DIGITISER
  • MAIN PAGE
  • Features
  • Videos
  • Game Reviews
  • FAQ

WHY I'LL NEVER BE CHARLIE BROOKER, AND WHY IT DOESN'T MATTER - by Mr Biffo

20/10/2016

39 Comments

 
Picture
Am I a failure? It isn't a question I ask myself often, but it is one that, I'm sure, we've all asked of ourselves. I know I've friends who view me as some big success, and I can totally see it from their perspective - even if I don't see it the same way. Almost 25 years on from its creation, Digitiser is still fondly enough remembered for 150 or so of you to give money to me every month.

I released a book, wrote a film that was critically mauled, and by any measure I'm a pretty successful kids TV writer. I have awards and nominations which are intended to tell me as such.

Admittedly, they don't mean a great deal to me. It's nice to get a pat on the head from your industry peers, but at the end of the day it's just opinions from a handful of people. It's success as measured by society; arbitrary and ultimately hollow. I don't fetishise or romanticise screenwriting as an art form, as some do. For me it's merely my job. Like all jobs, it's frequently a pain in the cracksie. 

Getting an award for being World's Best Dad, or Best Partner, or just being known as a decent person, would mean more than anything else. 

I'd much rather have personal satisfaction in my own work, knowing that I've been true to myself in what I produce. Something like Biffovision, or the recent Digifest spoof ads, mean far more to me than the Royal Television Society Award I've got semi-hidden behind the mirror in my living room, because I don't want it to look like I'm showing off.

And at the same time, there's that little voice in my head which serves to remind me - just occasionally - that I never lived up to my potential. I had a script editor once tell me - many years ago - that "We all know you're going to be massive". I don't think she was talking about my weight, and she probably wonders just what the hell happened. 

Someone who is massive, in terms of how success generally gets measured, is Charlie Brooker. As his new series of Black Mirror is launched on Netflix, there's a great interview with him in The Guardian today. He's asked a question about getting out of games journalism, and describes it thus: "I look back at my career and say: 'Phew!', like I got off the embassy roof on the last remaining helicopter."
Picture
LUCKY MAN
I used to know Charlie relatively well. He downplays his success as "luck", but there's no question in my mind that he would never have capitalised on that luck if he hadn't been phenomenally talented.

Not only talented, but somebody who people enjoy working with. There was never any evident ego about Charlie in all the times I met him.

The same can be said for other games journos who managed to escape the "ghetto" - Kieran Gillen (now writing for Marvel Comics), or Gary Whitta and Jane Goldman (both Hollywood screenwriters), or Danny Wallace (writer, presenter, actor).

Yes, there might've been a degree of being in the right place at the right time for all of them - Goldman is also, I probably don't need to remind you, married to Jonathan Ross. Nevertheless, luck and connections only get you so far. You have to be good at what you do. You need doggedness and vision, and not be an arse to work with. 

Certainly, at the point at which I could've been catapulted to that sort of success, my private life was falling apart. I was so eaten up with bitterness and anger, that instead of pushing myself I pushed people away. Even Charlie was somebody I lashed out at online - utterly without justification. I was so consumed by it all that I only saw enemies, and in doing so I created them. Or, at least, created people who probably thought I was a dick.

By the point at which I knew I had to reclaim myself, the only option for doing so was to fade away from any spotlight, and regroup.

RADAR LOVE
When I returned, I chose to return with the thing that first put me on your radar: Digitiser. In some respects it was me choosing a place that was comforting and familiar. Nothing I've ever done has been more mine than Digi. For all the battles with Teletext's editors, for ten years - almost a quarter of my life - I got to write about things that were important to me, and make myself laugh.

It was like coming home, and it says it all that my other half claims she can see a stark difference between how I am now, and how I was before I launched Digitiser2000. For years I'd been flailing around looking for some way to express myself without compromise, but was too scared to draw any attention. I'm beyond glad that I took the risk.

