WHY I'M WRONG ABOUT EVERYTHING - BY MR BIFFO

WHY I'M WRONG ABOUT EVERYTHING - by Mr Biffo

1/6/2016

I put a few noses out of joint the other day, with my piece suggesting that maybe the best way to avoid internet harassment is to turn your back on it, that highlighting it sometimes might invite more of the same. Bullies love a reaction, and all that.

More than one person suggested I was advocating a policy of "shut-up and take it, or step away". To a point... yeah. I suppose I was, except in extreme cases.

I think it is an occupational hazard for anyone with a career that takes them online, and brings them into contact with their audience. Look at the comments section on any mainstream news website. The levels of abuse are horrific. Or, if you're Katie Hopkins, a massive turn-on, presumably...

Do I think that's right though, that people have to tolerate that just for doing their job? No. I hate it. It's wrong, but... it's people, and a lot of people are messed up enough or angry enough to want to ruin someone else's day, purely for their own entertainment. Or because they disagree with you, or think you're somehow criticising them personally.

But still... when we write a blog post, or a website article, it's worth considering our voices are louder than the voices of our audience. We're the headline act, in the spotlight. Never underestimate the impact of a logo or a brand: there's a massive power imbalance.

Our words carry more weight. I think there's something complex going on for some of our readers, who are - in their own messed-up way - trying to redress that imbalance. Maybe.. they'e trying to match the volume of our voices, but doing it with aggressive language

Thing is though, I accept that I might be wrong about all that... and I don't even know why.

OLD MAN
I don't know about everyone else, but as I get older I realise that the world isn't how I saw it when I was younger.

Back then, everything was simple. No shades of grey. I knew what I believed, I knew how to fix any problem, I knew who was good and who was bad.

Now, nothing seems so straightforward. There are no quick fixes.

The system we live in breeds us to fail, to feel worthless, so we continue to strive away from that. Work harder and harder. The ground behind you is splitting, cracking, catching you up, and you need to keep running to keep from being swallowed up.

It's a grand lie, that we're brainwashed into believing from the day we are born.

I mean, I've come to see why the world favours its young. Their energy is a resource - but more than that, their willingness to comply, without questioning exactly what underpins our whole society, is beyond valuable. At the risk of sounding like some Bolshevik - that's Capitalism, comrade.

SOLUTION
Kotaku's editor Keza MacDonald dropped me a line on Twitter following my article - and I hope she doesn't mind me writing about this - suggesting that ignoring any abuse is merely going to mask the problem, and doesn't move towards a solution.

I respect Keza. I think that what she's done at Kotaku is brilliant. More than that, she's a woman in a field that is notorious for its misogyny... and she's still standing.

I don't know what it's like to be a woman online. I don't know what it's like to be black, gay, trans, or Albanian. My frame of reference is my own, and when people with their own frame of reference say something that counters mine... It's worth listening to. Particularly if they're not an idiot.

But... I don't know. All I know is what worked for me, and as I've gotten older I've become less selfish in many ways, more compassionate... while simultaneously picking the path of least resistance, for the sake of a quiet life and my own sanity. I've become more insular, bringing the wagon train into a protective circle around my family.

I've learned to choose my battles, because so many battles I fought in the past felt un-winnable. This feels like one of those. But maybe it isn't. Maybe it's just a fight that I don't want a part of, because I'm middle-aged. I've fought my wars, and feel like I've earned some down time.

And maybe I just am plain wrong. I mean, it wouldn't be the first time, amazingly.

PROBLEM
So when I suggest that someone might want to ignore their internet harassers, or step away... that's not offering a solution to the problem as a whole.

I don't have a solution to that problem. I'm not entirely sure anyone else does either. I just see a whole lot of frustration and impotent rage.

What I am offering is a way through it, for people who aren't coping with it. It's a proven method, that I know about... because it worked for me.

It's simply a solution that might work for the individual, rather than the collective.

Looking back, given where I was at when I got my harassment and stalking, it was clearly the only thing that was going to work. I had to step back to give me a chance to recover, and take stock.

