DIGITISER
  • MAIN PAGE
  • Features
  • Videos
  • Game Reviews
  • FAQ

THE TOP 10 CAVEMAN GAMES

24/2/2016

10 Comments

 
Picture"THIS NEVER HAPPENED IN THE OCTOPUS'S GARDEN"
Far Cry Primal is the first bona-fide caveman game for several years, though one that's woefully historically inaccurate, given that it doesn't include a single dinosaur or volcano.

Thats like releasing a cowboy game which didn't feature a chiropractor who lives in a motorised fish tank.

Still... as the history of caveman games shows us, not every game has been so liberally lewd with prehistoric fact. 

CAVEMAN (1983)
Picture
Caveman by Tandy was an electronic desktop game. As the above advert attests, it was both exciting and "dangerous" - given that the player's caveman character had to contend with both volcanos and dinosaurs. The overall objective? Egg-theft. Are we alone in thinking that "Tandy" would be a good name for a caveman?
FRAK! (1984)
Picture
Something of an iconic BBC Micro game, Frak! also appeared on the Commodore 64 and Acorn Electron. It starred a caveman called Trogg, who has to transverse platforms to retrieve keys. Standing in his way are a variety of enemies: Scrubbblies, Hooters and Poglets.

​Though there's no evidence of these creatures existing in the fossil record, there's no reason to believe that they didn't. More certain in its historical veracity is Trogg's weapon of choice - a yo-yo. Some believe that it was first used in Ancient Greece as a type of rubbish weapon. Presumably, along with hacky-sacks, hula hoops, and the Fisher Price Chatter Telephone.  
ADVENTURES OF DINO RIKI (1987)
Picture
A vertically-scrolling NES shoot 'em up in the vein of 1943, this featured the titular Dino Riki throwing rocks, axes, boomerangs and flaming torches at an assortment of fire-breathing dinosaurs. Could dinosaurs actually breath fire? It seems unlikely. But - according to many religions - no more unlikely than dinosaurs themselves.
CAVEMAN UGHLYMPICS (1988)
Picture
Released for the NES, Commodore 64 and PC, Ughlympics featured a number of prehistoric sports: Sabre Race (the contestants run from a sabre-toothed tiger while trying to avoid obstacles); Mate Toss (the player must fling their male or female mate as far as possible); Firemaking (rubbing sticks as fast as possible to start a fire); Clubbing (attempting to club an opponent over a cliff while dancing to techno)... and just before you started to think that this was all a little too historically accurate - there was also dinosaur racing, and an event where players had to straddle a tyrannosaurus rex, or something.
BC KID - BONK'S ADVENTURE (1989
Picture
Released to a variety of formats, but debuting on the TurboGrafx-16, Bonk's adventure was a warmly received - if rather rote - platformer. His method of attack was to head-butt his enemies, suggesting he hailed from a region that would eventually become the modern day Glasgow.

Inevitably, it featured a variety of dinosaurs, some of which wore hats. Indeed, even the object of Bonk's affections - Princess Za - was a pink dinosaur, indicating a degree of interspecies breeding that would account for our current Royal Family and the Chancellor of the Exchequer - The Right Honourable George Osborne.
CHUCK ROCK (1991)
Picture
Pre-Lara Croft, Chuck Rock was the closest Core Design came to having a mascot. Chuck defeated his enemies by hitting them with a beer belly, or by - yes - chucking rocks at them, while spouting his catchphrase: "Unga Bunga". He was compelled  to rescue his wife Ophelia Rock - which sounds like it's intended to be an innuendo... but doesn't really work - from the clutches of the unfortunately-named Gary Gritter. The only way that could've been worse is if he was called "Jimmy Gravile". 
JOE & MAC: CAVEMAN NINJA (1991)
Picture
By now you should be identifying a theme among these games. Suffice to say, there was nothing about Joe & Mac: Caveman Ninja - an arcade game that later came to most home systems - which set it apart from Chuck Rock or Bonk. And yet, despite being utterly nondescript, and featuring what were fast becoming caveman game cliches, Joe & Mac somehow returned for a couple of sequels. Here's how interested we are in telling you about those: not in the slightest.
BIG NOSE THE CAVEMAN (1991)
Picture
This... this is the NES caveman game. The one with the big nose. A 1992 sequel was entitled Big Nose Freaks Out. Both feature Big Nose, a caveman with a big nose. Which would've been a bit like calling Mario "Moustache in a Hat". 
TAIL OF THE SUN (1996)
Picture
Finally - something different! A sort of 3D role-playing game, Tail of the Sun was virtually ignored on release, despite having some nice ideas. Essentially set in a prehistoric sandbox world, the player could help its village thrive by gathering resources. The ultimate objective was to build a tower of mammoth bones to reach the sun: hence the title.