However, there are days when I question my choice to return to games writing. I love this site, I love writing about games, I love what it has given me: the interactions on Twitter, the emails, even the recent Block Party. I love the community that has grown around Digi2000 over the last couple of years. Not a one of you has been an arse to me. 

TIME TO MOVE ON?
But... here I am, a 45 year-old man, writing about video games on a website that pays homage to the thing for which I'm still best known - a quarter of a century later. That isn't meant to happen.

Most games journalists have moved on by my age. In the years that I was off writing kids TV in the trenches, YouTube took off. I do wonder whether people like Ashens and Larry Bundy Jr - both Digi fans, who've become mates of mine since I came back - have filled a void that I might've stepped into, if I wasn't busy licking my wounds.

Digi2000 isn't huge. I don't need it to be huge; I like that we're all part of this cult. I mean, I'm blessed that so many of you support me either through donations, or by reading what I have to say, and even if just one of you said you liked my work I'd still appreciate it. My Found Footage Kickstarter stands at over £11,000 today, with three weeks still to go. I know full well that I am a very, very lucky man. 

And outside of all that, in my domestic life I'm surrounded by love and support. I'm not wealthy admittedly - I was too busy feeling wounded to be smart with my money - but I'm far from destitute. By most measures I've done alright for myself. I'm a success in the ways that I know truly matter. 

​And yet... there's that little voice again. Have I, in some way, failed? And if so... what have I failed at?
Picture
BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR
I suppose it comes down to this: I don't think I've failed, but I wonder if I've failed in the eyes of others.

When I read Charlie talking about the way people look down on games journalists - heck knows I encountered it myself enough times - it does make me question myself, and my choices.

What is it about games journalism that makes it such an ill-respected profession? Why is there seemingly no honour or self-respect in writing about video games? I don't see myself as a games journalist, admittedly - Digi2000 is just me writing whatever the hell I want to write, from comedy lists about wasps to self-indulgent waffle like this. It's just that most of the time it's games that I want to write about.

The worst word in the English language is "should" - that sense that we have an obligation or duty to do something, irrespective of what we want, need, or are capable of. I "should" have pushed myself more, I "should" have tried harder to be a "success", but I wasn't capable of doing so at the time. I did only what I could.

Even now I remain hopeless when it comes to networking or being pushy - I don't even want to bother my bigger Twitter followers, people like Rab Florence, Robert Popper, Rufus Hound - or even Charlie Brooker and Danny Wallace - to plug my Found Footage Kickstarter. Even though their blessing would be a huge lift for it. 

I know that stems from insecurity. I don't want to be bothering them, because I view them as much more of a success than I am. A success measured, absurdly, in Twitter followers and money and things they've created. And here I am, the last remaining games journalist on the embassy roof, bleating about Q*Bert's nozzle, because I find that funny.

Picture
NO CONCLUSION
There's no real point or conclusion to this post, but I suppose it comes back to why I need Digitiser2000. Or, at least, the outlet for expression and personal exploration that it gives me.

Part games website, part stupid humour thing, part personal blog, it covers everything I seem to need. It also gives me a routine and structure that I was lacking; get up, do Digi, get on with other work.

With Digifest, with Found Footage, it also gives me stuff to aim for, over which I have the ultimate say. 

My day job is about meeting deadlines, pleasing producers and broadcasters, and writing to a brief. There's none of that with Digitiser2000. When I look at it from that angle, I don't feel any shame or embarrassment about not getting out of the embassy on time.

​For so long I thought I "should" be writing mainstream sitcoms, or travel books, like my Digitiser co-creator Tim Moore, or newspaper columns. I had a stab at all those and more or less gave up, because either my heart wasn't in it, or because striving for it seemed like too much effort for the reward. I was trying to do the things others thought I "should" be doing, instead of listening to my gut.

