. Frankly, we find it a bit embarrassing and tawdry to beg, but if Digitiser2000 improves your life even the tiniest bit, you can help support it through Patreon, or by hitting the PayPal button on this page. It's SO easy. Most of the money goes back into running the site (we blew all of this month's Digi2000 income on decent video equipment, an animated logo, review copies, and t-shirt samples)... the rest of it puts food in our mouths, and means we can focus on Digitiser2000 without panicking about starving to death or being unable to pay protection money to "Fingers" Malone. Find out more here. If you don't want to dip your hand into your wallet/purse - which is fine - please help by sharing Digi2000 like mad with your friends, and ensure you subscribe to our YouTube Channel (it's a bit of an experiment still - but we're getting steadily better at it). Word of mouth will, hopefully, one day mean we can stop asking you for hand-outs. In the short term, however you choose to support us, we really, really appreciate it. Your backing, financial or otherwise, gives us the encouragement we need to keep Digi alive. Thanking! Here's the menu: FEATURES:
AN EMBARRASSMENT OF RICHES by Mr Biffo Are there too many games? 10 STUPIDEST ITEMS OF VIDEO GAME MERCHANDISE Sonic the Backpack. THE LIVING BUM: BACK TO SCHOOL GAMING GADGETS Get ready for the new term! 11 TERRIFYING FORTUNE TELLER MACHINES They will haunt your future... 20 AWFUL VHS VIDEO COVERS From the golden age of video. NEW STAR WARS MERCHANDISE CHECKLIST Make sure you've got all the toys! FIND YOUR METAL GEAR SOLID CODENAME Who will YOU be? WHO'S WHO IN METAL GEAR SOLID V A dramatis personae. 20 VINTAGE ALBUM COVERS THAT MIGHT MAKE YOU FEEL ILL The hair... the horror. REALITY IS OVERRATED: WHY MODERN GAME GRAPHICS BORE ME by Mr Biffo They do. VIDEO GAMES: A PRIMAL INSTINCT by Mr Biffo Genetics in gaming. REVIEW: METAL GEAR SOLID V - THE PHANTOM PAIN (Various) Game of the year? EVERYBODY'S CHANGED THEIR MIND by Mr Biffo No, Biffo - just you. QUIZ: CAN YOU SPOT THE HIPSTER? Journey to The Land of the Beard. 10 BLATANT MARIO RIP-OFFS In honour of Mario Maker. 32 BIZARRE AFRICAN MOVIE POSTERS They will make you amused. DIGITISER TV: THE TOP 500 GREATEST MINECRAFT CREATIONS Featuring Mr Biffo's Neighbour. REVIEW: Mad Max (PS4, Xbox One, PC/Windows) Suffers by comparison. THE TOP 10 WORST VIDEO GAME DOCTORS Physician, heal thyself. THE MOST BORING GAMING VIDEO YOU'LL EVER WATCH What is AMSR? MAN VERSUS GOOGLE CARDBOARD A failed attempt to inform. DIGITISER EATS: HOW TO MAKE BEER FROM BEER-FLAVOURED SNACKS Try it at home! ALSO: THE PREVIOUS ROUND-UP We run down 500 of the greatest Minecraft creations of all time - keep watching all the way through for a special appearance from Mr Biffo's Neighbour! Don't forget to subscribe and share! I'm currently reading a book called Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind, by Yuval Noah Harahi. It's worth picking up, if you've got any interest in how we tick as a species. The first few chapters - before he starts repeating himself endlessly about the significance of the written word - deals with what it was that set us apart from other animals. He talks about what led to us becoming the dominant species (and predator) on the planet. The short answer is: lots of things, but it was the agricultural revolution, when we lurched abruptly from being hunter-gatherers to farmers, that literally and metaphorically sowed the seeds of our civilisation as it is today. Mankind bred exponentially, and that caused all manner of problems - both ecological and psychological. What does this have to do with video games? Everything. Do you know the worst thing about not being one of those racists? It's this: worrying that you might've done something inadvertently racist. There's probably a wonderful freedom in knowing, and not caring, about your prejudices. For the rest of us - particularly those wracked with a sort of white, middle class, British guilt - life can be a maze of self-condemnation. Take this article you're about to read. It's a load of African movie posters from the 80s and 90s, some of which are rather liberal interpretations of Hollywood blockbusters. Viewed through the conditioning of our own culture and ignorance we find them really funny, which probably wasn't their original intent. Is that racist? It might be a bit patronising - a consequence of our cosseted ignorance - but probably no more patronising than Bono and Bob Geldof have a tendency to be with their self-serving philanthropy. Still, at least we're honest about it, and not pampered billionaires. And the posters are really funny. Please be aware... you might need a strong stomach for some of these... Mario Maker is here, and the consensus seems to be this: it's a real nice thing. Consequently, we are already being treated to slightly more phallus-inspired Mario levels than even we can stomach - and we can stomach quite a lot. Nevertheless, it's not the first time