Again, it's my frame of reference, my POV. Ultimately, it's all I have, all any of us have. I don't want anybody else to go through it. Sometimes you have to retreat from the frontline, because sticking your head above the trenches and going "Yoo-hoo!", or firing back, is merely going to get you shot at all the more.

But I say all this with one caveat: everything I write about on Digitiser2000, everything I think, anything I ever say... might be wrong. And everything you think might be wrong too. And that's ok. These are just opinions. Some more informed than others, some coming from the gut - our "felt sense" - some because we're prejudiced in some way.

IGNORANCE
I'm 44 years-old, and with every passing year I realise how little I know about the world, about people. All I can ever be an expert on is my own corner of the universe, my own psyche. And half the time, that's as much a mystery to me as anything else is.

The enormity of it causes me to shrink my focus down to things that matter, things that I can deal with. The small, day-to-day, problems. It's easier to hug one person than the entire world; my arms are only so long.

What matters to me as far as online harassment goes, is ensuring people aren't being driven out of their minds by their bullies. "Step away" is surrendering for the sake of a person's sanity, not a solution to the whole problem - and, again, it's based upon personal experience.

If you want to fight the good fight - if you're not yet too bruised to continue - please go ahead. You have nothing but my respect, and best wishes. Who knows... you might even be doing the right thing?

FROM THE ARCHIVE:
IF YOU CAN'T STAND THE HEAT... MAYBE TRY NOT MOANING ABOUT IT - MR BIFFO
NO MAN'S SKY DELAY BRINGS THE DICKS OUT OF THE WOODWORK - BY MR BIFFO
WHY DO PEOPLE HATE GAMES JOURNALISTS? - BY MR BIFFO

36 Comments

Super Bad Advice

1/6/2016 10:48:41 am

I think, Biffus, you've hit the nail on the head here. A lot of the problem with 'the internets' is that people immediately take offence when they see something that is contrary to their own experience. Which given it's on a medium that's capable of showing them more or less the sum total of all human experience, is a bit ironic.

If you're getting grief and want to fight it out - good for you. If you want to go 'sod this - I can't be arsed giving these people the time of day, let alone the satisfaction of knowing they got to me'* and walk away, good for you also. BOTH options, and any variant between, are perfectly valid. As is choosing to fight for a bit and then going 'Nah, I've had enough', or vice versa.

*This is a great (flimsy) excuse to bring up when I overheard two old ladies talking about the son-in-law of one of them. He was obviously unpopular, and much like saying they wouldn't give him the time of day both ladies were taking turns to make it increasingly clear how little they liked him. This peaked with the mangled phrase "You know, I wouldn't shit on him if he were on fire!!!".

Best (worst) mental image ever.

Harry Steele

1/6/2016 10:57:15 am

Your comment reminds me of the Total Perspective Vortex from the Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy. The more I think about of it, to more I realise that the TPV is a perfect analogue to the internet itself, and how it's driving us mad!

AcidBeard

2/6/2016 07:12:09 pm

Indeed. There is no right or wrong really and it depends on the individual and the circumstance. There's nothing wrong with running away from any fight if that's what you need to do. In physical confrontations fight or flight takes care of it instinctively. We seem to lack this capability when it comes to mental confrontations.

I hope you gave that poor lady some Immodium.

Superbeast 37

1/6/2016 12:13:29 pm

My thoughts.

Don't feed the trolls. Can never be repeated enough.

Don't dive on the floor like a footballer and exaggerate name calling or fair criticism into abuse as this discredits and makes people sceptical if/when the real thing happens to you or others.

Don't be a victimbux baiter - see above!

If you receive a death threat the first port of call is the police and not Twitter.

Don't smear entire communities/races/genders/religions over the actions of a few people - you need those communities/groups as allies against the trolls. Don't make enemies by lashing out with a guilt by association smear. Don't become the troll and don't give the troll the pleasure of having divided people.

If the authorities advise you not to publicise a threat, follow their advice.

Perspective. Whilst being the victim of abuse is terrible, it is also rare and just a small number of people doing it . Rest assured that there aren't mobs out to hurt you. 99% of people don't want to hurt or upset you and share a strong dislike for trolls.