Games journalism might be viewed as the lowest form of writing, but Digitiser was enough of a success for anyone's lifetime, and I love that. Digitiser - whatever it is - might just be the thing I'm best at. Reaching a point where I accept that - regardless of what others might think - is, perhaps, its own form of success. Too bad it's never going to make me a millionaire, eh? But I suppose you can't have everything.

FROM THE ARCHIVE:
DEVELOPER DIARY: MARK ZUCKERBERG - WHY VR IS THE FUTURE OF ENTERTAINMENT
​
VIRTUAL REALITY WILL BE THE DEATH OF US - BY MR BIFFO
​
ME, MYSELF AND I, AND US AND THEM - BY MR BIFFO​


​
39 Comments
Alastair Foster
20/10/2016 01:07:59 pm

We love you Mr Biffo <3

Keep up the good work lad!

Reply
Mr Biffo
20/10/2016 01:10:50 pm

Shucks. Cheers, Alastair.

Reply
Clive Peppard
20/10/2016 01:11:13 pm

I like Charlie Brooker a lot.

He's married to Connie Huq though and for that reason i must hate him a little, she's far too lovely for such an acid tongued spite gusher.

for that reason Biffo trumps Brooker.

NB: your significant other may be equally as lovely as Huq Biffster - i have no comparison though..

Reply
MatthewL
20/10/2016 11:59:02 pm

While he's undoubtedly bright and talented, I could never warm to Brooker. Just a bit too snide and spiteful for my taste.

Reply
Waynan The Barbarian
20/10/2016 01:24:02 pm

I do enjoy reading these more personal blog-like musings, Mr Biffo.

You may not have the "success" some people think you should have but you do have a vast group of loyal followers like myself who tune in to Digi everyday to be entertained, informed and often moved by your written word.

Keep it coming, Sir.

Reply
Nick
20/10/2016 01:26:01 pm

You don't want one of those "Worlds Best Partner" awards. I got a worlds best husband mug last year, Stephen Fry didn't even turn up to the ceremony. It was a complete shambles.

Reply
Lofty from EastEnders
20/10/2016 02:28:21 pm

I feel a bit like this because Michelle left me and first had it off with that Den Watts and then, after leaving Albert Square, she changed her name to Susan Tully and became a successful television director. And what's become of me, huh?

Reply
MrPSB
20/10/2016 02:28:25 pm

Fannies

Reply
Timmypoos
21/10/2016 10:40:20 pm

Haha!

Reply
Reversible Sedgewick
20/10/2016 03:10:37 pm

I've got a long-standing theory about games, in that they fall between the two stools (fnar) of consumer product and entertainment endeavour (swerving the term "art"...)

And I think part of what's keeping it down there is the journalism, although it's a two-way street. When you read a site like IGN or Eurogamer it's like they've never been able to make up their minds whether they're 'Melody Maker' or 'What Hi-Fi?' I'm not sure any other industry would keep bumping along like that, but I guess it must suit someone.

I mean, no-one ever gave King Lear a score for "Durability".

So I can see why it would be a trap that other journos would want to get out of. But I think the funnies in Digitiser always meant that it could float above that to some degree. The limited wordcount was better spent on giving the reader a laugh rather than splitting the "Sound" score between a 7.1 and a 7.2.

Thank you for bothering to produce something with variety, basically.

Reply
Ian Beale
20/10/2016 03:32:33 pm

I prefer charlie brooks.

Phwoar

Reply
Chris Wyatt
20/10/2016 03:37:01 pm

You're telling me. He looks so rugged and manly. I want to rub my face in his stubble.

Reply
Andrew Gillett
20/10/2016 03:39:34 pm

You're the princess of our hearts.

Reply
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee? link
20/10/2016 03:40:41 pm

I've been told by 2 psychologists, a psychiatrist and an psychotherapist that "should" is one of the most dangerous and useless words in the English language. Once you actually listen to how often you say it to yourself, you start hearing how often it is said to you or to others - and yet it is still an insidious part of who we are. It is a difficult thing to shake off.

