What do geese even like getting for Christmas anyway - other than getting to live, obviously?
Here are 18 toys from elsewhere in the world that you can be certain none of the other goose children will own...
Christmas is coming, and the goose is having an anxiety attack: what can it possibly buy its goslings this year? What can it get them that none of the other goslings will have? What do geese even like getting for Christmas anyway - other than getting to live, obviously? Here are 18 toys from elsewhere in the world that you can be certain none of the other goose children will own...
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So, apparently, Halo 5 Guardians made more money in its first 24 hours on sale in the UK - £7.7 million - than the latest James Bond movie, which achieved a 'mere' £6.3 million. That's good isn't it? On paper it is, though quite a bit less good than the £65 million that GTA V made on its first day, back in 2013. However, while the number of copies of Halo 5 sold hasn't yet been revealed, we do know that GTA V shifted 1.75 million units on the PS3 and Xbox 360 in its first day on sale. Given that it made a fair bit less, and is an Xbox One exclusive, it's fair to say that however many copies of Halo 5 were sold, it wasn't as much as 1.75 million. Especially when you consider that there were 716,741 games sold in total last week, according to Chart-Track. Not all of those were Halo 5, obviously. Though it's unclear exactly how many people saw Spectre last weekend, it opened on 2,500 screens in the UK, and broke box office records, with the most successful opening week in UK history. Yet the games industry seems to think Halo 5's first day takings is some measure of victory over old media. The average cost of a UK cinema ticket is about £7. Halo 5 is currently £39.57 on Amazon. Isn't it about time that we stopped pretending that video games are more popular than... y'know... everything ever? The latest Call of Duty game, Black Ops 3, is out this week. It's probably the sort of thing you'd like: all macho shooting and that in a future war setting, and some bits with zombies and stuff. While it would be wonderful to bring you a feature called '10 Things You Didn't Know About Call of Duty', that sounds like it would require some degree of research. Instead, we have prepared for you the following: 10 Cods That Aren't CoD. Apple is the kind of company that divides people. It's precisely the sort of aggressive corporate monolith that inspires some of us to hate with a passion. And yet, Apple inspires as much love as loathing. Heck, the blind loyalty of its customers has allowed it to sell something as superfluous and stupid as the Apple Watch. In all honesty, I fall somewhere in the middle. I'm an Apple fanboy in as much as there are Macs, iPads, iPhones and - yes - an Apple TV (now two Apple TVs) in my home. Yet I don't buy into the Little Stevie Jobs cult of personality. I've got all those things, because I like how they all interconnect with as little faff as possible, not because I think they'll elevate me to some sort of technospiritual nirvana. And they are nicely designed, and feel suitably futuristic, and that makes me feel like less of a caveman. However, it's fair to say that the only Apple product I've ever really loved is my Apple TV. Yes, yes, I know I'm in the minority, and that Amazon's Fire TV and Roku both do more or less everything that the Apple TV has done - probably more - but do they do it so nicely? The 4th iteration of the Apple TV is out now, in 32 and pricey 64gb models, and it at last invites the rest of the Apple ecosystem to party behind its tent flaps. They're never not popular these awful album covers. No matter how many of them we stumble across, it never fails to amaze how utterly devoid of self-awareness those featured on them can be. They range - as ever - from the unintentionally suggestive, to the downright creepy and off-putting. Be certain to view these on an empty stomach, or leave at least an hour after eating... Alien: Isolation is widely considered to be one of the bigger flops of recent years. Though the game sold respectably, publisher Sega had clearly invested a huge amount of money in the license, and was anticipating sales far in advance of what the game achieved. This is a shame, because on paper Alien: Isolation is everything an Alien game should be. The setting was incredibly authentic, the story felt like a proper sequel to the original Alien movie, and the major selling point - that you were being hunted by a single, AI-controlled, xenomorph - should've made for a terrifying experience. Unfortunately, while it has its fans, I couldn't get on with the game. What should've been an atmospheric and tension-filled experience was just frustrating. The AI worked too well, and while it might've made the game more faithful to the impossible odds displayed in the movie, it made for an maddening gaming experience. I spent most of the game crouched under desks or bunks, waiting for the inevitable discovery and death, before having to repeat sections again and again and again. Eventually, I threw in the towel; life is too short to spend it scrabbling around on the floor. If I wanted to do that, I'd become a lavatory rat. SOMA - a much lower-budget offering - is what I'd wanted Isolation to be. It feels like I've been moaning a lot in recent weeks about the current run of Triple-AAA games being unoriginal, or too unwelcoming to the uninitiated. And that's ok. Moaning about things is fun and cool, and makes it look as if I know what I'm talking about. But The Talos Principle - which, yes, has been out on Steam since last year, thanks for reminding me - is kind of the antithesis of my litany of complaints about Halo 5 and Assassin's Creed Syndicate... while not dumbing itself down a single iota. It doesn't alienate, yet it's infinitely smarter, and better realised, than both those supposedly blockbuster games. Talos is a first-person puzzle game - its closest living relative is Portal - which lets the player discover at their own pace, while presenting the puzzles in a compelling, and intriguing, universe. What's it all about, Ralphy? It is about this: the very nature of existence itself. No. Wait. Please come back: don't you want to know what makes you a person? What's that? You already know, and it's about watching Come Dine With Me? |
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