Darren link

1/6/2016 12:17:54 pm

The problem with the Interwebs is that there's no test you need to take to use it. You know, a bit like people have a test to drive a car or do brain surgery - with this virtual cesspit, there's not test therefore anyone can unleash their impotent rage at all-and-sundry.

These entitled little shits think they automatically have a right to reply - that their opinions are somehow more valid that those who have actually created the content. They sit their in their underpants berating you, while creating nothing of any value themselves.

It's not a dialogue, it's a monologue and if you are polite to me, I might just listen to you. How can I value what you say if you hide behind a pseudonym? Why should I put up with your aggression when I know you wouldn't say it to my face?

Depending on the day and how I'm feeling - I sometimes troll my aggressors, but mostly I do the delete and block. Or the mute...

Muting is the greatest piece of Internet weaponry you have because it allows your aggressors to waste their time beefing away into the void without actually knowing that no-one can read the poison they are spewing onto the page. Bliss.

I don't let it get to me because I know these "See You Next Tuesdays" are nothing in the grand scheme of things. The recent No Man Sky nonsense illustrates all to well what a load of babies the Internet has turned grown men into (and it is mainly men) who feel empowered by being total shitbags, but would probably soil themselves if you squared up to them in real life.

But saying all that, 99% of folk I encounter via the YouTubes are sweetie-pies and are very nice.

Kendall9000

1/6/2016 05:46:08 pm

A study doing the rounds at the moment indicates that around 50% of "misogynistic abuse" is carried out by women

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-36380247

Superficially it would seem to challenge the "woman hating gamergate man babies ruining on the internet" narrative of online abuse. Of course I'm sure men are to blame for it somehow...

Paul Jon Thrillin'

1/6/2016 08:34:14 pm

It was a test that counts the amount of times 'slut' and 'whore' are used, and given that those terms are in the process of reclamation by women, it is kinda not a good way to measure misogynist abuse, really. Also, misogynist slurs from women carry different weight to that from a man due to power dynamics (not to say it's not still awful), so once again, it's not really a study that proves anything at all other than being a handy study for men to cite when they want to go "ACTUALLY IT'S WOMEN TOO"

1/6/2016 11:01:53 pm

Actually, if you look at the study, they were careful to exclude instances of those terms being used in non-abusive or self referential ways (e.g. attempts to reclaim 'whore' or references to 'slut walks').

That BBC report also mentions the study that found that 4 out or 5 "negative tweets posted about beauty and body image" came from women.

It always amazes me that the fact that women can be mean to each other is somehow controversial. People accept that some men are just abusive wankers, and certain writers and activists are happy to use instances of that to portray "online misogyny" as something men inflict on women, but I've seen numerous articles and comments try to justify and explain away anything that indicates that women can be just as shitty.

You really think that abuse from another woman inherently carries less weight than the same from a man? That isn't what I've seen when women I know have suffered abuse.

Ignoring the whole online abuse issue, some of the nastiest and most hurtful real world bullying of girls that I've seen has come from other girls at their school. Shock horror: they aren't actually made of sugar and spice and all things nice.

The whole "power dynamics" thing is generally just self serving bullshit to justify feminist double standards.

"But it's different when we do it!"

No, it really isn't.

People wouldn't be inspired to go "ACTUALLY IT'S WOMEN TOO" if there wasn't such hypocrisy, and if the whole online abuse = "nasty men attacking innocent women" narrative wasn't constantly being pushed.

1/6/2016 11:40:41 pm

Kendall9000, can't reply directly to your post due to the nature of the comments section, so sorry if this shows up in a weird place!

"Actually, if you look at the study, they were careful to exclude instances of those terms being used in non-abusive or self referential ways (e.g. attempts to reclaim 'whore' or references to 'slut walks')."

Ah, interesting. I'll go have a look at that, ta for the info.

Also, I don't think that abuse from women carries LESS weight than when it's from a man, I just think it's a different sort of weight, due to the nature of society as it is. Not saying women can't be total jerks. Of course they can.