I think you are an absolute success Mr B - this site is usually my first port of call each day, and that is as much for the input of the community you have brought together here as it is for your entertaining and thoughtful musings. Digi for me is what makes the rest of the day more likely to happen.

Also - if Mr Florence, Mr Brooker et al have not yet contributed to/plugged your Found Footage - what the hell are they waiting for!!

Also also - 22 "es" - did you fall asleep on the keyboard or did the cat choose my name (incredibly honoured to own it either way!)

Reply
Obullivan
20/10/2016 03:50:47 pm

Remeber sir biffo, you may never be able satisfy ypur concerns, even millions of pounds may not bring you happiness or convince you of your success. Perhaps the reason you feel this way is simply the driver to continue and keep bein creative? like a carrot on a stick to keep you striving for more. Keep up the good work, I am a long time reader and wosh for many more chuckles to come.

Reply
dab88
20/10/2016 03:55:00 pm

Nothing means anything. Everything is pointless. Even Charlie Brooker with his interesting and funny social commentary will die, be forgotten and end up as dust, having made zero impact to the outcome of the universe. I always remind myself of this when I start to compare my success to others and feel bad- the perspective usually makes me feel better. For what it's worth, I quite like Mr Biffo and Digitiser :)

Reply
Spiney O'Sullivan
21/10/2016 12:08:11 am

Indeed. If you're doing something that makes you happy, then your life is as much of a success as it can be because in the long run, we're all dead. But if you can make other people happy too, bonus!

(Though if murdering people or something like that makes you happy, ignore the above)

Reply
Kelvin Green link
20/10/2016 06:28:29 pm

What you "should" do, Biffster, is whatever makes you happy. This seems to be doing that.

Reply
S Hawke
20/10/2016 06:38:48 pm

Is Digitiser 2000 really a games journalism website though? I mean there's quite a lot of other stuff - Ladbrokes, Mark Zuckerberg, research into fockses, stories about ghost trains and puppet boys and things like that. It's almost like a modern day almanac.

Also, Danny Wallace is a rubbish writer and his fans are all really weird.

Reply
Grodecki
20/10/2016 07:02:55 pm

In a selfish way from a fan's point of view, I much prefer your status to Brooker's. We can interact with you, post silly comments, get replies and feel a part of digitiser, in a way a fan of Brooker's never could.

I was watching a youtube personality, ashens, doing a stand up to cancer videostream where he played old games, and all it did was make me annoyed that you could never feel a part of it, as he had so many followers. There were hundreds of messages on the live chat every second, you couldn't get to know or recognise a regular, whereas here, you can.

Digitiser is intimate. As a fan I wouldn't trade that for anything.

Reply
David W
20/10/2016 08:58:42 pm

If only you'd attended Digifest, then you might have experienced an intimate/awkward moment with Ashens fumbling underneath your chair in his search for lies to feed Julian Rignall (see Quiz-Me-Do!)

I understand where you're coming from, but he was very approachable and generous with his time when I spoke to him at Digifest.

Reply
Grodecki
20/10/2016 10:02:45 pm

I'm sure he is! Friends of mine know him in real life and I wouldn't doubt that at all, it's just online you get lost in a sea of noise when you have that volume of followers. Whereas here Biffo can see all the rubbish we post and can't ignore it. I HOPE

Starbuck
20/10/2016 10:20:19 pm

QUIZ ME DO!

Spiney O'Sullivan
21/10/2016 12:01:51 am

Yeah, it was nice to meet him in a non-convention setting. His fellow YouTuber Mentski was good chat too. Actually, everyone was really nice at Digifest.

That said, unfortunately what you mention is often the way. If a thing is good enough to get big, eventually it outgrows the people it first reached. It's a difficult balance. I was reading an interview with the hilarious Limmy, who was saying how he tries to avoid that. That said, I certainly couldn't begrudge Biffo if he was swept to megastardom if Confessions of a Chatroom Freak became the new Harry Potter or Pudsey 2: Wrath of Cowell took off.

