Get this: Tetris was created 34 years ago this year! You know what else happened 34 years ago? The Space Shuttle gone and done its maiden flight, Tommy Cooper did a big grunty-squawk on stage, and The Herrey's won the Eurovision Song Contest for Sweden with their song Diggi-Loo Diggi-Ley (no: they really did... sample lyrics: "Diggi-loo diggi-ley, life is goin' my way/When I'm walkin' in my golden shoes/ Everything I ever dreamed of has suddenly come true!").
You are surely aware that the man most credited with the birth of Tetris was bearded Russian darling Alexey Pajitnov (who had some help from Dmitry Pavlovsky and Vadim Gerasimov, neither of whom had beards).
Following its creation, Tetris became mired in a swamp of contractual issues, format spaghetti and multiple versions (by the end of the decade, half a dozen different companies claimed rights over it). Somehow, it still managed to land on a whole bunch of systems, including the Amiga, Atari ST and NES - though it's fair to argue that it resisted becoming a cultural phenomenon for several stubborn years.
It was only following complex negotiations between Nintendo and - not a joke - Pajitnov, Robert "Disgraced Yachtsman" Maxwell's Mirrorsoft, and the Russian government that it transcended its tumultuous origins to become a bona-fide, epoch-defining, classic.
Tetris came out for Nintendo's Game Boy a couple of months after release, but in the rest of the world, it was bundled with Nintendo's dinky hardware, and its place in gaming history was, at last, secure. To wit: it became one of the biggest video games of all time, and ensured that the Game Boy was the handheld console of choice, farting all over the face of Atari's Lynx and Sega's Game Gear.
But what happened next? How does a kindly-faced bearded fellow, who looks like a Lord of the Rings character, follow-up such a colossal hit?
Here's how: by burrowing a big cranny into the earth using nothing but his own mouth, teeth and lips (with some games which didn't do nearly as well, and were mostly a huge disappointment)!
You are surely aware that the man most credited with the birth of Tetris was bearded Russian darling Alexey Pajitnov (who had some help from Dmitry Pavlovsky and Vadim Gerasimov, neither of whom had beards).
Following its creation, Tetris became mired in a swamp of contractual issues, format spaghetti and multiple versions (by the end of the decade, half a dozen different companies claimed rights over it). Somehow, it still managed to land on a whole bunch of systems, including the Amiga, Atari ST and NES - though it's fair to argue that it resisted becoming a cultural phenomenon for several stubborn years.
It was only following complex negotiations between Nintendo and - not a joke - Pajitnov, Robert "Disgraced Yachtsman" Maxwell's Mirrorsoft, and the Russian government that it transcended its tumultuous origins to become a bona-fide, epoch-defining, classic.
Tetris came out for Nintendo's Game Boy a couple of months after release, but in the rest of the world, it was bundled with Nintendo's dinky hardware, and its place in gaming history was, at last, secure. To wit: it became one of the biggest video games of all time, and ensured that the Game Boy was the handheld console of choice, farting all over the face of Atari's Lynx and Sega's Game Gear.
But what happened next? How does a kindly-faced bearded fellow, who looks like a Lord of the Rings character, follow-up such a colossal hit?
Here's how: by burrowing a big cranny into the earth using nothing but his own mouth, teeth and lips (with some games which didn't do nearly as well, and were mostly a huge disappointment)!
WELLTRIS
Pajitnov's 1989 follow-up to Tetris kept similar gameplay, but moved it into three dimensions - seemingly taking a degree of inspiration from Tempest (calling it Temptris would've been a good idea... and now that I've suggested it, I bet Pajitnov - an avid Digi reader, probably - is kicking himself... in the beard!!!).
It wasn't "beard" (bad), but the four-sided well departed from the purity and simplicity of its predecessor, making it the sort of game best enjoyed by people with upwards of five brains.
Oddly, certain versions of Welltris - including the arcade edition - appeared to feature a cartoon representation of Pajitnov in a lab coat. This was the first - but not the last - in-game recreation of Pajitnov's famous facial hair!