"The whole "power dynamics" thing is generally just self serving bullshit to justify feminist double standards."

Disagree with this, power dynamics definitely exist, society and culture has been geared towards men since about forever, and while things are obviously better than they were regarding this, this skews things a lot given that we've only ever really existed in a heavily male-influenced world.

And I know anecdotal evidence is probs pointless given everyone's experiences vary, but most of the problems I and pals have had from jerks have been from men and a culture that promotes harmful masculinity.

Also, negative comments from women to other women about body image and appearance, this is also a result of a misogynist culture that promotes impossible body standards, the importance of looking good and all that. Doesn't excuse any of it, but really most of this stuff is directly traced to, yeah, wait for it, years of patriarchy. This totally harms men, as well.

We're all fucked. So you know, fuck the patriarchy.

Ocht, I dunno, it's 11.30 and I'm shite at talking, which is a cop-out but also true

Spiney O'Sullivan

2/6/2016 07:58:20 pm

This is where "patriarchy" frankly isn't a great word, as it's too charged with imagery of powerful men pushing everyone around and gets simplified heavily by people on both ends of the political spectrum. It's a much more complicated thing than that, and women absolutely can be complicit in it too, because it's partly about prevailing social attitudes, and society isn't just comprised of men.

3/6/2016 08:31:13 am

I'd probably take the whole "blame the patriarchy" thing more seriously if it wasn't so utterly nebulous and applied so inconsistently.

I've seen people blame the patriarchy for causing women to use terms like "slut" and "whore" to shame each other for their sexual choices. Yet I've seen other feminists talk about how our patriarchal society hyper-sexualises women and turns them into "Stepford Sluts", arguing that the promiscuous/sexual behaviour of women is "inauthentic" and a sign of how patriarchal our culture is.

There was a kerfuffle where I live over a burlesque performer being included in an art show. Feminists who protested her inclusion argued that she would be promoting rape culture, objectification, and patriarchal idea that women only exist for decoration and men's sexual pleasure. Other feminists argued that the feminists who wanted her dropped from the show were the ones on the patriarchy's side, and that slut shaming and excluding someone who's empowered and reclaiming her sexuality is the patriarchal and anti-feminist thing to do.

It seems to me that when pretty much anything you don't like can be blamed on the patriarchy, even the beliefs and actions of the wrong kinds of feminist, it's pretty much a meaningless buzzword.

Clockwork Fool

1/6/2016 12:54:06 pm

I don't honestly know Keza McDonald or any of her work but had I been drinking a big mug of coffee when I read this, I'd have probably sprayed it all over my keyboard when I read that bit.

No, I admit that maybe whatever she is doing at Kotaku is good work, maybe she's a good egg in that particular basket and I don't know enough about her to say otherwise so I shaln't. But I can't say I was anything other than amused to see Kotaku getting praise of some kind, even reflected off of one of their employees.

Surprisingly pleasant way to start the day.

1/6/2016 01:00:00 pm

Gave Keza a quick check, she doesn't actually have any entries on Deepfreeze.it (and works for Kotaku uk, which is likely at least partially separate.

So I guess I'll give her the benefit of the doubt. :)

Danny S.

1/6/2016 05:22:18 pm

Never heard of deepfreze.it - and rather wished I hadn't. That's some deeply nasty stalinist denouncement stuff going on there. No wonder you were so quick to judge.

Well done for retracting though, shame it was based on a blacklist

1/6/2016 05:24:07 pm

God, that site is horrible. Nobody is pure in all of this, but I think it's safe to say that the obsessive conspirators obsessively documenting stuff like this are the worst of all.

1/6/2016 06:15:02 pm

Wasn't pre-judging Keza based on the thought she would be on Deepfreeze, I was reacting with amusement at anyone attached to Kotaku being given praise.

But as I said, wrong Kotaku and there's no record of her getting up to the kind of shady stuff Kotaku prime is known for, so fair enough.

