"The next generation of #Nintendo is coming March 2017! #NX"
So read the tweets from Nintendo's international subsidiaries this morning, suggesting this: a global release for the next Nintendo console in ten months time.
Additionally, Nintendo has announced that its new Zelda game - originally scheduled for this year - has been delayed until 2017.
Though due to be a title for both the Wii U and whatever the NX is, there is now speculation that the delay is to ensure it will be a day one launch game for the latter.
Did that sentence make sense? To be honest, we started to drop off about midway through, and remain so bored by it that we can't be bothered to go back and check.
But anyway. Picture a year from now: you're going into your local games shop. You want to buy a Nintendo NX. This is how we suspect it might play out.
So read the tweets from Nintendo's international subsidiaries this morning, suggesting this: a global release for the next Nintendo console in ten months time.
Additionally, Nintendo has announced that its new Zelda game - originally scheduled for this year - has been delayed until 2017.
Though due to be a title for both the Wii U and whatever the NX is, there is now speculation that the delay is to ensure it will be a day one launch game for the latter.
Did that sentence make sense? To be honest, we started to drop off about midway through, and remain so bored by it that we can't be bothered to go back and check.
But anyway. Picture a year from now: you're going into your local games shop. You want to buy a Nintendo NX. This is how we suspect it might play out.
INT. A SHOP - DAY
A RONNIE wearing a woolly hat and wellington boots enters the shop, and approaches the counter, behind which is another RONNIE wearing a brown shop coat.
FIRST RONNIE: NX.
SECOND RONNIE: NX?
FIRST RONNIE: NX.
SECOND RONNIE: There you go.
The Second Ronnie places an egg on the counter.
FIRST RONNIE: Not an egg. NX. An N and X.
SECOND RONNIE: Gotcha.
The Second Ronnie places a chicken alongside the egg. And places another egg beneath the chicken.
SECOND RONNIE: There you go. An 'en and its eggs.
FIRST: I never said an 'en and its eggs. NX is what I want!
The Second Ronnie places a photograph of a woman on the counter.
FIRST RONNIE: What's that?
SECOND RONNIE: What you wanted. An ex. That's a photograph of my ex, Franzine. Phwoooar!
FIRST RONNIE: Not an ex. NX! A Nintendo NX. An X for my 'Tendo.
SECOND RONNIE: Ah. I'm with you now.
The Second Ronnie empties a box of bird throats onto the counter.
FIRST RONNIE: WTAF?
SECOND RONNIE: Necks. Turkey necks. Necks for turkeys.
FIRST RONNIE: Not turkey necks! NX!
SECOND RONNIE: No necks? Who goes into a shop and says he'd like to buy no necks?
FIRST SECOND: Not no necks - NX! A Nintendo NX!
SECOND RONNIE: You want a Nintendo annex? An annex for your house? To put your Nintendos in? You want me to build one for you? I'll get me 'ammer.
The Second Ronnie reaches behind the counter and struggles to pull out a comically oversized hammer. As he tries to lift it he starts twitching and blinking manically.
FIRST RONNIE: Not an annex! An NX! All this stress is giving me an NX cyst!
SECOND RONNIE: An exorcist? Are you a ghost? We don't serve ghosts here.
The Second Ronnie points to a sign reading "WE AIN'T SERVIN' NO GHOSTS". He starts scuttling back and forth, opening and closing his hands, like a crab.
FIRST RONNIE: An NX!
SECOND RONNIE: Amex? American Express? That'll do nicely, sir. And what will you be buying from
us today?
FIRST RONNIE: An NX, for the love of Christ!
SECOND RONNIE: A Tex-Mex? There's one down the road. Lovely burritos.
The second Ronnie licks his lips and performs four pirouettes.
FIRST RONNIE: No! Not a Tex-Mex! An NX!
SECOND RONNIE: Ohh! Got you now.
The Second Ronnie leans backwards, and waggles his tongue at the ceiling, then places a sheet of silicone on the counter.
FIRST RONNIE: What's this?
SECOND RONNIE: What you asked for. Nanex. It's a sheet of non-combustible silicone. Nanex is a high expansion silicone foam that has been developed by taking advantage of the latest polymer technologies. It features unprecedented, superior properties, including excellent heat/cold resistance and low combustibility, providing a wide range of applications.
FIRST RONNIE: I just want an NX! Please give me NX!
