Voices. What are they? Where do they come from? Who makes them?
In the case of video games, we can answer at least some of those questions: the people who provide the voices are professional voice actors, who make the voices happen with their mouths.
However, the real thing we wish to know is this: would any video game voice actors like to accompany us to a field, where we could spend hours straining together until one of us produced an egg?
We contacted the representatives of 10 top game voice actors, and these are the disappointing responses we received.
In the case of video games, we can answer at least some of those questions: the people who provide the voices are professional voice actors, who make the voices happen with their mouths.
However, the real thing we wish to know is this: would any video game voice actors like to accompany us to a field, where we could spend hours straining together until one of us produced an egg?
We contacted the representatives of 10 top game voice actors, and these are the disappointing responses we received.
NATHAN DRAKE is played by NOLAN NORTH
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"Dear sir or madam. We understand you represent the actor Nolan North. He seems like a pretty fun guy. He seems cool, smooth. We have a request: would Nolan North be interested in accompanying us to a field, where we could spend hours straining together until one of us produced an egg? There would be no money involved, but we would let him keep the egg. Please respond immediately, or at the next available opportunity. Kind regards."
NO RESPONSE
NO RESPONSE
LARA CROFT is played by CAMILLA LUDDINGTON
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"Hello! We found your details on the Internet, and wondered whether you could please advise us of your client Camilla Luddington's rates, re: joining us in a field to spend hours straining together until either of us produced one sweet egg. Many thanks."
NO RESPONSE
NO RESPONSE
SUPER MARIO is played by CHARLES MARTINET
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"Buongiorno. Your client, Charles Martinet, voice of Mario - aka The Italian. He might like to come to a field where we'd spend hours straining together until one or the other of us produced an egg (un uovo). Ask him, and then get back to us. Hurry up. C'mon now, yeah? Nice. Thanks. Sincerely."
NO RESPONSE
NO RESPONSE
JOEL is played by TROY BAKER
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"Hi. We write with regard to the availability of your client Troyb Aker, with regard to an offer to join us in a field, where we would spend hours straining together until one of us produced at least one egg, possibly more. Possibly many? Dates are flexible for Troyb Aker. We can provide a packed lunch. What does he like? Hummus? Best."
NO RESPONSE
NO RESPONSE
ELLIE is ASHLEY JOHNSON
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"Hello. We are big admirers of the work of your client Ashley Johnson. We write with one simple request: would she be free to join us in a field, where we would spend hours straining together until one of us produced an egg? If she could provide her own transport to and fro the field, that would be helpful. Thank you for your time. Thank her for her time. Thank us for our time."
NO RESPONSE
NO RESPONSE
MARCUS FENIX is played by JOHN DIMAGGIO
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"Dear madam(?). Your client John DiMaggio played Bender in Futurama. Also Fenix in Gears of War. You already know this. You are all-knowing. Powerful, maybe? But what you don't know is that we'd be interested in DiMaggio joining us in a field, where we would spend hours straining together until one of us produced an egg. Dare you respond with your client's willingness to do this?"
NO RESPONSE
NO RESPONSE
TREVOR PHILLIPS is played by STEVEN OGG
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"Greetings! Here is a thing that two people can do comfortably together: visit a field, where they could spend hours straining together until one of them produced an egg. Here is a person who might do that with us: your client Steven Ogg (aka Steven 'Egg'?). Ask him for us, can you? Many many kind regards."
NO RESPONSE
NO RESPONSE
MICHAEL TOWNY is played by NED LUKE
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"Dear sir. Thank you in advance for agreeing to allow your client, Ned Luke, to join us in a field, where we will be spending hours straining together until one of us produces an egg. Please accept our apologies for the angry tone of this communication. Thanks again."
NO RESPONSE
NO RESPONSE
FRANKEN CLINTON is played by SHAWN FONTENO
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"Good morning/evening. We wish to arrange with you a telephone conference regarding an invitation we would like to extend to the actor Shawn Fonteno. It is a slight and delicate matter, concerning him joining us in a field, where we intend to spend hours straining together until one of us produces successfully one of these: an egg, at least. Can you please confirm with us a suitable time for this conference? Yours sincerely."
NO RESPONSE.
NO RESPONSE.
MAX PAYNE and ALAN WAKE are played by JAMES McCAFFREY
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"Your client James McCaffrey plays two characters in the video games, maybe more. We've not checked. Still. Here's another role that he might be interested in: joining us in a field, followed by hours straining together until one of us produced an egg. It needs to happen. It has to happen. If required, we would make a generous donation to a charity of his choosing (not one of the boring ones, please). All the best."
NO RESPONSE
NO RESPONSE
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