As you may be aware, there's a brand new Doom on the way. Thousands have spent the past weekend playing the multiplayer beta, and declared new Doom to be "a good Doom".
It's never too late to climb aboard the so-called "Doom Train" - and to prepare you, we have assembled a list of the most iconic monsters ever featured in the Doom series.
Please cut-out-and-keep this important article, and refer to it whenever somebody asks the following question: "Please tell me... what are the many monsters of Doom?".
Also, two horns poking out of his chest, making the up-and-forwards movement of his arms, from his shoulder joints, virtually impossible - and meaning he can't even touch that thing on his head. Were that something he fancied doing during a quiet five minutes. He's quite good at doing bicep curls, however, but his shoulder muscles have withered to nothing.
Please, sir... in the new Doom can you make him shout "Get out of my yard"?
Doom's own Revenant is rarely to be found rolling around in the snow, because - and this is a fact - in Hell it hardly ever snows. Just ask the weathermen.
"Today's forecast: on fire."
Also, check out the double Go-Pros on his shoulders. This Revenant is a vlogger! Like, share and subscribe to his channel so that you don't miss a single one of his vlogs. Stay tuned for the exciting video where he shows you the haul he just picked up from Primark.
"I got a silver boob tube jerkin, and a pair of distressed red jeggings. Yes, again."
"Mummy! I want a balloon!"
"You can't have a balloon. I already bought you a flashing wand, and you kept waving it and annoying that lady in the seat next to us, even when I told you not to."
"I want a balloon! I want the one with the single yellow eye!"
"Fine. FINE! You can have a balloon, but it's the last thing you're havi - AIEEEE! I'M ABLAZE!!"
When you consider that this might make eating hamburgers and biscuits a challenge, it's a miracle that he's as down with the fatness as he is - perhaps he eats lard from a trough. Even then, we can't see him having sufficient flexibility to stick his face in there - at least, not without never being able to stand back up again.
Perhaps Hell has ceiling-mounted feeding pipes, which disgorge un-rendered pork fat directly into the mouths of its more obese inhabitants.
It's also worth noting the superficial similarities between the zombie marine and Jared Leto's depiction of The Joker. Though the resolution is too low to make out any details, we suspect it's likely that he has the word "Reanimated" tattooed on his forehead. You know: to make him edgy.
Frankly, we're surprised they're not also wearing ill-fitting t-shirts sporting a witless slogan - "Stay Calm & Have a Beer", that sort of thing.
Remember, kids: bullies are more scared of you than you are of them.
Lorisdemon might not have the same impact as calling a thing "Spiderdemon", but at least it would be more biologically accurate. Though looking at the thing, it resembles a cross between a cauliflower and an oil rig.
Also: horns on the backs of his arms. Presumably, he sleeps on his front... No. Wait. He's got horns on his knees and nips too. Still... nice abs. He's been rocking those crunches.