It wasn't "beard" (bad), but the four-sided well departed from the purity and simplicity of its predecessor, making it the sort of game best enjoyed by people with upwards of five brains.
Oddly, certain versions of Welltris - including the arcade edition - appeared to feature a cartoon representation of Pajitnov in a lab coat. This was the first - but not the last - in-game recreation of Pajitnov's famous facial hair!
FACES... TRIS III
Demonstrating how difficult it is to catch lightning in a beard, Pajitnov's second Tetris follow-up was the awkwardly-named Faces... Tris III. Why not Facetris? It's not great admittedly, but a vast improvement on that ellipsis-befuddled disgrace.
This time, face parts would descend from the top of the screen, and the aim was to align them to construct a complete face; similar to that kid's game where players draw different bits of a person before folding the paper and passing it on, or like something Mr Frankenstein would do.
What is remarkable is how few of the faces in Faces... Tris III featured beards. Given that Pajitnov is as well known for his beard as he is Tetris, this can only be seen as a stunningly wasted opportunity.
This time, face parts would descend from the top of the screen, and the aim was to align them to construct a complete face; similar to that kid's game where players draw different bits of a person before folding the paper and passing it on, or like something Mr Frankenstein would do.
What is remarkable is how few of the faces in Faces... Tris III featured beards. Given that Pajitnov is as well known for his beard as he is Tetris, this can only be seen as a stunningly wasted opportunity.
HATRIS
Suggesting that, perhaps, he had just one idea back in the 80s, Pajitnov's Hatris - or, as my autocorrect would have it, Pajitnov's "Harris" - was a match-5-style puzzler... the twist being that you had to match five identical hats.
Helping it to stand out from the pack, some versions of Hatris also featured a cartoon of Pajitnov's face - replete with his pleasing beard and "harris"!
Helping it to stand out from the pack, some versions of Hatris also featured a cartoon of Pajitnov's face - replete with his pleasing beard and "harris"!
KNIGHT MOVES
For Knight Moves, Pajitnov ditched the Tetris style, and took inspiration from an even older puzzle game: chess (pronounced "choss").
In this, players controlled the knight piece, as it was dropped it into a series of chess-like boards, where it could only move in the same L-shaped way it did in chess. The aim? Pick up coins and power-ups while avoiding perils such as monsters and lava pits.
It showed Pajitnov experimenting with more arcade-like elements, though, sadly, it was no classic - its steep difficulty curve discouraging players familiar with the more forgiving "Tetty" (Tetris).
In this, players controlled the knight piece, as it was dropped it into a series of chess-like boards, where it could only move in the same L-shaped way it did in chess. The aim? Pick up coins and power-ups while avoiding perils such as monsters and lava pits.
It showed Pajitnov experimenting with more arcade-like elements, though, sadly, it was no classic - its steep difficulty curve discouraging players familiar with the more forgiving "Tetty" (Tetris).
WORDTRIS
Probably Alexey Beardsley's best game since Tetris, Wordtris tasked players with building words of three letters or more from falling letter tiles. It's worth pointing out that one of the words you could spell was "beard" - and that certain stages featured a picture of a bear, a type of hairy animal who is always just one "D" away from a beard!
Yes: that does sound rather euphemistic, but it's probably for the best if you don't spend too long thinking about it.
Yes: that does sound rather euphemistic, but it's probably for the best if you don't spend too long thinking about it.
EL FISH
Pajitnov ditched puzzling altogether for 1993's El Fish; an esoteric aquarium simulator and fish-breeding game. He described it as a game designed for "people's souls". That might sound like a lot of fun, and while it was certainly innovative, there just wasn't a lot to do beyond mixing fish genes to make very slightly different types of sea creature... and then watch them swimming around.
Clearly, this was a labour of love for the bearded Pajitnov, and more an exercise in what he wanted from a game than something anybody else would ever want to play.
What an "el fish" (selfish) beardsman!
