Hello, boys and girls. I am BW, the whimsical quizmaster. Have you ever stopped to wonder who you are and what you are to me? I know I haven't, but that hasn't stopped me making snap judgements about other people.
Also, have you ever heard the phrase "Don't judge a book by its cover"? I can't have done, because it's something I do all the time. And not only to books - but to magazines, pamphlets and people as well. I'm history's greatest monster. Please - won't somebody stop me? Let me start again.
I have mental scarring.
Hello.
I have taken it upon myself to help myself judge who you are based upon the following personality quiz. Pick one answer from each of the four sections, and refer to the guide at the bottom to find out which type of gamer you are. If you don't do this I shall judge you harshly and swiftly. Attention: I am in terrible emotional turmoil, and I keep wetting myself.
Q1. What are you most likely to do in your nearest games shop?
a) Buy a copy of Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare
b) Buy some Nintendo Amiibo figures.
c) Shiver in the corner while manically eating a glove.
d) Deliberately fall limply against the second-hand games, and slide slowly down to the floor as you keep eye contact with a small child (...I don't like to whinge, but I've had a really, really terrible year - in all honesty, I should probably be seeking help instead of doing this quiz).
Q2. What are you most likely to do in your second nearest games shop?
a) Wonder aloud why you haven't gone to your nearest games shop.
b) Buy some Nintendo Amiibo figures.
c) Make a loud, discordant sound, before running behind the cash desk to serve customers, while sharply clicking your fingers at them, and making rapid, bird-like jerking motions with your head.
d) Spill a bowl of wet mung beans (...I mean, this whole thing is basically all just a long-winded cry for help - I'm hoping that if one of my stupid relations read this they'll realise how far it's gone, and that I wasn't being an attention-seeker when I got up behind the DJ console at Stevie B's engagement party and announced that I'm chronically unwell, and had wet myself twice - by which I mean, I got up there twice, not that I'd wet myself twice... although I had done that as well).
Q3. What are you most likely to do in your third nearest games shop?
a) Ask another customer why he thinks you have again shunned the two nearer games shops.
b) Buy some Nintendo Amiibo figures.
c) Pretend to choke to death on a petal.
d) Phone the shop you're in and demand to speak to yourself (...I don't suppose any of you feel like having me over for lunch this Sunday? Only, I used to go regularly round to my dad's, but after all that happened at Stevie B's engagement party - I also punched my grandmother in error, by lashing out at the dry ice "party smoke" - nobody wants anything to do with me, and I kind of don't want to be left alone with my thoughts and bladder. Sorry if that's a bit depressing, but what can I do? I never asked to feel this way - I promise I'll bring my own plastic sheeting).
Q4. What are you most likely to do in your not-quite-furthest-from-you-but-nearly games shop?
a) Ponder loudly whether you'll ever bother going to your nearest game shop again.
b) Buy some Nintendo Amiibo figures.
c) Tell everyone in the shop that you've invented a new dance called The F-46 Flapdoodle, and force someone to perform it, while peering at them passively through an empty glass bottle.
e) Seethe (...Look, anyway, sorry again - I don't wish to be a burden. You've probably got enough going on in your life without me adding to it all. I know what I can be like. I mean, you just finish off this quiz, and then you won't ever have to deal with me again. And in the meantime I'm going through Facebook and unlike every single thing on my friends' timelines that I ever bothered wasting the time pretending to have enjoyed. I mean, excuse me if my problems are too much for your perfect little lives, with your holidays to Spain and your dry underwear. I'll just stay in my disgusting little hovel and kill myself shall I? Shall I? Hello...? Please can I come over for lunch? I'll bring a starter: salted crisps).
RESULTS - What Sort of Gamer Are You?
Mostly As - Powerful Victorian Dandy.
Mostly Bs - Futuristic Hatemonger.
Mostly Cs - Social Justice Warrior.
Mostly Ds - Theatrical Ghost.
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