Unfortunately, I can't even refer back to my private diary, as I lost it down a hole in my house. I suppose I could make a wish, or pray to the cosmos, or whatever it is that I do, but I can't even remember how to do that! Loads of LOLs.
Why don't you stick around while I make a few calls, and find out the truth about my past? It's sure to be a rollicking great eye-opener, whatever happens!