​Death was ever present - from drowning, falling off things, or attacks from wildlife - as was the threat of your character falling asleep at inopportune moments. Collecting stones would grant your villagers new abilities - such as swimming - and spear-chucking. With a subtle enviro-friendly message, over-hunting would lead to a decline in local fauna, making it harder to achieve your objectives.

​Talking of not meeting your objectives...
B.C. (2004)
Picture
One of Peter Molyneux's great lost games, B.C. promised to be the caveman epic we all wanted - but never deserved. Though mixing dinosaurs with other elements of prehistory, like so many of these ridiculous games, B.C. incorporated the sort of tribe-building that Molyneux seems to love, but mixed it with action elements.

​Typically, Molyneux announced the cancellation of B.C. with one last blast of tear-stained hype: "The decision to suspend work on any games project is always a very difficult one, particularly when it is a title with the potential of BC". Oh, Peter!
FROM THE ARCHIVE:
REVIEW-IN-PROGRESS: FAR CRY PRIMAL
Q&A - NICK "FRAK!" PELLING
10 VINTAGE COMPUTER ADS


10 Comments
Chris
24/2/2016 12:56:01 pm

"He was compelled to rescue his wife Ophelia Rock - which sounds like it's intended to be an innuendo... but doesn't really work"

You say that, but her maiden name was Ophelia Fanny.

Or something.

Reply
Steeeeve
24/2/2016 01:39:42 pm

You forgot The Humans, the caveman-iest game of all (on account of featuring more cavemen than all the other games combined, probably). It's genuinely one of my favourite games ever, and given the correlation between release date and ranking on your list, its 1992 release date would make it the 3rd best on the list! Second best if you ignore BC, which you should, because it never came out, the idiot.

Reply
Mr Biffo
24/2/2016 01:43:22 pm

I forgot loads... Annoyed at forgetting The Humans, though.

Reply
Kelvin Green link
24/2/2016 01:56:05 pm

I had a Flintstones game on the C64. Does that count, Biffo?

There was a caveman in Sega's Eternal Champions but none at all in Atari's Primal Rage, which is a bit weird given the aesthetic.

Reply
Paddy
24/2/2016 08:18:52 pm

What about BC's Quest for Tyres on the C64? Did I dream it or did it happen?

Reply
Deathhamster1
24/2/2016 08:25:11 pm

No mention of Frak! is complete without mention of the rude version:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rx7eIUKPobE

It's worth noting that Chuck Rock's 'unga bunga' sample was also lifted from the Captain Caveman TV show without permission...

Reply
Hamptonoid
24/2/2016 11:51:50 pm

B.C. Bill was one of the first games I ever played. It has not aged well - graphically or morally...

https://youtu.be/Ih0YpeeDb7g

Reply
colincidence link
25/2/2016 02:54:03 am

I was rooting for the arcade cartoon football game Stone Ball.

Reply
stealthwolf
26/2/2016 12:21:47 pm

BC Bill. Loved it on the ZX Spectrum. Hit a woman over the head with a club, drag her back to your cave by her hair, and have sex. I used to play this as a kid. Why can't dating be easy like this? Maybe it's why I've no success with the ladies.

Reply
Dan
31/7/2022 03:53:22 am

Cavemen were a different time period than dinosaurs so Farcry Primal is more historically accurate than you think

Reply



Leave a Reply.

    This section will not be visible in live published website. Below are your current settings:


    Current Number Of Columns are = 2

    Expand Posts Area =

    Gap/Space Between Posts = 12px

    Blog Post Style = card

    Use of custom card colors instead of default colors = 1

    Blog Post Card Background Color = current color

    Blog Post Card Shadow Color = current color

    Blog Post Card Border Color = current color

    Publish the website and visit your blog page to see the results

    Picture
    Support Me on Ko-fi
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    Picture
    RSS Feed Widget
    Picture

    Picture
    Tweets by @mrbiffo
    Picture
    Follow us on The Facebook

    Picture

    Archives

    December 2022
    May 2022
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    November 2020
    September 2020
    July 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014


    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • MAIN PAGE
  • Features
  • Videos
  • Game Reviews
  • FAQ