Recently, I read the news that the popular TV presenter "Jeremy" Clarkson had been fired from his job as the host of the popular TV show Top Gear. I was so sad I deliberately broke my own arm by wedging it down the back of a radiator, and jumping out of the window. I couldn't stop crying afterwards. Oh well.
Here are some excellent jokes that have been inspired by this terrible tragedy - perhaps the greatest tragedy to have ever befallen our society. If you start to feel emotional while reading these jokes, please... please punch yourself in and around the thorax.
ANSWER: You fire it.
QUESTION: What sort of food do they serve in the Top Gear canteen?
ANSWER: Hammond eggs (ham and eggs).
QUESTION: Why did Jeremy Clarkson punch a producer in the mouth?
ANSWER: He was just "Oisin" around (horsing around).
QUESTION: How does Jeremy Clarkson like his meat cooked?
ANSWER: Fracas-seed (fricasseed).
QUESTION: What does Jeremy Clarkson drink at parties?
QUESTION: What is Jeremy Clarkson's favourite item of office stationary?
ANSWER: A whole punch (hole punch).
QUESTION: Who is Jeremy Clarkson's favourite Punch and Judy character?
ANSWER: Mr Punch.
QUESTION: Who is Jeremy Clarkson's favourite Italian composer?
ANSWER: Punchini (Puccini).
QUESTION: What is Jeremy Clarkson's favourite meal?
ANSWER: Plunch (lunch)
QUESTION: Which part of Jeremy Clarkson would you least like to hit you in the face?
ANSWER: His balls.
QUESTION: What happens if you place James May in an airtight box?
QUESTION: What motoring show only reviews cars that are dark tan in colour?
ANSWER: Taupe Gear.
QUESTION: How long does Jeremy Clarkson have to live?
ANSWER: Could be moments. Could be years.
That's enough Jeremy Clarkson jokes now. They were probably alright. Bye then.