Also, Stalinist denouncements? It's an archive of journalistic malpractice and anyone who feels poorly represented on there is entirely free, encouraged even to challenge it if they want to be re-assessed. (Least, as far as I recall. I don't often have a reason to even look up anything there as I don't pay much attention to games journalism, speaking generally).

Damon link

1/6/2016 01:05:48 pm

"Rolling over and taking it" so to speak works if you're part of a strong enough publication that will stand with you and you don't need be scared that you'll never find work again being branded as every -ist and -isim the collective of 14-year-olds can dream up. Working against a stink if you're not already established makes the uphill battle that much steeper... and let's also remember that the staff journalist is a myth from the past and everyone is an underpaid, if paid at all, freelancer or intern. Meaning you need to have a reputation to get work... and if you have a reputation as an anti-trans woman-hater who supports the counter-cactus movement then that can affect your future work.

As much as I want to aggree that if you ignore it will stop... not responding also will leave you branded as a lot of horrible things and may prevent you from getting work in the future.

Mr Biffo

1/6/2016 01:24:56 pm

I think you've slightly misinterpreted my point, Damo. I'm only really advocating that if it's getting to much. If a fire is raging in a forest, the way to stop it is to chop down a line of trees, make a fire-break.

Also... not sure if I'm aware of the examples you're talking about where up-and-comers have been accused of being anti-trans/misogynists...

1/6/2016 02:08:02 pm

I don't think I missed the point, but maybe I glossed over it in my comment to voice why and when I felt responding may seem necessary. In general I do think that ignoring bullies until they get bored works but at the same time... no one wants to hire a rapist.

I don't know if this has ever happened but finding myself fallen backwards through a hedge into a world of creative professionals there's a very real fear that if you get branded as an -ist or an -isim no one will want your work because you're a wanted man. The mob will follow and it will turn into a disaster for them. The impression is that if you're unlucky enough to end up unpopular you're fucked and your career is over.

I know people who's names are forgotten but I bring them up, because we're friends, and people say "Who...? Oh didn't he write that thing about how he hates women?" or "Didn't he get in trouble for a rape joke a while ago?"

The fear is that people will see you and, regardless if it's true, right away think "rapist". And no one wants to hire a rapist. So you feel like you need to respond or risk other professionals reading your name and saying "We don't want anything to do with that rapist!" and that's it, you're forever marked.

I can't say for sure if this actually happens, you would think other professionals know the industry and wouldn't care but it's so hard to actually get work, real work that actually pays, you don't want the uphill battle of also being a PR risk.

1/6/2016 05:27:58 pm

Yeah Damon, too many kangaroo courts on social media these days.

The false accusations are effective and do colour peoples opinions against a person.

I've fallen for it myself where I've avoided certain bloggers and Youtubers because I'd heard how they were ist-this, phobic-that, neo nazi etc.

Turns out they weren't but I took a lot of convincing to clear their name because like most people I am inclined to believe the first bit of information I hear and then shifting me from that position takes a fair bit of evidence - something I never demanded from the person(s) making the initial statements.

The kangaroo courts are very good at what they do - they all stick to the same narrative and keep repeating it. No deviations, just repeating the party line relentlessly. Whilst I feel nothing but revulsion at what they do, I do admire the effectiveness with which they do it.

And as I say, it is effective, really effective. These smear campaigns do put the fear of god into individuals and companies and do silence people.

I can't think of many occasions where trolls sending death threats ever silenced anyone. Usual what happens is that they say they are quitting social media (lasts all of 3 days) and have dozens of papers and websites queueing up to tell the story and act as judge, jury and executioner. Not that they ever know who sent the threats, they just pick a group of people they dislike and blame them.

I don't think trolls make death threats to "silence" people or at least they would be pretty stupid if that is why they do it. It always has the opposite effect.

In contrast the fear tactics of the kangaroo courts are extremely successful in making people shy away from speaking out.

Certainly that is what keeps me awake at night. Having someone send me death threats doesn't bother me in the slightest. The smear campaigns that go for your job and future work chances scare the hell out of me.

Stoo

1/6/2016 06:39:55 pm

I understand the fear of having your good name ruined by saying the supposedly wrong thing. I'm wouldn't want to see, say, journos or academics lose their careers over the odd ill-considered comment.

