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THE WALKING DEAD: ZOMBIE DAVE EDITION

19/11/2014

8 Comments

 
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EXT. PRISON - DAY

A herd of WALKERS are pushing against the outer fence.

RICK, CARL and DARYL approach, armed with sharpened sticks.

CARL: Papa! Papa! What must we do here today?

RICK: See these walkers here, Carl?

CARL: I do, Papa! There are so many. One… two – oh, so, so many! 


RICK: Well, we need to clear all the walkers from the fence.

ZOMBIE DAVE: Frrrrrrrg rrrrrrf.

RICK: Watch what me and Daryl do.

Rick and Daryl start ramming their sharpened sticks into the walkers’ brains.

CARL: Ha ha! That looks like so much fun. My go! My go!

Carl pushes his sharpened stick into a walker’s brain.

CARL: Wheeee! I made one of them do this thing: die. I’m a big boy now.

ZOMBIE DAVE: Nr. Yrrrr rrr trrrrwt. Rr lrrrrdl trrrrrwt. Frrrrrg rrrrf.

RICK: Just remember, everyone - they’re already dead. You’re not actually killing them.

ZOMBIE DAVE: Yrrz yrrrr frrrrgn rrrr!

RICK: Quickly now. Let us move along the fence.

ZOMBIE DAVE: Wrrd rr srrc. Drrddn yrrr urrrrzd trrr brrr rrrn Thrrrrz Lrrrf?

RICK: That’s the way, everyone. Walk and stab. Walk and stab. 


CARL (singing): Walk and stab! Walk and stab! This is fab! This is fab! Stab fab crab! Crab crab crab! CRAB! CRABS! CRABS!!!

RICK: What a beautiful song that is, Carl. And you're doing splendid work. See how I rub the top of my head in appreciation. I do this now because society has fallen, and we must find new ways of doing things.

Rick furiously rubs the top of his head, then stabs a female walker in its face.

ZOMBIE DAVE: Rrrrrrrrr! Thrrd wrrrz mrrrr grrrrrlfrrrnd yrrrr frgggng brrrrdrrd crrrrnd!

RICK: That’s it, Carl. Keep jabbing them in the brains like I am.

ZOMBIE DAVE: Nrr! Whrrrr rrr yrrrr drrrng thrrrrrz?! 

RICK: You're very quiet, Darryl. 

DARYL: Mrrrbrlll drrrrm drff drff drrmllbrrb.


ZOMBIE DAVE: Crrnd.

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8 Comments
Monkeymanobob
19/11/2014 03:21:16 am

Ever since days gone by, reading Digitiser on Teletext the only way I can understand Zombie Dave is to read it aloud.

Reply
AlmightyCasual link
19/11/2014 11:11:18 am

Yrrr frgggng strrppprd crrnd.

Reply
Adam
20/11/2014 12:23:58 am

Oh man, I hope someone gets cussed up real bad soon. MORE MORE MORE!!!

Reply
adam ant
21/11/2014 04:49:14 pm

i'd like to know what the rapping shoe thinks of all this

Reply
john eddowes
22/11/2014 01:57:38 pm

oh man! actual digitiser, as it should have been all those years ago!

i fucking love this.

Reply
Mr Biffo
23/11/2014 03:33:46 am

Glad you love, JE. Cussing and Rapping Shoe to follow inevitably.

Reply
Deexan link
25/11/2014 09:54:06 am

I gave up hope of new Digitiser many moons ago.

I thought Mr Biffo on Twitter was an imposter, but followed him anyway in the hope of some lols.

Then I spent the last couple of weeks at work trawling through the classic archives on Teletext.org.uk.

So to then find that Digi is back and that Twitter Biff is Real Biff, well, it's probably the best thing that's happened since that great thing happened that time.

I imagine I said this on the Board of Biffo when I signed up but Digi was a highlight of my days for a good decade. It warmed my cockles like a tramp's fart warms his sleeping bag.

I shall spread the word as far and as wide as my limited web-reach will extend.

Reply
Deutschland
9/1/2015 06:46:27 am

Frrrrgn brlllrrrrnt.

I've always hated Carl.

Reply



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