Now I will ask that: have you ever wondered whether you are dangerously addicted to video games? I know I have. But then, I'm dangerously addicted to most things: especially tsars, tapas, and tarps. Sometimes I like to roll myself up in a tarp and eat tapas out of tsar's hat. SKRAAANG-BONG!
Wow! What was that?!! Good evening. Hallo. Ok? Bye-soon.
Anyway. Answer these questions, and then "tot-up" your tally to find out whether you are a gaming addict. Off you go and do that then. Bye-now!
A) A few evenings a week.
B) Never. I can't do that.
C) Literally constantly. If I'm not playing a video game I start shaking, coughing, and vomiting.
D) Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.
Q2. WHERE IS YOUR IDEAL HOLIDAY DESTINATION?
A) Mauritius/The Isle of Scilly.
B) A garden full of flowers in full bloom.
C) A video games arcade.
D) As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you.
Q3. ROUGHLY HOW MUCH DO YOU SPEND PER YEAR ON VIDEO GAMES?
A) Up to £100
B) Nothing. I have no need for human money. The colony provides all.
C) Over £100,000,000,000.
D) As a Christian I have no duty to allow myself to be cheated, but I have the duty to be a fighter for truth and justice.
Q4. WHAT DID YOU DREAM ABOUT LAST NIGHT?
A) Pubic lice, and a battery coming out of my eye.
B) Honey. Delicious honey for The Queen.
C) Giving birth to a new type of Pokemon that looked like Tim Schafer.
D) For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and everyone who humbles himself will be exalted.
Q5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE VIDEO GAME OF ALL TIME?
A) Candy Crush Saga or Football Manager.
B) Don't have one. Never played one.
C) Asking me that is like asking me to murder most of my own children.
D) Great liars are also great magicians.
Q6. HOW DO YOU LIKE TO UNWIND?
A) Meditation/Listening to music/dog-baiting.
B) Waggle dancing.
C) Playing video games until I suffer an epileptic fit.
D) I go the way that Providence dictates with the assurance of a sleepwalker.
Q7. WHAT DO YOU HAVE ON YOUR WALLS AT HOME?
A) Tasteful art from Ikea/The word "Brannex" scrawled over and over again, thousands of times.
B) Royal jelly.
C) Never looked at my walls. Just the TV.
D) It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.
- MOSTLY As: You have a great handle on your gaming habits, and you have nothing to be concerned about.
- MOSTLY Bs: As a bee, you prefer mostly bees.
- MOSTLY Cs: You are addicted to video games. They are ruining your life, ruining your health, and you should immediately enrol in a 12-step program to break your habit.
- MOSTLY Ds: It would appear you have not fully understood the nature of the quiz. Instead of answering the questions pertaining to your video gaming habits, you have chosen from a selection of quotes by Adolf Hitler and Jesus Christ, the Lamb of God. Please go back and try again.