21 boys are having their hair cut. And all 21 boys are making a ridiculous fuss about it. If only there were somebody brave enough to stand up and say what we're all thinking... 21. IT'S JUST A HAIRCUT. BUT LOOK AT THIS KID. LOOK AT THE STATE HE'S IN. WHAT A FUSS. SOMEBODY REALLY OUGHT TO TELL HIM TO SHUT-UP. 20. ANOTHER BIG, WHINY, BABY. ANYBODY WOULD THINK HE WAS HAVING HIS FINGERS CUT OFF. GO ON - TELL HIM TO SHUT-UP. 19. LISTEN TO THAT RACKET: "WAAAAH! WAAAAAH!". NOW DO WHAT YOU'RE HERE FOR AND TELL THIS KID TO SHUT-UP. 18. LOOK AT HIM SNIVELLING. PUT AN IMMEDIATE END TO THIS CHARADE, AND TELL THAT KID TO SHUT-UP. 17. "BOO-HOO. I HAD TO HAVE MY HAIR CUT". YOUR PURPOSE TODAY IS AS FOLLOWS: SILENCE THE IDIOT BOY, BY TELLING HIM TO SHUT-UP. 16. WHAT A PITIFUL, GODAWFUL RACKET. SOMEBODY NEEDS TO TELL HIM SHUT-UP. THAT SOMEBODY IS YOU. 15. YOU LIST AMONG YOUR MANY QUALITIES AND SKILLS, AN ABILITY TO TELL WHINGEING HAIR CUT BABIES TO SHUT-UP. IT IS TIME TO EMPLOY THAT ABILITY. 14. DO THE OPPOSITE OF THIS: DON'T TELL THE SOBBING HAIR CUT BABY TO SHUT-UP. 13. THIS UGLY WHINGER NEEDS TO HEAR SOME STERN WORDS FROM YOU. THOSE WORDS INCLUDE "SHUT" AND "UP". 12. IF YOU DON'T TELL THIS HAIR CUT CRYBABY TO SHUT-UP, EVERYONE WILL THINK YOU'RE A COWARD. 11. IT WON'T BE HARD TO TELL THIS SCREECHING POMEGRANATE TO BE QUIET. WE'LL COUNT YOU DOWN. THREE... TWO... ONE... 10. CHRIST ON A CORMORANT. IT'S IN STEREO NOW. TWO BABIES, AND YET STILL ONLY ONE NEED TO ISSUE THE INSTRUCTION FOR THEM TO SHUT-UP. 9. THE WOBBLY CHIN. THE DOWNTURNED MOUTH. AND TWO EARS, READY TO ACCEPT THE FOLLOWING WORDS: SHUT-UP, IDIOT. 8. IF YOU WANT TO MIX IT UP, WHY NOT GET SHAKESPEAREAN ON THIS LITTLE SAP'S ASS? VERILY THOU MUST TELLETH HIM TO SHUTETH UPETH. 7. LET'S PLAY WOULD YOU RATHER... WOULD YOU RATHER HAVE YOUR NOSE CHEWED OFF BY A MAGISTRATE... OR SUFFER THE BRIEF GUILT OF TELLING A WAILING HAIR CUT BOY TO SHUT-UP? 6. WHO CAN SAY WHY THIS MOP-TOPPED JUVENILE IS SUCH A WIMP? MAYBE HIS PARENTS DIED IN CHILDBIRTH. WHAT HE NEEDS IS A FIRM HAND. TELLING HIM TO SHUT-UP IS IN HIS BEST INTERESTS. YOU BE THE PARENT. 5. NOTHING THEY'RE DOING TO MUTE THIS WEAKLING IS WORKING. IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO SWOOP IN AND SHOW THEM HOW IT'S DONE. 4. YOU WERE PUT ON THIS PLANET FOR ONE PURPOSE ALONE: TO TELL THIS HOWLING HOMUNCULUS TO PUT A SOCK IN IT. 3. YOU'VE NOTHING TO LOSE. JUST TELL THE KID TO SHUT UP, AND THEN YOU CAN GET ON WITH YOUR DAY. 2. WILL YOU BEHOLD THIS SNIVELLING LITTLE DWARFLING GET RIGHT UP IN THAT EAR AND HISS THE FOLLOWING: "SHUT UP". 1. ALRIGHT. HE LOOKS HAPPY ENOUGH. BUT YOU'VE COME TOO FAR NOW TO BACK DOWN. YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO.
2 Comments
Thom Yorke
6/6/2016 12:15:46 pm
Umm, why were they all Chinese? Are you chinesist, Biffo?
Reply
Mr Biffo
6/6/2016 12:44:54 pm
I hadn't even noticed... so what does THAT say about YOU?!
Reply
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