Chris Wyatt
20/10/2016 09:05:22 pm

That reminded me of when I was posting silly comments when Zuckerberg was doing a live BBQ on Facebook. Just so much noise, and you can be sure that everyone will only see a certain subset of messages; probably, your message is being completely filtered out.

Reply
Chris
20/10/2016 07:14:01 pm

Your (You're) ace.

Reply
Penyrolewen
20/10/2016 09:45:05 pm

I think it's a 'stage of life' thing Biffo. I'm a year older than your fair self and ask myself the same sometimes. I have far less external validation of any 'success' than you- no awards, books, films, anything really.
But that's ok. No, really, it is. I've always tried to 'work to live not live to work' and I've spent a lot of my life going places and doing things that I want to do and make me happy. And they have. Now I've got young kids (did it the other way round to you Biffo) I spend a lot of my life with them (and my wife), going places and doing things that make us happy.
Like you, I'm not wealthy but I'm not hard up. I've got a job I like, a work-life balance that balances and my health.
That's enough for me. I'll never play Wembley, get a Booker or Nobel prize or make a million pounds but we can't all do those things. Nor do we all want to. I'd hate to be famous. Rich, yes, but not if I have to work too hard for it - not because I'm lazy but because time, not money is more important to me.
This sounds smug, rereading it but it's not meant to. What I am trying to say is that success is often judged by what OTHERS consider successful. Just look inside and do what is right for you. Which obviously, you are. What with your site, block party and films. So I'll shut up, stating the obvious and all that.
Just keep it up Biffo, we all love what you're doing (not that you'll need my validation of course).
Shutting up.

Reply
MatthewL
20/10/2016 11:48:11 pm

Biffo, after reading that I just want to give you a big hug.

Reply
Barry Blamalow
21/10/2016 12:34:53 am

This really spoke to me. I was always going to be 'massive' in what I used to do and it never really happened. But as long as you've got your family and friends and are still able to create stuff that you love, nothing else really fucking matters.

Reply
Mr Biffo
21/10/2016 07:37:50 am

Aw... man. I really am too lucky. Thanks, everyone. I wasn't fishing for an e-hug, but I'll take it anyway.

Reply
John
21/10/2016 04:20:38 pm

Well, I think creating a website that's such a success (there!) is a success (circular argument, but who cares). And you've done other things, too!

On the 'other people' thing. Sometimes that's an internal voice, and isn't representative of any real people. Work to quieten that one. And sometimes it might represent actual comments. In that case, I think games are 'special' in that they're something some people go past - and so anyone 'still' working in an area their life has left behind can look to these mystical people like they haven't moved on. Even that they're a failure. Doesn't make it so.

And finally, success is all about how you define it. The main thing for me is in not always wanting more. What if you made a million, but the fun was in the making? Well, then you're on to making the second, or the billion, and five years after the first, you might feel a failure for not doing so. Define success as 'happy, not being a shit, and having enough' and you're there. Then it's about trying to live life so that you don't compromise future choice (e.g. maybe save a bit; or find a job you love and can do when 80, either way works) or get bored.

So. Success. It is you. And if that feels like a new state of affairs, helped by Digi, then that's wonderful and makes me very happy.

Reply
Informationtiontion
21/10/2016 07:05:05 pm

FWIW, I was offered the chance certainly to work with Charlie Brooker as a scribe on one of his projects, and missed out due to bad organisation on my part. I chalked it up to 'one of those things', and got in with other stuff.

But if I could go back in time and write a guest column on Digitiser, I would jump so hard at the chance that I would crash through the other side. And break the time machine for everyone. Which sounds like a bad thing, but would probably save us all from some spiralling universe wrecking anomalies.

Reply
Informationtiontion
21/10/2016 09:18:47 pm

Dunno how that spare 'certainly' crept in there. Typing on a phone with very assertive predictive typing,so perhaps my phone has better ideas than me.

