And so, as the Electronic Entertainment Expo approaches - striding towards us like an enthusiastic lewd with a divulged gusset - so too come the trailers. The latest to be unveiled is a teaser for Rise of the Tomb Raider - sequel to the 2013 multi-format prequel that rebooted the popular "searching-lady" franchise.
As we must all know, RotTR will be a Microsoft exclusive for at least a short period of time, so Xbox One owners might like to show this to their PS4-owning brethren, and bark: "Ha ha - you don't have anything like this, except for the new Uncharted game that's coming out, and then this, eventually".
But still. Never mind. We've put together a full and detailed breakdown of the trailer, which should save you the bother of having to do the same.
As we must all know, RotTR will be a Microsoft exclusive for at least a short period of time, so Xbox One owners might like to show this to their PS4-owning brethren, and bark: "Ha ha - you don't have anything like this, except for the new Uncharted game that's coming out, and then this, eventually".
But still. Never mind. We've put together a full and detailed breakdown of the trailer, which should save you the bother of having to do the same.
0.05 - The Olde Timey Photographs
"Throughout history, the boldest have dared to go further," breathes Ms Croft, in her husky English throb. Here, she's accompanied by what are probably photographs of famous explorers - whom we assume are Amelia Earhart, Earnest Shackleton, and Mount Everest pioneer "Climbing Man". We couldn't really be bothered to check, though.
0.11 - Frost on my Moustache?
Having survived the ordeal of the previous game, the sequel appears to be reframing Lara Croft as a driven adventurer, in the classic tradition. That's one way of dealing with your survivor's guilt/post-traumatic stress/combat neurosis.
0.21 - These Boots Were Made for Scaling
"What drives these few to the ends of the earth?" asks Crofty, before adding an answer of her own: "The search for something greater". Presumably, she's referring to a Bear Grylls-style TV contract, as per most modern explorers.
0.28 - Eye Eye, Captain.
Crofty's eye, with a mountain reflected in it. Or it might be some scrunched-up tinfoil.
0.31 - Climb Every Mountain
"The world is full of unanswered questions", she bleats on - as we ponder what those questions might be. "How long will Rise of the Tomb Raider be an Xbox One exclusive?"... "What sort of compromises have been made to ensure the game plays well on both the Xbox 360 and the Xbox One?"... "How many wild animals will Lara Croft slaughter this time around, without so much as flinching?".
0.36 - Snow Way
Look at her there. All alone. Any adventurer worth their salt will tell you not to venture onto a mountain without others. Lara Croft must be some sort of stubborn idiot.
0.46 - This is Getting a Bit Boring Now
Yeah, yeah. Mountain, and snow, and all "Oooh, look at me all strong and independent, and I don't need anyone to climb this mountain".
THAT'S NOT HOW IT'S DONE!!!
That's just not how it's done...
THAT'S NOT HOW IT'S DONE!!!
That's just not how it's done...
0.57 - Oh No! Noooo! NoNoNoNoNoooooo!
Told you! Now a real bad thing has happened! The mountain has broken, and Lara Croft is falling!!! <SINGS> Falling, Falling, Falling, Falling... Falling really quick! Falling 'cause she's thick!
1.16 - Phew!
It's alright, everyone: false alarm. Lara Croft is alive, and just in time to pose for her hero shot in the entrance to a mountain tomb. But what, we wonder, is she looking at...?
1.20 - What She Is Looking At
It seems to be some sort of big, white, egg... Could this be... the long-lost Egg of F'Poomba?!?
1.27 - Egg Hatches
It is! It is the long lost Egg of F'Poomba, and Lara's hot breath has caused the egg to thaw - and now the egg has hatched! And who's that who was inside? Why, it's Sullivan Peters, the bird-man! Hey, Sullivan - welcome to the world, buddy!
1.33 - Sullivan is Hungry
Making yourself be born is a lot of work, so it's little wonder that Sullivan is starving. Fortunately, his mother is on hand to give him a feed, dribbling a type of bird-porridge into his gaping maw, via her own beak.
1.36 - Kaw! Kaw! Kaw!
Sullivan's space friends hear his newborn cries from their lofty astral perch, and they return the cries in kind - their frantic caws echoing throughout the cosmos. A new son is born to the Universe today.
1.39 - Title Screen
RSS Feed
