My situation is no different from billions of others around the world. I've no greater insight than any of you may have into what's happening. I'm hardly unique in struggling to process the scale and seriousness of the pandemic.
I'm not alone in being worried about money. TV and film productions are shutting down all over the world. I'm still working for now - or trying to - but 50% of the income I was banking on this year depends on the shows actually getting made. Apparently, it's currently hard for productions to get insurance. The knife-edge of freelance life. Again, I'm hardly the only one suffering that uncertainty.
I've got a daughter who was due to get married in May. Whether that can still go ahead in some form is anybody's guess. I've got another daughter and a step-daughter in isolation right now. Neither of them live with me, but the common denominator between both is that they are quite social, and work with the public.
They're young. They'll get over it. That is, even if it is IT...
With testing now only being available to those with severe symptoms, and celebrities, they won't know for certain if they've ever actually had the coronavirus.
For me, it's more a signifier of how fast and far this has now spread, and how inadequate the government's response has been. Both my local hospitals have had deaths. Another of my daughter's schools has had confirmed cases (yet remains open)...
Most worryingly, I've got parents in their 80s. My mum has COPD and assorted other serious ailments, my dad had a stroke and a heart attack 18 months or so ago. It's them I'm really concerned for. I'm worried about what sort of care will be available to them when the NHS starts to collapse under the weight of all this.
And, of course, there's no end in sight to any of it. The most likely scenario that I can see happening is a pattern of lockdowns, followed by periods where we're all allowed out again, followed by another lockdown. And that this will continue until whenever it is they can distribute a vaccine. Realistically, we're a minimum of a year away from that.
For months now I've been fearing this was coming. It seemed obvious from the first reports coming out of China that this was different to SARS and Swine Flu, and all those other pandemics-that-never-were.
I fail to understand why the message still seems to be struggling to get through to some people. Why, as recently as this weekend, there were those still congregating in huge crowds. Such wilful, dangerous, ignorance, has made me angry. This isn't a 'Keep Calm and Carry On' situation. This isn't scaremongering. It's something that's happening now, and it isn't like there's a shortage of information available.
I was meant to be going to a concert tonight - former Marillion front man Fish, if you must know - but I knew at least a week ago that I wouldn't be going. Wisely, he has since taken the decision to postpone the tour until next year.
I suspect, for those of you wondering, that we'll have to make a similar call with Digitiser Live. It's not something any of us want, but in order to give people the chance to get refunds on travel and accommodation, we'll have to make the final call on that within the next month. It's likely there are just too many unknowns to plough ahead as if it's definitely happening. If we do go that route, it won't be cancelled, but we will find another date that'll hopefully be far enough ahead that all of you can still make it.
I'll be honest and say that now doesn't feel like the right time for pumping out comedical whimsical YouTube shows. On the other hand, I also know that many of you are now stuck at home, and we all need a respite from the constant news cycle of doom and gloom. We've still got a couple of Digi Deluxe eps in the bag, and then we'll be filming some new ones. Fortunately, I live with one of my Digi co-stars - Sanja - and another one of them - Gannon - lives a short walk from my house.
For as long as we're able we will continue to make our nonsense, and if you're able to support the ongoing endeavour, you can do so on Patreon. For $1 or more you get early access to videos, and news updates. For $5 or more you get more personal, in-depth, blog posts, plus occasional videos (deleted scenes, work-in-progress stuff - that sort of thing). Suffice to say, I suspect I'm going to have to rely on Patreon more than intended over the next 18 months.
Lastly, a note of optimism... I know this is scary. I'm scared about what will happen the longer it goes on. I'm scared that we have the wrong people in charge to get a handle on this. I'm scared of what the shape of the world will be once we come out the other side. I'm scared for myself, and my family, but I'm mostly scared for the world.
And yet I'm reminding myself that this will pass. We, as a species, have been through worse. My parents lived through World War 2 - a literal war that spanned the entire globe, and was driven by a genocidal maniac. There have been other pandemics, that we've mostly forgotten about. I'm optimistic that a vaccine will be found. In 18 months or so we'll look back on this year, as we're picking up the pieces, and think "Blimey - that was all a bit mad".
And we'll know to be better prepared next time.
Be good. Don't hoard stuff. Offer help to those who can't get out. And please don't go to gigs or the theatre or the pub, and stay away from those who are most vulnerable.
Oh... and heck - at least I won't have to go to any more bloody meetings this year. Silver linings.