...And now the moment has arrived: I am here to tell you some jokes. These are not any old jokes - these are special sexist jokes about mother-in-laws, that I wrote back in the 1970s when it was considered acceptable to hate women (before everything was ruined).
Where are the jokes I mention? That's an easy one: here they are now. Ok. Well. Bye then.
ANSWER: Three (these mother-in-laws are lighthouse keepers, and the bulbs are massive - normally it'd only take two to do the job, but one of them is in a wheelchair, and the others don't want her to feel like she's useless, even though they secretly hate how bitter and passive-aggressive she has become).
QUESTION: Why did the mother-in-law cross the road?
ANSWER: She was a massive racist.
QUESTION: What do you get if a mother-in-law eats a bar of soap?
ANSWER: A lather-in-maw.
QUESTION: What do you get if you cross a mother-in-law with a man?
ANSWER: A father-in-law.
QUESTION: Why was the mother-in-law confused?
ANSWER: She was half-watching Tron.
QUESTION: What's the second worst gift a mother-in-law can give you?
ANSWER: A talc bottle full of crow nipples.
QUESTION: What's the worst gift a mother-in-law can give you?
ANSWER: A legal document that requires you to swig crow nipples from the talc bottle.
QUESTION: Who is the most powerful mother-in-law in the world?
QUESTION: What's a really funny thing to think about?
ANSWER: A mother-in-lawnmower.
QUESTION: Even though she was drowning, why didn't the mother-in-law scream for help?
ANSWER: She had water in her mouth and throat.
QUESTION: What's the best way to asphyxiate a mother-in-law?
QUESTION: What would be a really unusual name for a mother-in-law?
ANSWER: Manfred Honk.
QUESTION: What is something you wouldn't expect to see if you broke open a wasps nest?
ANSWER: A mother-in-law, all curled up and completely motionless - apart from her twitching legs.
Well, that's probably enough jokes about mother-in-laws. I hope I don't get into trouble for them. But if I do... so what? It doesn't matter. Bye then.
FROM THE ARCHIVE: