This week, I've been having a recurring thought of my own: I suppose I should write some jokes.
Here are the jokes that my thought - the one I just told you about - prompted. They're really excellent jokes.
ANSWER: The one-ion (onion).
QUESTION: Where do marine mammals buy their bricks?
ANSWER: Walls-R-Us (Walrus).
QUESTION: Why can't a leopard change his spots?
ANSWER: He has a "set pattern" of behaviour.
QUESTION: Why are tortoises so stupid?
ANSWER: Because they are turt-les (taught less).
QUESTION: What do you get if you cross a fish with a stalagmite?
ANSWER: A narwhal.
QUESTION: What do get if you cross a hippopotamus with a haemophiliac?
ANSWER: A haemopotamus.
QUESTION: What happens if you put a lemon in a cat's mouth?
ANSWER: It really doesn't like it.
QUESTION: Do dogs like it when you put lemons in their mouths?
QUESTION: What about monkeys?
ANSWER: Don't know about them.
QUESTION: Did you actually put a lemon in a cat's mouth then?
ANSWER: I tried to. I got it in a bit. Just like the top bit.
QUESTION: Why do that?
ANSWER: I don't really know. It just started hissing and trying to get off my lap.
QUESTION: Don't you think that's a bit cruel?
ANSWER: Hadn't thought about it. It was funny at the time.
QUESTION: What's the matter? Why do you look really sad all of a sudden?
ANSWER: I just feel a bad about putting the lemon in the cat's mouth. I wish I hadn't done it.
QUESTION: Are you ever going to put a lemon in an animal's mouth again?
ANSWER: No. I'm sorry I ever bothered.
QUESTION: Now what are you going to do?
ANSWER: Have some lunch.
QUESTION: What's for lunch?
QUESTION: Do you have that on toast, or...?
ANSWER: Just eat it out of a jar.
QUESTION: With a spoon?
QUESTION: You're really quiet. What's up?
ANSWER: Nothing. I'm just trying to slip some ghee into the cat's mouth, but it's not having it.
"Thanks" - Mr K, Luton
"Thanks for sending me the book" - Mr N, Manchester
"Thanks for sending the book. I'll read it this weekend," - Mr P, Inverness
"Thanks for that. Looking forward to reading," Mr L, Bournemouth
CLICK HERE FOR DETAILS!