Bronnnnnngg! Hello. Batman here. Bronnnnnng-g-g-g-ggood! You're probably wondering why I keep making that noise. Well, it's elementary really: I've slightly changed what it is that I do. Instead of swooping around, fighting crime in Gotham City, now I just hang out in launderettes with my trousers round my ankles, shouting that noise into the washing machine drums. It really scares people!
To celebrate the release of my new game - Batman: Laundry Perv - here are ten computer and video games that celebrate me in my prime, before I started doing that thing that I now do. Brongggg-gg-g-g! Ha ha. It cracks me up every time! Why don't you take a picture, madam? It'll last longer.
To celebrate the release of my new game - Batman: Laundry Perv - here are ten computer and video games that celebrate me in my prime, before I started doing that thing that I now do. Brongggg-gg-g-g! Ha ha. It cracks me up every time! Why don't you take a picture, madam? It'll last longer.
10. BATMAN (Amstrad, ZX Spectrum)
The first ever Batman game - developed by Ocean Software, and released with a lovely cover art by the reliable Bob Wakelin - delivered a cutesy super-hero, in an isometric jamboree of the type that was popular back then. Developed by Jon Ritman - who went on to create the similarly isometric Head Over Heels - it had you collecting Batmobile parts, in order to rescue Robin. It's a shame they never did a sequel in which Batman collected Robin's parts in order to rescue the Batmobile.
9. BATMAN: THE CAPED CRUSADER (Amiga, C64, ZX Spectrum, Amstrad)
Ocean held onto their Batman license for this - a side-scrolling beat 'em up that adopted a sort of flip-panel comic book approach. But wait! This was actually two adventures in one - with Herr Bats taking down both The Joker and the Penguin. We've not played it in years, but seem to recall it looking gorgeous, but being a bit on the ponderous side, like Batman had overdone it on the mogadons again.
8. BATMAN: THE MOVIE (Amiga, Atari ST, C64, ZX Spectrum, Amstrad)
And still Ocean churned out the Batman games - this one being based upon the first Batman movie, which is nowhere near as good as everyone remembers. It mixed platform levels with Batmobile stages - cornering was via the wholly impractical method of shooting grappling hooks at lampposts, in order to... basically, y'know... it was a Batman game, so he did loads of Batman stuff, and things, and virtually nothing that was out of character for Batman. Which, we suppose, is what you want from a Batman game.
7. BATMAN (Mega Drive)
Another Batman game. To be honest, we thought this rundown might be a bit more interesting than it is. Perhaps we'll start making stuff up instead.
6. BATMAN RETURNS (Mega Drive, SNES)
In this exciting Batman game, Batman travelled to Wales, where he bought a dugong, stuffed its mouth full of pulses, and threw it under a milk float!!!!!
5. LEGO BATMAN 2: DC SUPER-HEROES (Multi)
In this exciting Batman game, Batman gets to hang out with all his friends: Wilbur Jr, Reliable 7, Hen, Ben, Ken and Ten-Ten, Yorlando, Borlando, Wurst, Reliable, and Burst!!!!
4. BATMAN (Arcade)
In this exciting Batman game, you drive a variety of Batmobiles, in a sort of angst-ridden version of Mario Kart!!!! Unusually, credits are awarded by temperature, via a built-in rectal thermometer: the warmer the player is up there, the more goes they get to have!!!!
3. INJUSTICE: GODS AMONG US (Multi)
In which Batman breaks into Taylor Swift's house, and puts a couple of realistic rubber birds next to her bed!!!
2. BATMAN: ARKHAM CITY (Multi)
You've all played this one: the best Arkham game to date, and possibly of all time - depending on what the consensus is on Arkham Knight (our review imminent). This game is notable for revealing that Batman has a secret crush on a cloud he once saw!!!!!!
1. THE REVENGE OF SHINOBI (Mega Drive)
Not really a Batman game, but notable for featuring un-licensed depictions of Godzilla, Batman and Spider-Man-like characters, which had to be removed following copyright threats. This wasn't the only time Sega got into trouble in this way: there's a whole section of Sonic The Hedghog which features Bob Hoskins vomiting into a jar.
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