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WHAT'S THE REAL STORY BEHIND THESE PHOTOS OF KIDS GETTING GAMES SYSTEMS FOR CHRISTMAS?

12/12/2016

11 Comments

 
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And thus, the annual orgy of consumerism is upon us. Are you one of those people who thinks Christmas has become too commercialised, without actually giving any actual historical precedent for what you think Christmas is actually for?

Fair enough if you don't like Christmas because you're on your own, or your cat died on Christmas Day when you were six, or you follow some other religion, or something. But be honest about it, and don't try to dress up your objection as some sort of moralistic crusade against capitalism. It just makes you look holier-than-thou and stupid.

Buying presents is great. Getting them is even better. 

I mean, you've never been to church, so what is your objection? Plus, let's face it... given your age, have you ever known a time when Christmas wasn't commercialised? Could it be that you're just objecting on knee-jerk principle, for the sake of being controversial, and because you're too scared to make yourself appear vulnerable? Might be worth having a think about exactly why you're always being so thoroughly contrary.

Here's another idea: if you don't like that people getting loads of presents for one another at Christmas, as an expression of their love and affection, why don't you try keeping your mouth shut?

Anyway... behold a gallery of video game kids from the olden days, when nobody gave a flying tart about how commercialised Christmas had become.
These two are far too young to get the most out of an Atari VCS. No wonder they grew up to be failed Eurovision contenders Jemini. 
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Spot the murderer #1. Cause of death: asphyxiation by E.T. stocking.
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Somebody forgot to have his Ritalin.
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Any parent will look at this photograph and feel a knot in their stomach; that's not so much a games console, as an argument waiting to happen.
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Spot the murderer #2. Cause of death: Head in fire.
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You're right for thinking that this boy looks about two weeks from going into hospital for his final run of treatment. Indeed, the NES shall be the final gift he ever receives.
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He got everything he wanted for Christmas: a TCR set, a skateboard, a Pong machine... and a medical training mannequin so that he can practice giving granny "CPR".
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CHILD (left): "AIEEEE! This Commodore 64 is hot to the touch!"
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Grey t-shirt boy: "Does my lipstick complement the Nintendo?"

Black t-shirt boy: "Nintendo is for babies!"
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Blue Jumper Boy: "Does my lipstick complement the Master System?"

Other boy: "I can't breathe."
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Look closely now. This boy is a) Wearing a pair of E.T. pyjamas, and b) Attempting to open his Atari Game Centre... WITH A SPOON. That's right: it's a young Uri Geller.
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Oh dear. Pale Blue PJs is trying to look pleased for his Texas Instruments Home Computer, but he's not fooling anyone. Look at Pale Green PJs; he's not even bothering. Soon they shall retire to their room to weep.
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See the terror in the child's eyes, as mom's new boyfriend, Lonnie, hogs the Atari. Child... Lonnie will never let you have your turn. Later tonight he's going to be selling that Atari to buy some more delicious meth.
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Girl: "Pole Position? But I wanted Strawberry Shortcake Musical Match-Ups..."

Parent (off): "Just try to look grateful for once in your life."

Boy: "I put tape over the dog's eyes and glued its mouth shut."
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Six months from now they'll be wandering around in a daze, wondering what happened...
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FROM THE ARCHIVE:
WANT TO FEEL OLD? ALL THESE GAMERS FROM THE SEVENTIES & EIGHTIES ARE NOW IN A COMA...
VINTAGE GAMING DURING AN AGE OF AUSTERITY
THESE TEN VINTAGE PHOTOS OF COMPUTER USERS EACH HIDE A HIDDEN TRAGEDY
11 Comments
Gosunkugi
12/12/2016 12:37:23 pm

The 12 days of Chritmas mirror the 12 stages of disappointment. Starting with 1) confusion over why your parents got you a Atari Jaguar when you asked for an actual Jaguar 5) Frustration after spending the entire afternoon explaining to gran you meant the car, not the animal, and it's not as simple as going down the shops to get it exchanged, especially when you know the parents are going to try and talk you into getting a 3DO or a Mazda. 12) Acceptance when you discover the Atari Jaguar's power cable is long and sturdy, perfect for when everyone else is asleep, and you can sneak down and hang yourself under the 45p Co-Op decorations.

Reply
Chris
12/12/2016 03:01:18 pm

I genuinely thought you meant the animal when I read point 1, I'm glad you clarified in point 5. I am your gran, and I claim my five pounds.

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Gosunkugi
12/12/2016 05:02:58 pm

All I have left are non-vegetarian fivers.

Chris
12/12/2016 05:18:52 pm

They'll do. Yum!

Voodoo76
12/12/2016 12:44:10 pm

Master System and a BMX? The spoilt bastards.

Reply
Ste Pickford
12/12/2016 01:07:16 pm

The packaging design on that Pong box is beautiful.

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Bruce Flagpole
12/12/2016 02:13:51 pm

It always makes me LOL looking at these photos of these poor saps and the 'standard edition' boxes at chrimbo. my Dad got me a special custom packaged Atari 2600, it came in a plain box with all the peripherals and cables already unpacked. Same when i got my NES a few years later.
I've always been a bit disappointed that later on when i was able to buy my own consoles, i've had to settle for the standard pauper editions - i could never find the 'blokedownthepub' shop my Dad had mentioned.

Reply
Kelvin Green link
13/12/2016 07:57:31 pm

Ah yes, for years I thought computer games came packed twenty cassettes at a time in a shoebox because that's always how my brother brought them into the house.

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Donnie
12/12/2016 02:20:55 pm

actually i hate christmas because it reminds me of my step-dad lonnie

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Billy-Bob Thornton
13/12/2016 01:21:57 pm

I'm quite impressed, as a fellow weirdo, on how you're able to acquire such an array of photographs from the ET era.

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Captain Whoops
13/12/2016 01:53:49 pm

An Atari Jaguar? No wonder they all grew up to be prostitute murderers.

Reply



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