However, this remastering (for the purists, a - if you will - "Re-Mastering of Unlocking") is at least a "new" (more on that in a moment) version of the game that started it all.
And there's a reason why Resi (as certain idiots affectionately refer to it) is so highly regarded: because it was a ground-breaking classic. A ground-breaking classic, admittedly, that shamelessly ripped-off the ground-breaking Alone in the Dark - a fact almost everyone chooses to ignore - but a ground-breaking classic nonetheless. Yes.
We probably don't need to spend long recapping the game: as members of the STARS special forces team (which - we're sorry - always conjures an image of a slightly patronising special needs charity: "You guys are the real stars here! Hey c'mon - clap along if you know this one!") you find yourself in a creepy old mansion, that's at the centre of a zombie-related conspiracy.
It's essentially a series of puzzle rooms punctuated with frantic shooting elements. Throw in assorted other monsters, insane cultists, and all manner of logic-defying nonsense, and you have the beginnings of a video gaming phenomenon. But you know all that.
If, by chance, you've never played Resi before, this is important to bear in mind: it's relentlessly frustrating, and its quirkiness, which has permeated throughout the franchise, is never more apparent than here in its debut. It occasionally feels like a game that's been designed by lunatics. But, we suspect, that's the whole point.
All that combining of plants, the equipment lockers, limited ammo, and the back-and-forth puzzle solving that sees you traipsing from one end of the mansion to the other... It did, and still does, sometimes feels like padding, like the challenge has been artificially ramped up with deliberately obtuse gameplay elements.
However, that padding justifies itself, due to the never-ending tension, the fear that any second a rabid zombie dog could burst through a window and chew your face off. It's still a great game. No - it's still a classic, as bonkers as it is. But... but... but...
There's a place for a brand new Resident Evil update - one which irons out some of the more frustrating quirks, and gives it a proper graphical overhaul, while retaining all that was great about the original. Unfortunately, even as a remaster, there's no escaping that this is dated - and, frankly, feels like a bit of a cheap and cheerful cash grab.
You see, rather than spend resources on giving the game a proper remake, they've simply buffed up the 2002 Gamecube remaster with better resolution and lighting. As beautiful as it often is, that really only serves to underline just how old this game is now.
And that only serves to underline how old we are. And that makes us depressed. Oh god... NOW LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE! Crisps. Criiiiiisssspppssss.
Alright - there are plenty of old games out there, but this is being sold as a full price title. That seems a bit of a cheek, when the only really new things here are a couple of new outfits for Chris and Jill, and some - whooh! - new achievements.
SUMMARY: There's no denying it's a classic, but as remakes go - this is lazy cuss-up.
REVIEWED: Zombie Experience Days