SECOND RONNIE: Simplex? The herpes simplex virus? Well you're the customer!
The Second Ronnie removes his clothes, leans over the counter, and starts trying to kiss the First Ronnie.
FIRST RONNIE: Get off me! What are you doing?!? I don't want this! I want NX.
SECOND RONNIE: Ant sex? Right you are, sir.
The Second Ronnie puts a sexy ant wearing lingerie onto the counter.
SECOND RONNIE: Don't mind if I watch do you?
FIRST RONNIE (turns to camera, fumes): Well, this is the very last time I ever shop at Game!
The First Ronnie pulls out a gun and shoots himself in the face.
A RONNIE wearing a woolly hat and wellington boots enters the shop, and approaches the counter, behind which is another RONNIE wearing a brown shop coat.
FIRST RONNIE: NX.
SECOND RONNIE: NX?
FIRST RONNIE: NX.
SECOND RONNIE: There you go.
The Second Ronnie places an egg on the counter.
FIRST RONNIE: Not an egg. NX. An N and X.
SECOND RONNIE: Gotcha.
The Second Ronnie places a chicken alongside the egg. And places another egg beneath the chicken.
SECOND RONNIE: There you go. An 'en and its eggs.
FIRST: I never said an 'en and its eggs. NX is what I want!
The Second Ronnie places a photograph of a woman on the counter.
FIRST RONNIE: What's that?
SECOND RONNIE: What you wanted. An ex. That's a photograph of my ex, Franzine. Phwoooar!
FIRST RONNIE: Not an ex. NX! A Nintendo NX. An X for my 'Tendo.
SECOND RONNIE: Ah. I'm with you now.
The Second Ronnie empties a box of bird throats onto the counter.
FIRST RONNIE: WTAF?
SECOND RONNIE: Necks. Turkey necks. Necks for turkeys.
FIRST RONNIE: Not turkey necks! NX!
SECOND RONNIE: No necks? Who goes into a shop and says he'd like to buy no necks?
FIRST SECOND: Not no necks - NX! A Nintendo NX!
SECOND RONNIE: You want a Nintendo annex? An annex for your house? To put your Nintendos in? You want me to build one for you? I'll get me 'ammer.
The Second Ronnie reaches behind the counter and struggles to pull out a comically oversized hammer. As he tries to lift it he starts twitching and blinking manically.
FIRST RONNIE: Not an annex! An NX! All this stress is giving me an NX cyst!
SECOND RONNIE: An exorcist? Are you a ghost? We don't serve ghosts here.
The Second Ronnie points to a sign reading "WE AIN'T SERVIN' NO GHOSTS". He starts scuttling back and forth, opening and closing his hands, like a crab.
FIRST RONNIE: An NX!
SECOND RONNIE: Amex? American Express? That'll do nicely, sir. And what will you be buying from
us today?
FIRST RONNIE: An NX, for the love of Christ!
SECOND RONNIE: A Tex-Mex? There's one down the road. Lovely burritos.
The second Ronnie licks his lips and performs four pirouettes.
FIRST RONNIE: No! Not a Tex-Mex! An NX!
SECOND RONNIE: Ohh! Got you now.
The Second Ronnie leans backwards, and waggles his tongue at the ceiling, then places a sheet of silicone on the counter.
FIRST RONNIE: What's this?
SECOND RONNIE: What you asked for. Nanex. It's a sheet of non-combustible silicone. Nanex is a high expansion silicone foam that has been developed by taking advantage of the latest polymer technologies. It features unprecedented, superior properties, including excellent heat/cold resistance and low combustibility, providing a wide range of applications.
FIRST RONNIE: I just want an NX! Please give me NX!
SECOND RONNIE: Simplex? The herpes simplex virus? Well you're the customer!
The Second Ronnie removes his clothes, leans over the counter, and starts trying to kiss the First Ronnie.
FIRST RONNIE: Get off me! What are you doing?!? I don't want this! I want NX.
SECOND RONNIE: Ant sex? Right you are, sir.
The Second Ronnie puts a sexy ant wearing lingerie onto the counter.
SECOND RONNIE: Don't mind if I watch do you?
FIRST RONNIE (turns to camera, fumes): Well, this is the very last time I ever shop at Game!
The First Ronnie pulls out a gun and shoots himself in the face.
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