But I do know this: growing up in the 1980s was utterly terrifying.
Thanks to The Cold War - as anyone who was there will attest - we were all pretty certain that the entire world could end at any second, with barely enough time to boil an egg. There were pamphlets in the library advising on how to survive a nuclear attack, primetime dramas showing just how much more grim Sheffield would be after the bombs dropped, and top 10 pop songs insisting it was only a matter of time until the world ended.
I lost count of the dreams I had about atomic annihilation, and used to lay awake in bed worrying if the glass interior doors of my mum and dad's house were adequate material to build a fallout shelter from.
When I wasn't worrying about nuclear bombs, I was worrying about AIDS, thanks to tabloid projections that it would wipe us all out by the turn of the century.
All kids have to be concerned about nowadays is whether they look thin enough in their Instagrams.
Of course, history now records that the world didn't end any time in the last 30 years, and though Al Qaeda and bird/swine flu, Y2K, and mad cow disease, and now ISIS, have all made a fair stab at putting the wind up us, and Russia is currently on a bit of a greatest hits comeback tour, Western governments have yet to find another bogeyman as effective as the Soviet Union and AIDS.
Ever feel like you've been cheated? It's almost like they're losing faith in their fear-based mind control...
"Er... yeah... so, um... dog flu! You're all going to get dog flu. No. Wait. Um... sausage cancer! Syrian refugees! I know - dust motes! Killer hats! Wyverns! Bum handles! Oil's running out you know! And there's a wind shortage! People with goatees! What's that? Global warming? Pfft. Don't be so stupid."
Yeah, so. Fallout 4. It's back to that post-nuclear-annihilation world, this time set in a New England that's been renamed The Commonwealth, and is full of mutants, Mad Max-esque raiders, robots, and other assorted oddballs. If you've played Fallout 3, you know exactly what to expect here, because there's not a whole lot that feels different from last time around.
You do, however, get a dog sidekick, because that's a thing that has to be in all games nowadays, apparently.
Beginning pre-bombs, we get a glimpse of the atom-powered alternate America that succumbs to World War 3. It's a decent set-up that gives your character a solid motivation for moving through the main story (though, of course, this being an open-world game you'll spend most of your time exploring, and embarking on side-quests, and forgetting all about that main story for huge swathes of it).
Fallout 4 is ostensibly a role-playing game, and - despite its post-apocalyptic setting - it plays much like every other RPG out there.
Countless hours of your life will be spent looting and scavenging, deciding which items to drop because you're carrying too much, and juggling a long list of quests and side-quests. When you're not doing that, you're fannying around talking to other characters, via dialogue wheels. If that sounds boring and repetitive and old-fashioned to you - and it probably should do - then Fallout 4 might not be the sort of thing you like.
Still, the real draw of the Fallout games is in simply exploring the world, meeting weird characters, and discovering the secrets which litter the wastelands. In this respect, Fallout 4 doesn't disappoint: it's absolutely stuffed. However, the slightly comic book-y atmosphere, the broad characters, the humour, and graphics which veer from being properly next-gen, to looking almost PS2 quality - there's no excuse for such ropey character models and animation in 2015, frankly - all pull against the atmosphere.
Admittedly, its quirky tone makes the Fallout world distinct, and not just another grim, post-nuclear, setting... but it all conspires to make Fallout 4 something of a schizophrenic game.
There are subtle changes to the combat in Fallout 4, making it feel slightly more first-person shooter-like.
Unfortunately, it ends up falling between two stools in its bid to try and please everyone.
Whereas in Fallout 3 you could freeze time and select specific parts of an enemy to aim at, this time you can only slow time - which gives it a slight bullet-time vibe.
It feels like an attempt at making concessions to the FPS audience, without alienating the series' existing fanbase. It would've been more satisfying if it was one or the other, rather than neither. Not anal enough to be full RPG combat, and not kinetic enough to be a FPS.
The biggest additions to the game are exoskeleton power suit things - which make you feel superhuman for about five minutes until their fusion cell runs dry, and you abandon them and realise they're a waste of your time - and the introduction of settlements. There's a somewhat tricksy construction tool that allows you to build and furnish entire communities, from pre-fab parts.
Once I got the hang of it, I spent more time playing around with it than I expected to. However, it eats into your scavenged resources, meaning even more time spent collecting stuff.
A lot of the coverage surrounding Fallout 4's release has focused on its bugs. In all honesty, as with last year's Assassin's Creed Unity, I didn't spot anything too major. I had one monster battle - that was presumably meant to be challenging - but became a doddle, because the monster had gotten stuck in a hole. But a lot of what I often thought was a bug just turned out to be appalling character animations...
The main story and scripting is good, the setting is compelling, and there's so much going on that I can barely be bothered to mention most of it.
Others might want to approach with caution, though; it's a mixed bag of graphics, the combat is clunky, the RPG elements are woefully hackneyed and derivative, and it builds on its predecessor in only subtle ways. It feels like more of the same, rather than something wholly new. But if you loved what it has always done, then you'll be right at home.
SUMMARY: A ton of content, but it looks and feels like a game that could've been released five years ago. Plus, these RPG tropes are getting tiresome - even in a setting as compelling and unique as this.
SCORE: 7.733 rads out of 10.3111 rads
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THE TALOS PRINCIPLE (Various, PS4 version tested)