The PS2 is synonymous with many things - including that unappealing logo, backwards compatibility, and the colour black. It was, in short, the best-selling games console of all time, and this final bullet in its coffin is as good a reason as any to pay tribute to some of the quirkier games which dangled their whimsy in front of its face.
Because, you see, the PS2 was nothing if not a rostrum of incongruity.
WOT?
Dog's Life - basically Assassin's Creed with dogs - wasn't all disgusting, but elements of it certainly were, from urinating to mark your pup's territory, to defecating and then picking up the stool in your mouth. Dirty dogs. Bad dogs.
Postscript: Ted is now dead. Ded.
In Mr Mosquito you played a mosquito, with the aim of sucking the blood of the Yamada family without making them aware of you. It was - as you might expect - somewhat voyeuristic, as you swooped down to suckle on family members in the bath and that.
Mosquitos: nature's tiniest perverts.
Players controlled a girl with a magical scarf, which could reach out to grab things and stretch them out of proportion. You could then release the things you've grabbed, before letting them snap back - like an elastic "strap" - by way of an attack.
This including stretching the enormous, oversized, bosoms of the female antagonists who populated the game world. You see, men? This is why everybody hates us.
Being attacked by a human would result in your character losing their clothing, forcing them to continue running around in their underwear. You know: like in real life!
Also, take it from me; if you fart on somebody in the street, they hardly ever drop a coin. Unless you do one that's really loud and abrupt.
I'd say you couldn't get away with this anymore, but let's face it... if a game like this was released now, for every person (rightly) decrying it as demeaning to women, the other half would ramble on about free speech while Frenchying a #MAGA cap and taking a razor to all their Nike branding.
BUILD! THE! WALL! BUILD! THE! WALL!
Rather cleverly, the bear would perform songs generated on the fly with lyrics inspired by key words which the player provided, and via a synthesised voice, with the aim being to help Kuma Uta reach the top of the Japanese music charts.
A remarkably bizarre and throwaway use of some rather clever technology, though only slightly less harrowing than that video of the polar bear trying to clamber onto some melting ice.
The games included skipping rope challenges, custard pie duels, and - as with Party Girls - attempting to dislodge an opponent with a well-timed buttock-bump. In short, once again: whatever would best show off the wobblies.
Success would allow you to unlock new outfits with which to dress up your character, who - in some wholly unnecessary backstory - we learn were once animals who had been magically transformed into humans. This raises all sorts of additional moral questions.
The disembodied player could read Rina's mind by shooting love arrows at her head, and then send romantic messages to her - writing in sand, or on blackboards. There were also a number of jarring quick time events - including one which requires you to save Rina from a knife-wielding maniac.
In short: it was like a version of It's A Wonderful Life as conceived by a sex pest.
Its graphic content led to a bit of a moral panic, with the European Union's justice minister damning the game for featuring "obscene cruelty and brutality", while an Italian TV show accused it of being "underage eroticism". Following all this, the UK release was pulled at the last minute, after review copies had already been sent to journalists.
Amusingly, at one point Jennifer adopts a labrador which she Christens "Brown".
Note to everyone: kissing an old man after mowing his lawn is a terrible method for wooing the person you've got a crush on. Unless that person is the old man whose lawn you've just mowed.
Still seems a bit dodgy.
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