But, well, try to bear in mind your experiences are not the same as everyone elses, and some folks genuinely are worried or upset by how much venom is thrown at them online.

Seano

1/6/2016 01:26:46 pm

<Big brown nose>

Biffo - thoroughly enjoy your writing, whether right or wrong, whether bonkers or thoughtful. It seems to be honest and comes from the heart.

: )

1/6/2016 01:31:14 pm

Cheers, Seany-boy. You can brown your nose on me any day.

Paulvw

1/6/2016 02:03:35 pm

Sensible stuff. You can only control your own use and reaction to the internet. Bit King Canutey to think otherwise.

1/6/2016 02:07:35 pm

I think you're right about ignoring it, and as I said in a comment before (on the No Man's Sky piece) that some figures clearly enjoy extending the drama.

I just don't understand what combating immature comments is going to achieve. If you think that this is a war that ends with you nobody acting shittily anymore then you're wrong. If you think that publicly shaming the shitty behaviour does anything other than throw a bone to your side and the other side... well...

It's as mad as a teacher thinking they can eradicate naughtiness from all future generations of children. Scary, even.

1/6/2016 04:02:12 pm

To continue with that, I think a large part of the problem is anybody who thinks they have a solution to this. Of course you don't. Nobody does. This is just what happens when the entire world can interact with each other. "We" are statistically a bit soft and middle-class, and older. "We" have to accept that we're going to rub up against immature, angry teenagers/young adults who have a culture of Mountain Dew and Call of Duty. There is absolutely no stopping that, and I don't think putting on a big show about how terrible it is for you to have encountered it is a particularly commendable way of dealing with it. It's two groups whining about their favourite thing not happening at all times.

One of those groups has a lot of power (especially the ones who can *publish* their argument). It's disappointing when they use it foolishly by perpetuating a culture war.

Dr Kank

1/6/2016 02:13:59 pm

I noticed Keza Mcdonald as a Person You Make Like on the Digitiser 2000 twitter page, and then I checked out her profile and saw that she's got a book out about Dark Souls that I'm tempted to buy. But I'm worried that she might be one of the games journalists trying to end my relevance as a gamer or something nefarious like that. This has presented something of a dilemma. If she knocked a quid off of the price on Amazon, that would probably swing it for me.

Jesse Fuchs

1/6/2016 05:32:19 pm

It's an excellent book, though _very_ humanities-major. Lots of discussion of lore, environment, and the surrounding community, only cursory attention to the systems or the math underlying them.

Euphemia

1/6/2016 10:30:01 pm

It's a good read, lots of focus on the community aspect of the game. The ebook was well priced, too, if you like that sort of thing.

And, Death Threats to everyone! It's only fair.

1/6/2016 11:09:10 pm

I might give that book a go then.

Death Threats to everyone is definitely the way to go. The sooner we normalise death threats the better.

2/6/2016 06:07:56 pm

The Internet has just ruined the good old-fashioned death threat. Twitter just lacks the personal touch of a note written in blood, wrapped round a brick thrown through my window.

Random Reviewer

1/6/2016 09:29:13 pm

"everything I write about on Digitiser2000, everything I think, anything I ever say... might be wrong." Max respect Biffers. I wish more writers and commentators had this mindset, it would make the discourse so much more interesting.

2/6/2016 07:03:07 pm

But what if that sentence is one of the things he's got wrong and is feted to be right all the time?!

Enjoyable words though as always on topics that are not so easy to broach.

The only real solution to all this lies in a dystopia, so until then the problem will still exist and people who it effects need to deal with it in whatever way doesn't hurt them. Be that through thick skin or confronting it sensibly.

2/6/2016 06:05:19 pm

I'm taking this as an apology for that Sonic 3 review.

3/6/2016 09:54:49 am

Ironically... the one thing in my life I was right about.

3/6/2016 09:49:26 pm

But you might not be right there about being right about it. Apology stands.

WHY I'M WRONG ABOUT EVERYTHING - by Mr Biffo

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