"One things I'm really interesteds in is how bockses has changed over times. Like, where did bockses come from? Who invented bockses? Here are just a few of my favourite historical bockses, what used to contains the video games consoleses.
"Again, please don't stamps on Hadwin. Just the breads, please."
Imagine if evolution had worked like that - if the first fish to evolve legs hadn't dragged itself out of the sea, but had run straight onto the beach, and started doing cartwheels, and clicking its fingers, and going "Yeah yeah! Whooo! Nice one. Love it. Let's have some more of it, yeah?".
That's what this Atari VCS box does. "More games, More Fun". That's how you sell a games console: along with pictures of both the games and the people having fun. Keep the guff to a minimum.
Also: fifth picture from the left. Is that... Paul Gambaccini?
There's not a single numerical value to be found anywhere on there, apart from the two that I am choosing to ignore for the purposes of the point I'm trying to make.
Barring Sonic and his sassy attitude, there are no games on the front of the box. Also: numbers have appeared. Nobody actually knows what a bit is, but... well... if the Mega Drive has 16 of them then it must good. Right? Is that how they thought our minds worked?
Unfortunately, whenever I heard the words "bits" I always thought of my old primary school teacher Mrs Brookes, who was interrupted during a woodwork lesson by a pupil from the neighbouring class, who said "Mr Kirkwood wants to know if you've got the bits."
"Bits?" snapped Mrs Brookes. "What bits?!"
You had to be there.
"Bits? What bits?!".
She could've been speaking for us all.
Let's flip it over, and see if it can win "Rear of the Year". Do you see?
"What are you doing? Why are you making that weird bubbling sound?"
"Er, actually... I think you'll find it's called gobbling."
What's with those two kids in the photo, though? They look like they're in Logan's Run, or some other sterile early-1970s sci-fi movie.
"What if this thing doesn't have a pause button? What if I'm playing a game, and I receive a gentleman caller? What would I do?! I can't buy this!"
Atari has forgotten the most important thing that it sold with the Atari VCS: the big fun.
<HIGH FIVES SELF>
Also, I always wondered if the regular punter understands when tech people talk about things being "faster". It's kind of meaningless unless you understand what that means. Is it on wheels? Will it start whizzing around the living room? Stupid.
Which is ironic, as by this point, Sega was the MOST dense console manufacturer in the entire games industry. GET IN!
Anyway. Yeah, not bad. Lots of games get mentioned. It actually looks like something I might want to buy. Unfortunately, we've entered the "square black box" era of games hardware - and the Saturn just looks so boring. Such a shame they never went with the Japanese champagne colour scheme.
"COOL! COOL! COOL!"
"Shut-Up! Does anybody know how I make this thing stop screaming cool?"
"You can't. That's just what it does."
"COOL! COOL! COOL! COOL! COOL!"