DIGITISER
  • MAIN PAGE
  • Features
  • Videos
  • Game Reviews
  • FAQ

THE WEIRD WORLD OF NINTENDO'S GAME & WATCH - PRESENTED BY PAN

25/7/2016

4 Comments

 
Picture
Picture
Howdy, folks. I'm Pan, the god of the wild, and the shepherds and the flocks, and the companion of the nymphs. I'm the original sexy-time boy! Unfortunately, I've got a bit of a sore throat at the moment, so I haven't been blowing my famous pipes as much as I normally would.

You see, I had a bit of traumatic experience in the lavatory last week. I'd gotten my moist toilet tissues mixed up with a packet of self-tanning wipes, and - suffice to say - I didn't know where it was all coming from. I was in there for hours calling for help, and by the time I figured out what was happening, my throat was raw, and I had the brownest bumcrack in all of Ancient Greece!

However, this has afforded me plenty of time to enjoy one of my other favourite things: Nintendo's Game & Watch handheld game series. I'd therefore like to present to you this gallery of some of the more obscure entries in Nintendo's long-running series. TTFN! 

JUDGE (1980)
Picture
Fans of Super Smash Bros. might be familiar with Judge - the character from Nintendo's fifth Game & Watch title - where he appears in the form of an alternative attack by Mr Game & Watch.

In Judge, two players went head to head, controlling hammer-wielding characters, who had to wallop their opponent over the head, should they display a higher number than them. You know: like a version of that popular playground game, 'Hitting People on The Head With a Hammer'.
HELMET (1981)
Picture
Hilariously, this game was retitled 'Headache' in the UK, as - apparently - it was felt that the word 'helmet' has certain lewd connotations within our dirty shores. Consequently, it's hard to read the following sentence without reading unintended filth into it: Helmet's gameplay required the player to avoid being hit in the head by tools that were being tossed over a shed.
LION (1981)
Picture
Another game which gets referenced in Super Smash Bros. - by way of a chair-based attack - Lion cast the player as a lion tamer, whose job was to prevent a lion from escaping its cage, by constantly reinforcing the bars. Sadly, history doesn't record how Nintendo came up with the unusual and imaginative title for the game...
EGG (1981)
Picture
A variation on countless other Game & Watch titles, Egg had you playing a wolf, attempting to catch eggs as they rolled out of hens' cloacas.

​If you are unfamiliar with how that process works, please allow us to elaborate: the hen turns part of the cloaca and the last segment of the oviduct inside out, rather like a glove. The red membrane is then everted inside of these organs. The egg emerges far outside, at the end of the bulging membrane.
TURTLE BRIDGE (1982)
Picture
Quite how Mr Game & Watch got himself into this predicament is anyone's guess, but Turtle Bridge finds him ferrying luggage from one side of a river to another, using the backs of turtles as stepping stones. We can only conclude that Mr Game & Watch is a massive idiot of some sort.
RAIN SHOWER (1983)
Picture
Rather than bring the washing inside, the ghastly oaf in Rain Shower attempts to move the clothing on his washing line to avoid specific raindrops. "Just take it in, stupid!", we would shout at the screen, not quite realising how video games work.
LIFEBOAT (1983)
Picture
Catch cruise ship passengers as they leap from a burning vessel, saving them from shark-infested seas. A more realistic scenario would have had the passengers fleeing their vomiting shipmates, who were infected with the norovirus.
SPITBALL SPARKY (1984)
Picture
The first game in the short-lived SuperColor series (so named for a colour overlay on the screen), Spitball Sparky was a shameless Breakout rip-off, wherein the player fires spitballs upwards to break blocks. Disgusting, really. Also, look: no crosshair D-Pad!
CRAB GRAB (1984)                                                                                                               
Picture
A bit like Tetris... but with crabs. Ha ha.
BOXING (1984)
Picture
The first game in Nintendo's Micro Vs series, Boxing boasted two joypads - featuring the iconic Nintendo D-pad design - for two-player punchings. It was developed concurrently with the NES beat 'em up Urban Champion - though was released prior to the latter.
DONKEY KONG CIRCUS (1984)
Picture
Do they still have animals in the circus these days? Probably not, thinking about it. Which is a shame, because back in the day it was just about the only way you'd ever get to see a depressed seal parping on a bullhorn.

Donkey Kong Circus was yet another variation on the move-back-and-forth-and-catch-things genre - albeit with Mario lobbing the things, and Donkey Kong rolling around on a barrel. The Game & Watch Panorama Screen and Tabletop Series games were beautiful to look at, but somewhat less popular than their flat-bodied cousins.

​Presumably due to the lack of portability, and the overwhelming technicolour visuals.
DONKEY KONG HOCKEY (1984)
Picture
In short: it's Mario vs Donkey Kong in a game of hockey. And yes - despite that fact, it's Donkey Kong who gets star billing. Mario, for the most part, was still little more than his sidekick and antagonist during the 1980s. Oh, how those tables turned. It's like when Robbie left Take That.
GOLD CLIFF (1988)
Picture
A platformer with disappearing platforms, Gold Cliff owned more than a slight debt to both the original two-screen Donkey Kong, and Indiana Jones. Notably, it featured crabs once again. Nintendo loved its crabs. Or hated them. One or the other. Either way: CRABS!
MARIO THE JUGGLER (1991)
Picture
The final Game & Watch, Mario the Juggler was post-NES, and arrived just after the launch of the Super NES - and Super Mario World. It paid its respects to Ball, the first ever Game & Watch game, albeit with far more colourful visuals, which were clearly inspired by its home console counterparts. Also, coming two years after the release of the Game Boy, Nintendo fans were already taking their eyestrain in another form...
FROM THE ARCHIVE:
10 VIDEO GAME CARTOONS THAT YOU'VE COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN ABOUT
​
NOBODY NEEDS TO SEE THIS DISGUSTING GALLERY OF MONKEY BUMS, BUT WILL YOU LOOK AT IT IF WE SAY THERE MIGHT BE SOMETHING ABOUT POKEMON GO AT THE END?

GAMES OF MY YEARS: POKEMON - BY MR BIFFO
4 Comments
Gaijintendo
25/7/2016 01:47:02 pm

I am pretty sure Pan is the guy in the cubicle behind me.

Reply
Chris
25/7/2016 10:08:19 pm

I own a postcard featuring Pan, erm, "enjoying himself" with a goat.

Reply
Col
27/7/2016 08:56:13 pm

Has the bloke in the top picture got a massive hand? I had one of those game and watches, and I could swear it was twice that size.

Reply
Mr game & watch
29/10/2018 08:45:28 am

Thats not the real games . only solar keychain .and it's not playable...

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    This section will not be visible in live published website. Below are your current settings:


    Current Number Of Columns are = 2

    Expand Posts Area =

    Gap/Space Between Posts = 12px

    Blog Post Style = card

    Use of custom card colors instead of default colors = 1

    Blog Post Card Background Color = current color

    Blog Post Card Shadow Color = current color

    Blog Post Card Border Color = current color

    Publish the website and visit your blog page to see the results

    Picture
    Support Me on Ko-fi
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    RSS Feed Widget
    Picture

    Picture
    Tweets by @mrbiffo
    Picture
    Follow us on The Facebook

    Picture

    Archives

    December 2022
    May 2022
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    November 2020
    September 2020
    July 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014


    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • MAIN PAGE
  • Features
  • Videos
  • Game Reviews
  • FAQ