Reply
roboJamie
21/10/2016 11:30:48 pm

Success. It's an interesting question, and as it happens one I asked about myself after Digifest last month. It hit a chord when you, Mr Hairs and Steve reminisced on stage about the teletext office and the working environment there. I had a similar experience in my early twenties, where I couldn’t believe the job I’d landed. I was surrounded by like-minded people who were a great laugh in the office, we had lunchtime beers, we took the piss out of the older, more serious guys, and we had a great, friendly work atmosphere. The work - designing the nancent UK network of a rather big mobile company - was high pressure with lots of late nights, but the atmosphere in the office was what made us tick.

It struck me after Digifest that no matter how good a job we did back then - or how many millions of people that our work had an affect on - that we’d never have a Digifest of our own. No-one in the public ever knew we existed, and certainly no director or project manager would get us all back together to celebrate a project completed 15 years ago. Nor would we have the public queuing up to meet us because ‘Pay as You Talk’ had been such a great success, or that the ‘Big Number Change’ of 2000 went without a hitch.

And it made me question my choices too. Sure, it was a nicely paid job, good career move, etc - all that stuff that’s expected of you. But what mark has it really left? Nothing at all. All the stuff we did has long been replaced, probably twice or 3 times over, by faster hardware, virtualised network functions and younger, hungrier, graduates.

Anyway, back to you. I genuinely believe that if Found Footage is of the same quality as the Digifest content, you’re going to be as much of a success as you want to be from here on. As for modern games journalism - if you no longer fancy it, stop it. Articles like these and the retro stuff are why I come to the site, I can get contemporary game reviews anywhere. But I can’t get Flansy C-Bong anywhere else.

Reply
Kelvin Green link
22/10/2016 12:59:21 pm

It's up to Biffo of course, but I would be sad if he dropped the games journalism because he's one of the few writers who isn't trying -- oh so very hard -- to show off how good a games journalist he is. Biffo says if he likes a game and why, and that's refreshing these days.

Reply
Mr Biffo
24/10/2016 10:42:08 am

Cheers, chaps. And don't worry about the games stuff: it's not going anywhere.

Reply
Keith
22/10/2016 08:47:30 pm

Just adding to what's already been said, but the re-starting of digitiser, as well as the honesty and open-ness about what it means to you, and how it fits into your life (not to mention the wisdom from someone who has had strikingly similar flaws to myself about ways to work within them without letting them ruin your life) has been a genuine inspiration as I make a relatively late in life attempt to make a living from doing things I love.
Cheers fella.

Reply
Larry Bundy Jr link
28/10/2016 07:48:09 am

Paul, It's something I stressed over a lot over the years, the what if's Etc. But the trick is to stop looking at other people's lives/careers and comparing them to yours and concentrate on what you're doing. It's hard to do and even I slip all the time, but you'll be far happier if you can accomplish that.

Reply
Gaming Mill link
5/11/2016 01:44:19 pm

I love Digi - I always have even from the beginning. That being said, I tried to explain what Digi is all about to an American woman once and she just made her excuses: "I'm going outside for a smoke" and left the pub. She didn't even smoke.

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    This section will not be visible in live published website. Below are your current settings:


    Current Number Of Columns are = 2

    Expand Posts Area =

    Gap/Space Between Posts = 12px

    Blog Post Style = card

    Use of custom card colors instead of default colors = 1

    Blog Post Card Background Color = current color

    Blog Post Card Shadow Color = current color

    Blog Post Card Border Color = current color

    Publish the website and visit your blog page to see the results

    Picture
    Support Me on Ko-fi
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    RSS Feed Widget
    Picture

    Picture
    Tweets by @mrbiffo
    Picture
    Follow us on The Facebook

    Picture

    Archives

    December 2022
    May 2022
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    November 2020
    September 2020
    July 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014


    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • MAIN PAGE
  • Features
  • Videos
  • Game Reviews
  • FAQ