Here are some of the best new jokes I’ve written recently.
QUESTION: Why do you have alopecia?
ANSWER: Maybe you’re an alpaca.
QUESTION: What do you get if you cross a wyvern with a cavern?
QUESTION: What happened to the eskimo who tried to kiss a bee?
ANSWER: He suffered from “frost-sting”.
QUESTION: Which type of batter pertains to time?
ANSWER: Temporal batter (tempura batter).
QUESTION: Who is the cheesiest pop star in the world?
ANSWER: Stilton John (Elton John).
QUESTION: What happens if you do maths backwards?
ANSWER: I don’t know. I haven't tried it.
ANSWER: What’s the best way to ruin a wedding?
QUESTION: Break your vows.
QUESTION: What’s the last thing you’d want to find in a Kinder Egg?
ANSWER: Hitler poo.
ANSWER: George Tacky-Eye (George Takei)
QUESTION: What do you call a puma wearing lipstick and a hat?
ANSWER: A show-stopper.
QUESTION: How did Noah communicate with dogs?
ANSWER: Noah’s bark.
QUESTION: What’s worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm?
ANSWER: Biting into your hand, right through to the bone.
QUESTION: Where does your boss come from?
ANSWER: Bosstown (Boston).
QUESTION: What happens if you cast a spell on your wardrobe?
ANSWER: A gnome will come out.
QUESTION: Why do you have nightmares?
ANSWER: Your brain is making up for the fact you don't watch enough horror movies.
QUESTION: Why does Batman dress up like a bat?
ANSWER: He's a real big idiot.
QUESTION: Why did the man have an orgasm whenever he left?
ANSWER: He was bye-sexual.
That's probably enough for today. They were all really funny. Ok. I need to go and be sick.