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VIDEO GAMES: HORRIBLE ACAPELLA STYLE

23/4/2015

6 Comments

 
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It isn't a programme we'd normally watch, but last week on BBC1's The One Show, we stumbled upon a performance by a comedy musical act. You know the sort of thing: a bunch of people stand around a piano in suits and evening dresses, and harmonise a song that's supposed to make middle class people chuckle. 

Frankly, we couldn't even begin to tell you what the song was about, because 20 seconds into it we had to turn over, or we'd have put our knees through the telly screen... at roughly the height of the performers' throats.

That might seem slightly excessive, but such things push the same buttons in us as - just plucking some examples out of the air here - Ainsley Harriott, Annie Lennox and Dynamo the "Street" Magician.

"Oh look at me, grandad, look - I'm floating! Not really - ha ha! It's just a trick: I'm hanging from some wires, and... oh. Grandad! Grandad, I pooed my pants again!". 

Tell us: how is that "street" or "magic"? You can't put a skinny man in a hoodie, and film him doing card tricks with a rapper, and expect us to buy that he's some urban tough... any more than you can sell us that Ainsley Harriott is anything other than a profligate, snake oil, opportunist, who has mistakenly assumed volume and stupid voices are qualities essential to being a TV chef. 

Something else you can add to our list of things that stoke an unreasonable amount of homicidal rage in us is this thing: acapella groups.

Indeed, it cannot be overstated that there are few things in life ruffle our ire quite much as acapella performances. It's hard to quantify, or put into words, the extent to which it makes our blood foam and boil, like a volcanic fissure made from molten displeasure. To our ears, it's the aural equivalent of someone slowly thumbing a boiled hen into our eyeballs.

We dunno. It probably has to do with the insufferable smugness of these people, coupled to the sheer, profound artistic vacuum they create upon the cultural landscape.

For no reason other than as a social experiment, here's a selection of video game themes rendered through the medium of vocal-only performances. We defy you to watch them without murdering someone.
Fortunately, this effort (performed, it would seem, by former contestants of SyFy's entertaining King of the Nerds reality show) adopts a marginally more disrespectful tone:
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6 Comments
I cuss them all bad
23/4/2015 05:42:23 am

Not a fan of Dokaka then? He gets points because:
a) he's quite mad and has been doing it for years, well before Web 3.0 was even a thing.
b) is a Bjork collaborator
&
c) actually featured in We Love Katamari...
http://youtu.be/Eb4D-TeREBs

Reply
Not from up North
23/4/2015 06:09:13 am

So, you dislike Dynamo, who is a northerner. Are you sure you're not middle class?

I had to look up acapella. It's singing without backing music, right? Isn't that basically what we all do while showering, sweeping a broom, and love making?

Besides, most of these videos seem to be of human beat-boxes. Digimites are meant to love and aspire to be human beat-boxes, aren't we?

I'm so confused.

Reply
Mr Biffo
23/4/2015 06:16:02 am

No, no. Still working class (my grandad was a chimney sweep - beat that). I just hate northerners. Joke. OBVIOUSLY.

I've never even met a northerner - they wouldn't get a foot past the remote-controlled, wire-topped gates of my sprawling country estate.

Reply
Pevin
23/4/2015 06:40:06 am

I always thought I'd lose the respect of the kids on my block if I criticised alopecia. In fact, that's why I'm posting using a fake name now.

Thing is, while these things might take a modicum of skill, they honestly sound shit compared to the original piece.

Reply
kelvingreen link
23/4/2015 06:47:18 am

I keep trying to get Smooth McGroove to do Monty on the Run, because I think it will break him.

Reply
colincidence link
23/4/2015 12:13:39 pm

This is more the thing. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fc_-ljcvWpI

Reply



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