that Mario has influenced others to make games based upon his vaguely peculiar adventures. Here are ten such games that have done an impression of the Italian pipesmith, and then tried to get people to buy them - because who doesn't love a copyright infringement-based listicle? We'll tell you who: goddamn idiots. It's a-me, Nintendo's intellectual property lawyer! Modern games are beautiful to look at, right? With their sunsets, and shimmering water, and their trees that wave in the breeze, we've reached a point where in-game graphics are every bit as spectacular as the CGI cut-scenes of a decade or more ago. How many of us have stopped in GTA V or Assassin's Creed Unity to just take in the scene? But what is it that we're marvelling at, specifically? Recreate your own living room in a video game, and most of us would spend hours inspecting every CGI shadow, dust mote, and the pattern on the sofa. Do that in real life, and your family would start to worry about you. So what is it that grips us - if we're talking about games on an aesthetic level - when it comes to games recreating reality? Is it art, or is it merely simulation? Not every musical act can be a Justin Bieber, or a Lady Gaga, or a Katy Perry... but today's pop stars could learn a lot from the past. What the musical acts of yesteryear lacked in autotuning and bland, corporate box-ticking, they more than made up for in sheer talent and authenticity. Here we present a gallery of 20 album covers by artists who were - for better or worse - keeping it real. What does this have to do with video games you might ask? Allow us to explain that thusly: nothing. It's agreed: everybody loves The Phantom Pain. Unfortunately, they love it inspite of a plot that meanders and careens all over the place like the demented imaginings of somebody who has spent their entire life in a sea cave, hepped out of their mind on real bad turps fumes. At best, Metal Gear Solid V is a relentless parade of confusing elements, continuity, and out-and-out weirdness. At worst, it can make you question your own sanity. Here, to help you wrap your head around just what is going on in the this year's biggest game, is a quick dramatis personae of the main characters. Hipsters as we know them are a dying breed. That big, bushy beard which allowed the rest of us to identify the male members of this subculture of generally white, affluent millennials - who, lest we forget, do not themselves identify as hipsters, and would never consciously do anything as cliched as belong to a clique or subculture - are becoming ever more rare. And so, as the hipster evolves, just like our simian ancestors, they are becoming less and less hairy. Nevertheless, this past weekend saw World Beard Day, and - as refugees pour out of war-torn countries, and European governments twist in the wind to find a solution that ideally doesn't involve World War 3 - these young, carefully bearded, men flooded Twitter and Instagram with pictures of their faces, because they thought that might be something we'd all like to see. But while there's still some juice to be squeezed out of this topic... we must ask you the following: can you tell a real hipster from an olde timey-style person? There is literally only one way to find out: by immediately taking this important Digitiser2000 quiz. In the first edition of an occasional food-based series explaining why he's terribly fat and will soon be dead, Mr Biffo attempts to make a beer-style drink from sweets and a disgusting-smelling beer slime. We tried really hard to make you a video showing us making a Google Cardboard Virtual Reality headset. This is the result. Alas, The Phantom Pain isn't describing the existential agony suffered by those who have still yet to get over Star Wars Episode I. Instead, it refers to the phenomenon of phantom limb pain, whereby amputees feel sensation in missing appendages. Just between us, we still get a bit like that about a toy fire engine we once sat on... Why is this game called that? Because the game's character - Ahab, Big Boss, or Snake, or whatever he's called - wakes after a coma to find he's missing an arm... which soon gets replaced by a bionic prosthesis. Not your usual start to a video game, then. That is, unless you count last year's Call of Duty... See, once you get into The Phantom Pain proper, it becomes clear that it has - unexpectedly - been influenced by prevailing trends. For large swathes, it feels like one of those horse games they have nowadays: you know the sort - where you ride around on a horse, occasionally stopping to capture a village or outpost, and gather some backstory, and harvest plants that you can craft into other things. Superficially, it's sort of Witcher III via Far Cry 4, with a bigger emphasis on stealth and your character's vulnerability than either of those games. It even has a dog sidekick, like there was in whichever Call of Duty had a dog sidekick in it. |
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