"Oh god. It's Jim, with that instrument of his. The gahoon."
"He calls it a gahoon. Says it plays sweet, plays hot."
"It just sounds like a load of bad-whistling or humming."
"Whatever you do don't say that to him. He insists it's a real musical instrument..."
"Boy - are you in for a big surprise!" <S-T-R-E-T-C-H!>
"Wow! I never saw that coming, so to speak."
<SCUTTLES AROUND THE ROOM>
"Yeah, alright, Dave. Calm down."
"No look - I'm putting it in. I'm putting it in the hole. In it goes. Out it comes again. In and out. In and out."
"Dave, are you alright?"
"Look at it! Look at the keyhole! Look. At. It."
"What's all that around the hole?"
"It's mink fur alright?! Like - y'know - it's like p-u-b-e-s..."
"So - what - does that, like, stop it icing up?"
"No you dolt! It makes it look like a lady's chuff! Don't you get it? The key represents my... it looks like a chuff, alright? Jesus. I expected a million laughs from this, and I've not even had one yet."
"Anyone at all? Come on - one of you must have an idea!"
"Okay... what about pants, yeah... but with pictures of ants all over them? You know: big red ants. Or blue or brown, if you prefer."
"And what would the customer do in these pants?"
"I dunno. Strut and prance?"
"Got a bit lost on some of the country roads, but we - <SNIFF SNIFF> What's that smell? It's like... it smells like like burning shit."
"Why thank you - come in for a closer look..."
"Yes, it's still lovely up clo - OH MY GOD! A SNAKE!"
<PUNCHES MAN IN THROAT>