Oh, Terminator Genisys. Poor, poor Terminator Genisys. Why you turn out so bad?
From the woefully misguided casting (just WHO keeps putting the unappealing and charisma-free Jason Clarke and Jai Courtney in summer tentpole movies?!), to the moment that terrible title was announced, through to the godawful marketing - posters that looked like GCSE Photoshop jobs, and a trailer that gave away the twist - it always seemed doomed, another example of a studio-dictated product, and no clear steer from any one creative individual.
The frustrating thing is, there's a good film in there somewhere. You can see moments where the director and screenwriters are trying, striving hard for something better than awful... and in all honesty, it isn't as catastrophic as some of the reviews would have you believe.
Yet neither is it anywhere near as good as Arnold Schwarznegger ("Dis movie is a perfect 10!") or his close friend James "What do you want me to say about it?" Cameron would have you believe, but just as it's hard to see a clear individual vision, it's difficult to point the boney finger of blame at any one person. It feels like a movie by committee. Specifically, a committee of people who said "Here's a billion dollar budget - so long as you spend it all on Arnold and make sure someone fires a gun every 30 seconds."
From the woefully misguided casting (just WHO keeps putting the unappealing and charisma-free Jason Clarke and Jai Courtney in summer tentpole movies?!), to the moment that terrible title was announced, through to the godawful marketing - posters that looked like GCSE Photoshop jobs, and a trailer that gave away the twist - it always seemed doomed, another example of a studio-dictated product, and no clear steer from any one creative individual.
The frustrating thing is, there's a good film in there somewhere. You can see moments where the director and screenwriters are trying, striving hard for something better than awful... and in all honesty, it isn't as catastrophic as some of the reviews would have you believe.
Yet neither is it anywhere near as good as Arnold Schwarznegger ("Dis movie is a perfect 10!") or his close friend James "What do you want me to say about it?" Cameron would have you believe, but just as it's hard to see a clear individual vision, it's difficult to point the boney finger of blame at any one person. It feels like a movie by committee. Specifically, a committee of people who said "Here's a billion dollar budget - so long as you spend it all on Arnold and make sure someone fires a gun every 30 seconds."
You can see what they were going for - it's just hobbled by an over-complicated plot that gets knocked further off course due to the incessant (and ultimately numbing) action beats, some chronically cheesy dialogue (which stronger actors might've just been able to sell), and a woeful lack of ideas as iconic and inventive as, say, a robot covered in human skin, or living liquid metal. Why don't they go back to, I dunno, cowboy times to kill Sarah Connor's great-grandparents, or send flesh-covered tanks or robodogs through time, or something?
But anyway. If you, like us, you were rendered clinically depressed by Terminator Genisys, and spent the weekend self-harming, there's always video games to take solace in. Here are the Top 5 Terminator games, as chosen by Vvord Pringle-Trang (us).
But anyway. If you, like us, you were rendered clinically depressed by Terminator Genisys, and spent the weekend self-harming, there's always video games to take solace in. Here are the Top 5 Terminator games, as chosen by Vvord Pringle-Trang (us).
5. THE TERMINATOR (Mega Drive)
Not the first game based upon The Terminator - it was preceded by unrelated NES and PC games (the latter being particularly risible) - but Virgin Interactive's Mega Drive version of The Terminator was the first good game in the franchise. Or, at least, good while it lasted.
Starting in 2029, it loosely followed the plot of the first movie across four woefully short levels - the difficulty of which was cranked up to 14.9 in an attempt to hide their brevity. The opening level was particularly grinding - with you attempting to take down wave after wave of laser-armed terminator, with pitifully imprecise grenades. Still, what was there looked splendid, and mostly played well.
Starting in 2029, it loosely followed the plot of the first movie across four woefully short levels - the difficulty of which was cranked up to 14.9 in an attempt to hide their brevity. The opening level was particularly grinding - with you attempting to take down wave after wave of laser-armed terminator, with pitifully imprecise grenades. Still, what was there looked splendid, and mostly played well.
