Somehow, it seems like we're never going to run out of bad game artwork. Such as the troubling cover of Mole Hunter, above - replete with what is presumable a phallic-looking mole, a dead snake, and a hammer-wielding, pin-headed, mole hunter.
Here are another ten.
Here are another ten.
In an era when games were going 3D, cover artists felt that their artwork should go adopt a similar pioneering spirit of technological progress.
Unfortunately, what this meant in the early days was a lot of garish colours, ugly figure work, and awkward poses - as typified on the cover of Virgin Ineractive's Agent Armstrong. It's not irredeemable per se, but the pose of the character begs you to look between his legs, where it's clear that early CG technology wasn't quite up to the task of rendering genitals.
Perhaps that explains why he seems so blasé about the imminent blasting of his groin area.
Unfortunately, what this meant in the early days was a lot of garish colours, ugly figure work, and awkward poses - as typified on the cover of Virgin Ineractive's Agent Armstrong. It's not irredeemable per se, but the pose of the character begs you to look between his legs, where it's clear that early CG technology wasn't quite up to the task of rendering genitals.
Perhaps that explains why he seems so blasé about the imminent blasting of his groin area.
505 Games churned out countless sappy Wii games aimed at girls, and every single one of them was notable for its poorly-Photoshopped photographic cover. Such as here on the cover of My Ballet Studio, which - to its credit - does at least manage to convey the unnatural contortions required of ballerinas, which later lead inevitably to arthritis and other physical ailments.
It's rare for a game to include their glitches on the actual cover, but that's the only way to explain the face of the "Alien Terminator"; a title which somehow fails to live up to two sci-fi movie franchises simultaneously.
For a game which sells itself on sex, you'd have thought they'd try to find a cover artist who had a loose idea of what might be considered conventionally attractive. Then again, each to their own. Maybe some people like that lipstick-or-stubble-slapped-on-a-melted-mannequin look.
Get ready to read with BJ Bear? I... I'd rather not...
Also: get off my kite, you Winnie the Pooh-esque deviant.
Also: get off my kite, you Winnie the Pooh-esque deviant.
Another CGI monstrosity. What's with that sky? It completely overwhelms the image. Which at least takes your attention away from the bloke's face. He looks like he's smelling a rotten salmon.
Perhaps the least terrifying, least threatening, depiction of Dracula ever. He doesn't look like he's about to suck your blood so much as he's just heard that they've cancelled the last night bus home.
"Whaaaaaa....?"
"Whaaaaaa....?"
"Er, what you doing back there, John?"
"Nothing. Hold still. Just sniffing between your shoulder blades... Man, that's good."
"Nothing. Hold still. Just sniffing between your shoulder blades... Man, that's good."
So many CGI breasts, and not a single pair is troubled by gravity, or resembles anything you might find in nature.
"Long or short hair? Does he wear an earring? What is his name? Tell me more, tell me more!
Like, does he have a car?"
His name? Why, it's Pantraseon, and yes he does have a car. It's a Ford Sierra.
Like, does he have a car?"
His name? Why, it's Pantraseon, and yes he does have a car. It's a Ford Sierra.
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