Clearly, this was a labour of love for the bearded Pajitnov, and more an exercise in what he wanted from a game than something anybody else would ever want to play.
What an "el fish" (selfish) beardsman!
ICE & FIRE
Hailed by a handful of idiots as a sort of "thinking person's Doom", Ice & Fire was a radical departure for Pajitnov. Set on an asteroid research facility - where the crew had been placed into cryogenic suspension to protect them from an alien infestation - the game is split into two distinct sections.
The first was a sort of on-rails flying level, and the remainder a more traditional first-person shoot 'em up with beard-stroking puzzle elements. It was all but ignored upon its 1995 release, despite being released for both the PC and PlayStation.
Thankfully, while Pajitnov was experimenting with different genres during this period, there remained one constant for fans of the Russian game designer; his beautiful, bounteous beard!
The first was a sort of on-rails flying level, and the remainder a more traditional first-person shoot 'em up with beard-stroking puzzle elements. It was all but ignored upon its 1995 release, despite being released for both the PC and PlayStation.
Thankfully, while Pajitnov was experimenting with different genres during this period, there remained one constant for fans of the Russian game designer; his beautiful, bounteous beard!
PANDORA'S BOX
Though another puzzle game, Pandora's Box was vastly different from Tetris. It was essentially a compilation of different puzzle types - jigsaws, matching shapes, building 3D objects etc. - strung together with a globe-trotting "plot". It was relatively well-received upon release, but - suffice to say - hasn't had much of an after-life.
Too bad Pajitnov didn't choose to make exploit burgeoning CD-ROM technology by releasing an interactive photo package containing images of his waggish "Russian bristles"!
Too bad Pajitnov didn't choose to make exploit burgeoning CD-ROM technology by releasing an interactive photo package containing images of his waggish "Russian bristles"!
HEXIC
A puzzle game much more in the style of his earlier work, Hexic was also reminiscent of many other match-3 puzzlers. Albeit on a hexagonal playing field.
There were follow-ups - Hexic HD, Hexic Deluxe and Hexic Rush to name but three - released for various console and mobile formats. However, Pajitnov has as yet failed to follow it up with a version where the hexagons were replaced with hats, shoes, or - ideally - beards.
Please, Papa Alexey, why you no do Beardtris game? Wait... ha ha: "Beardtris Potter".
There were follow-ups - Hexic HD, Hexic Deluxe and Hexic Rush to name but three - released for various console and mobile formats. However, Pajitnov has as yet failed to follow it up with a version where the hexagons were replaced with hats, shoes, or - ideally - beards.
Please, Papa Alexey, why you no do Beardtris game? Wait... ha ha: "Beardtris Potter".
ALEXEY'S DWICE
Released in 2006, Dwice finally saw Pajitnov return to falling blocks. Specifically, falling blocks of ice - which threaten to crush the habitat of the beardless troll-like creatures living at the bottom of the screen. Clearing the ice - which was sped up through the use of power-ups - could be achieved by clicking on two blocks of the same shape... while isolated blocks would then melt away.
That's right: you've never even heard of it - and for good reason: there aren't any beards in it!
That's right: you've never even heard of it - and for good reason: there aren't any beards in it!
MARBLY
After some years away from game development, Pajitnov finally came meandering back in 2013 with Marbly, yet another puzzle game - this time for iOS. It was further colour-matching - this time by moving marbles around playing areas of varying shapes - but was damned upon release for requiring players to spend actual money to access most of the later levels.
It was also, as the screenshot above would attest, an ugly looking atrocity with aggravating music; a long way from Tetris...
Diggi-loo diggi-ley,
Life is goin' my way,
When I'm walkin' in my golden shoes,
Everything I ever dreamed of has suddenly come true (beards)!
It was also, as the screenshot above would attest, an ugly looking atrocity with aggravating music; a long way from Tetris...
Diggi-loo diggi-ley,
Life is goin' my way,
When I'm walkin' in my golden shoes,
Everything I ever dreamed of has suddenly come true (beards)!
BEARD
Beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard beard.
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