4. ROBOCOP vs TERMINATOR (Various)
Once again leading with a Mega Drive version, Robocop Vs Terminator was a much better effort than Virgin's previous game. Inspired by the Dark Horse comics mash-up, the game was astonishingly violent - enemies erupted like overripe watermelons when shot.
With you adopting the mantle of Robocop, it was solidly, unashamedly arcade-like, starting in the streets of Detroit, before taking a detour to the future. The Super NES version was similarly solid, but Sega's machine - unusually for the time - had been awarded the extra splish-splash of love.
With you adopting the mantle of Robocop, it was solidly, unashamedly arcade-like, starting in the streets of Detroit, before taking a detour to the future. The Super NES version was similarly solid, but Sega's machine - unusually for the time - had been awarded the extra splish-splash of love.
3. THE TERMINATOR: RAMPAGE (PC)
The first Bethesda Terminator game in a long line of Bethesda Softworks Terminator games, was pre-Doom and looked it. Though 3D, it was set in a simplistic version of 1984 LA, with players assuming the role of a recently time-travelled Kyle Reece or T-800.
Ahead of its time, its map was so huge it boasted time travel, and stores in which you could not only buy weapons to aid in your sprawling duel, but items including - weirdly - condoms. For all its ambition, it wasn't very good.
Next to dribble forth from Bethesda's nozzle was The Terminator: 2029. Despite some wonky controls - players could only move in four directions - it had the novelty of being a FPS (ish) set during the War Against The Machines.
Bethesda finally found their stride with 1993's Rampage - which borrowed heavily from Wolfenstein, and saw players infiltrating Skynet, by ascending through floor after floor of bland office building. Unfortuantely, Doom was already making waves, and Rampage arrived perhaps a year or two too late to make an impact.
Ahead of its time, its map was so huge it boasted time travel, and stores in which you could not only buy weapons to aid in your sprawling duel, but items including - weirdly - condoms. For all its ambition, it wasn't very good.
Next to dribble forth from Bethesda's nozzle was The Terminator: 2029. Despite some wonky controls - players could only move in four directions - it had the novelty of being a FPS (ish) set during the War Against The Machines.
Bethesda finally found their stride with 1993's Rampage - which borrowed heavily from Wolfenstein, and saw players infiltrating Skynet, by ascending through floor after floor of bland office building. Unfortuantely, Doom was already making waves, and Rampage arrived perhaps a year or two too late to make an impact.
2. T2: THE ARCADE GAME
You know: it's one of those light gun arcade games that you always see kids hogging, even though they're not actually playing. Go away, children. Go back to your caravans.
Roughly following the plot of the superlative Terminator 2, it expanded on the movie with scenes set in the future - before the Terminator is sent back in time, and enemies never glimpsed in the movie. Appearances from the stars of the movie - only Linda Hamilton declined to approve her likeness - added to the authenticity. A home version was released in 1992, with the predictable downgrade in visuals and playability.
Roughly following the plot of the superlative Terminator 2, it expanded on the movie with scenes set in the future - before the Terminator is sent back in time, and enemies never glimpsed in the movie. Appearances from the stars of the movie - only Linda Hamilton declined to approve her likeness - added to the authenticity. A home version was released in 1992, with the predictable downgrade in visuals and playability.
1. TERMINATOR: FUTURE SHOCK (PC)
In all honesty, Future Shock is the only must-play Terminator game. Set wholly during the future apocalypse, it was wonderfully and bleakly atmospheric. Though the visuals have dated, the sound - all desolate wind and grinding metal - evokes the flashback/flashforward sequences seen in the films.
It was all blistering pockets of radiation, toppled buildings, and rubble-strewn paths and roads - you also got to drive around ruined LA in a jeep thing. It all added to the sense of post-apocalyptic ennui. It was also ahead of its time - it beat Quake to being the first FPS to use mouse-look controls and fully texture-mapped environments. If that's the sort of thing you care about.
It was all blistering pockets of radiation, toppled buildings, and rubble-strewn paths and roads - you also got to drive around ruined LA in a jeep thing. It all added to the sense of post-apocalyptic ennui. It was also ahead of its time - it beat Quake to being the first FPS to use mouse-look controls and fully texture-mapped environments. If that's the sort of thing you care about.
RSS Feed
