Now the only arcades are full of machines that disgorge tickets, which can be redeemed in return for a Minion pencil topper, or crane grabbers full of Compare The Market meerkats.
It's why this list of my ten favourite arcade games - barring Star Wars, which I've written about enough for one lifetime, quite frankly - doesn't feature anything post-1992. Please, Father Fruity, enjoy my selections.
The fact that they're doing a movie of it - in which The Rock will no doubt play the brave, muscular, hero defending mankind from the monsters... THUS MISSING THE POINT OF THE GAME - causes me to emit low, mournful, howls thrice daily.
Somehow, it would never have worked as well, never had that same eerie atmosphere as a tank turned its guns upon you, if it had modern, photorealistic, graphics.
Furthermore, creators Sega had made the peculiar choice to give him a transparent torso, so that you could see what was happening in front of him. Looking back, it's a horribly ugly game, but that see-through body always intrigued me at the time.
Also: why do all video game characters called Duke have the same haircut?
Question: why did many of the houses in Paperboy's neighbourhood had graves in their front gardens?
And - oh! - I've just realised that Zaxxon probably inspired the name of Zenoxxx Industries...
Its sequel, Galaga, was a different kettle of fronds. I sucked at that.
Frankly, it was one of the most relentless games ever released. A game of Smash TV was just chaos, and the window dressing - references to Robocop and The Running Man - just made it feel all the madder, like scarcely-controlled anarchy. It was completely infectious, and it was one of the first import games I bought for my SNES. Which backfired terribly, when - the first time I attempted to use the NTSC-PAL convertor I bought - I bent the pins in my SNES cartridge slot.