Oh dear. When we asked seven of the most famous game designers of all time whether they'd ever snacked down on their own faeces, not a single one of them bothered to reply.
Or - perhaps - chose not to, for fear of public condemnation.
Got something to hide do you, fellers? Let's take a look at those who chose not to respond to our vital query.
Or - perhaps - chose not to, for fear of public condemnation.
Got something to hide do you, fellers? Let's take a look at those who chose not to respond to our vital query.
JOHN ROMERO
"Dear Mr Romero,
You don't know us, but we're big admirers of all the games you've worked on. Doom. Doom 2. Quake. Heretic. Hexen. We didn't much like Daikatana, but who did?! Ha ha. We were just wondering whether you could clear something up for us: have you ever eaten your own poo, and if so... did you eat it with your bare hands, or with your face in a trough like a dirty animal? And did you get any of it in your hair?"
NO RESPONSE
You don't know us, but we're big admirers of all the games you've worked on. Doom. Doom 2. Quake. Heretic. Hexen. We didn't much like Daikatana, but who did?! Ha ha. We were just wondering whether you could clear something up for us: have you ever eaten your own poo, and if so... did you eat it with your bare hands, or with your face in a trough like a dirty animal? And did you get any of it in your hair?"
NO RESPONSE
SID MEIER
"Hi Sid,
You don't know us, but we love your Civilisation games. Thanks for taking the time to read this. Quick question: have you ever eaten your own poo (faeces)? Incidentally, we found your email address on a forum. Cheers."
NO RESPONSE
You don't know us, but we love your Civilisation games. Thanks for taking the time to read this. Quick question: have you ever eaten your own poo (faeces)? Incidentally, we found your email address on a forum. Cheers."
NO RESPONSE
JOHN CARMACK
"Dear John,
As one of the co-founders of iD Software, we thank you for your kind contribution to the games industry, and all that you have done to move the medium of gaming forward. Great work! However, we would very much like to know - speaking as huge fans - whether you have ever crouched behind a bush and eaten one of your poos like it was a juicy sausage?"
NO RESPONSE
As one of the co-founders of iD Software, we thank you for your kind contribution to the games industry, and all that you have done to move the medium of gaming forward. Great work! However, we would very much like to know - speaking as huge fans - whether you have ever crouched behind a bush and eaten one of your poos like it was a juicy sausage?"
NO RESPONSE
LORD BRITISH
"Dear Sir,
As the creator of the Ultima games, fictional ruler of the Kingdom of Britannia, and amateur astronaut, we're sure you are very busy, but we wondered if you could spare a moment in your schedule to answer a question for us. Here is the question: have you ever done a poo poo on a trowel and then eaten it? Many thanks in advance for taking the time to reply."
NO RESPONSE
As the creator of the Ultima games, fictional ruler of the Kingdom of Britannia, and amateur astronaut, we're sure you are very busy, but we wondered if you could spare a moment in your schedule to answer a question for us. Here is the question: have you ever done a poo poo on a trowel and then eaten it? Many thanks in advance for taking the time to reply."
NO RESPONSE
WARREN SPECTOR
"Hi Warren (if that is your name),
You have a nice face, and don't look like the sort of person who would do something as deviant as consume your own waste matter. You're probably busy right now working on the next Deus Ex game, or something. But if you did get five minutes could you just fire us back a quick email with a YES or NO to this question: Have you ever eaten your own poo?"
NO RESPONSE
You have a nice face, and don't look like the sort of person who would do something as deviant as consume your own waste matter. You're probably busy right now working on the next Deus Ex game, or something. But if you did get five minutes could you just fire us back a quick email with a YES or NO to this question: Have you ever eaten your own poo?"
NO RESPONSE
CLIFFY B
"Hello Clifford,
Your poo: is that something you might've eaten (even if by accident)?"
NO RESPONSE
Your poo: is that something you might've eaten (even if by accident)?"
NO RESPONSE
JONATHAN "J-BLOW" BLOW
"Dear Mr Blow,
You're riding high right now, with the great reaction to your first-person puzzle game The Witness. May we take this opportunity to congratulate you on its success. Congratulations! While we have your attention, could you please clarify for all your fans and customers whether you've ever squeezed out a poo into the toilet, and then eaten it out of the bowl... and if so - what would have compelled you to do such a thing? Many thanks."
NO RESPONSE
You're riding high right now, with the great reaction to your first-person puzzle game The Witness. May we take this opportunity to congratulate you on its success. Congratulations! While we have your attention, could you please clarify for all your fans and customers whether you've ever squeezed out a poo into the toilet, and then eaten it out of the bowl... and if so - what would have compelled you to do such a thing? Many thanks."
NO RESPONSE
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