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YET ANOTHER GALLERY OF TERRIBLE VIDEO GAME COVER ART

16/1/2020

13 Comments

 
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Somehow, it seems like we're never going to run out of bad game artwork. Such as the troubling cover of Mole Hunter, above - replete with what is presumable a phallic-looking mole, a dead snake, and a hammer-wielding, pin-headed, mole hunter. 

​Here are another ten.
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In an era when games were going 3D, cover artists felt that their artwork should go adopt a similar pioneering spirit of technological progress.

Unfortunately, what this meant in the early days was a lot of garish colours, ugly figure work, and awkward poses - as typified on the cover of Virgin Ineractive's Agent Armstrong. It's not irredeemable per se, but the pose of the character begs you to look between his legs, where it's clear that early CG technology wasn't quite up to the task of rendering genitals.

Perhaps that explains why he seems so blasé about the imminent blasting of his groin area.
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505 Games churned out countless sappy Wii games aimed at girls, and every single one of them was notable for its poorly-Photoshopped photographic cover. Such as here on the cover of My Ballet Studio, which - to its credit - does at least manage to convey the unnatural contortions required of ballerinas, which later lead inevitably to arthritis and other physical ailments. 
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It's rare for a game to include their glitches on the actual cover, but that's the only way to explain the face of the "Alien Terminator"; a title which somehow fails to live up to two sci-fi movie franchises simultaneously.
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For a game which sells itself on sex, you'd have thought they'd try to find a cover artist who had a loose idea of what might be considered conventionally attractive. Then again, each to their own. Maybe some people like that lipstick-or-stubble-slapped-on-a-melted-mannequin look.
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Get ready to read with BJ Bear? I... I'd rather not...

Also: get off my kite, you Winnie the Pooh-esque deviant.
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Another CGI monstrosity. What's with that sky? It completely overwhelms the image. Which at least takes your attention away from the bloke's face. He looks like he's smelling a rotten salmon.
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Perhaps the least terrifying, least threatening, depiction of Dracula ever. He doesn't look like he's about to suck your blood so much as he's just heard that they've cancelled the last night bus home.

"Whaaaaaa....?"

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"Er, what you doing back there, John?"

"Nothing. Hold still. Just sniffing between your shoulder blades... Man, that's good."
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So many CGI breasts, and not a single pair is troubled by gravity, or resembles anything you might find in nature.
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"Long or short hair? Does he wear an earring? What is his name? Tell me more, tell me more!
Like, does he have a car?"


His name? Why, it's Pantraseon, and yes he does have a car. It's a Ford Sierra.
13 Comments
Jabberwoc
16/1/2020 11:58:19 am

💥100% GAMEPLAY!!💥

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Marty
16/1/2020 12:27:59 pm

ALL HAIL PANTRASEON

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Reversible Sedgewick
16/1/2020 01:27:21 pm

I bet the Sex Vixens From Space looked like proper quality white Jesuses before they did the restoration work.

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Floop
16/1/2020 01:30:31 pm

it's not even a mole for fuck sake.
trading standards, etc

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DeadCaL
16/1/2020 02:34:02 pm

The Zeddas game would have done alot better if they had gone with the original post production name of Boobs And Goblins

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Sedric-and-Charlie
16/1/2020 04:21:19 pm

Most people who have played Alien Terminator agree it's nowhere near on par with Robocop Predator

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Robobob
16/1/2020 09:35:32 pm

This comment was a genuine laugh-out-loud-on-a-train moment for me.

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Treacle
16/1/2020 08:41:16 pm

My first car was a Ford Sierra which irrespective of the weather was always freezing cold inside, leading to speculation it was haunted. I now suspect it was the restless spirit of Pantraseon, unable to leave this realm until his likeness was rendered on a BBC Model B.

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Voiced by Guides
16/1/2020 10:39:14 pm

'He looks like he's smelling a rotten salmon.'
You'd know, you shark fiend :)

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Gordon Bennett
17/1/2020 12:49:38 am

When I first heard of Zeddas: Servant of Sheol I was quite excited. It was published by Synergy Interactive, who had previously put out the gorgeous L-Zone and Gadget: Invention, Travel and Adventure. I adored both of them.

I couldn't find a copy of Zeddas for some time but kept it in mind for a long time.

Then I saw the cover and my interest in the game vanished in an instant.

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THX 1139
17/1/2020 12:31:54 pm

There was a TV show called BJ and the Bear - possible inspiration for the ursine pervert above? Although BJ was a man, and the Bear was a chimp. I don't think either of them were bare.

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Blobbo McSquish
18/1/2020 01:05:11 am

Alien Terminator also seems to be ripping off Dragonball Z, based on the Saiyan armour the character is wearing.

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crispysteve42
17/3/2020 04:53:18 pm

The Shining tie in game went in a really odd direction

Reply



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