This is why we no longer have such toys as Rudyard Raw-Meat, Andrew Albumen-Hair, and Shitwheels.
Once upon a time, though, Mr Potato Head manufacturer Hasbro sought to expand its range of potato-headed products into other foodstuffs... not just fruit and vegetables - but meat also. Here are Mr Potato Head's forgotten friends...
If I were a sexist 1970s comedian I'd be able to make a joke here about the serving suggestion on the packaging: "Wind her up and watch her go, ladies and gentlemen - just like a real wife - aren't I right, fellers?".
Instead, I shall draw your attention to the many things you could make Mrs Potato Head do: use a floor cleaner, use a popcorn popper, and ring a bell - just like a real wife! Ding ding!
And there on the right is Mrs Potato Head, looking up adoringly at her husband as he flies around the kitchen in his little red jet, while she pushes... A HUMAN CHILD IN A BUGGY.
Are we to assume that the coupling of this tuber-headed pairing produced an infant made of flesh and bone? Or have they simply stolen it from the supermarket?
"Let's turn him into chips and see how he likes it!"
Now it is time for an excellent comedy joke:
QUESTION: What's orange and pointy and betrays Jesus?
ANSWER: Judas's carrot.
If so, why not pumpkins, melons and marrows too? And if the pumpkins, melons and marrows are as sentient as their potato and pepper bredrin, would their size make them dominant? Who among the vegetable community is the alpha?
You see... he has a hole right through the middle of his face... Aside from this being wholly impractical in terms of pumping blood around his skull, what's the story there with his brain? Is it arch-shaped, or just stuffed into the top there? There is no correlation between what we see here and anything else in nature.
Truly, Dunkie Donut-Head can be labelled "Darwin's Travesty".
"Make me your leader and I'll keep you safe from being peeled!"
It worked, but - unfortunately - once in power Oscar hadn't reckoned on the will of the veggies to stand up for themselves. As soon as they realised that his narcissism was essentially the engine driving a fascist doctrine, which he attempted to obfuscate with lies and bluster, they rose up as one to bring him down.
His attempts to stage a coup by appealing to the fears of his electoral base, while secretly protecting his own interests, ultimately resulted in mass protests, and his much-celebrated impeachment.
Ironically, the judge at his impeachment trial was Judge Percy Peach.