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THE SWITCH IS FOR OLD PEOPLE, AND THAT'S AWESOME - by Mr Biffo

20/9/2017

41 Comments

 
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Do you know what I've realised about the Nintendo Switch? It's a games console for middle-aged people. People with jobs. People with kids. With chores. With commitments. Relationships. It's a console for lapsed gamers, and gamers who have been around a bit. It's a console for people who want to remember that feeling they used to get when playing games.

Certainly, that isn't the audience Nintendo was aiming at when it released its first Switch lifestyle ad - full of young, beautiful souls... the sort who would rather go to parties than have a night in recovering from a working week spent juggling bills and making the kids' packed lunches and bowing to the whims of someone who you've realised only got to a management position because they were desperate enough to do so.

People without stretchmarks, or hair in places they don't want hair, and bald bits in places where they do want hair. People with energy and an immunity to hangovers.

You know: people who don't need to spend two days in bed, just because they did something the day before. People without responsibility to anything other than their own, shallow, lives. The sort who are significantly more employable than the rest of us because they've yet to realise that nothing they ever do actually matters. People whose days seem inexplicably longer than everyone else's, whose lives are an endless stream of perfect Instagram moments. I don't even know how to use Instagram. 

I'm talking about people with loads of time on their hands, even if I did rather lose my way a bit there.

This is what the Switch is: a console for people whose time is limited. I mean, I've been lucky over the years. I've - mostly - always been able to find time for gaming. These past couple of months, however, I've been too busy to even think about firing up the PS4 or Xbox One. 

The only console I've touched in that time is the Switch.
DOCK OF THE BAY
See, there are two things working in the Switch's favour; the convenience of being able to just pluck it out of its dock and play it wherever you are, and the sorts of games that are available on it.

Super Mario Kart 8, Arms, Splatoon 2 - these are games you can have a quick go of to get your gaming fix. You don't need to invest in a big story, you don't need to carve out two hours of your day to complete a side mission. Pick it up, turn it on, quick blast, done. 

Yes, Zelda is something of a more enormous beast, but even that rewards those of use who are time-limited, due to the sandbox nature of its world, its pared-backed storytelling, and the fact you don't need to arrange a meeting time that's convenient for your mates, log onto a server, find a game, and play through a multi-hour raid.

If you get interrupted mid-way through a quest, you can just turn off the Switch knowing you'll be able to restart exactly where you left off.

I don't know if it's because Nintendo is run by middle-aged people, or if it's because Nintendo simply doesn't care about being cool and edgy, but everything about the Switch makes gaming easy. It's the least self-conscious games machine of all time.
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GATHERING DUST
I've not stopped buying games for my Xbox One and PS4. I've got Destiny 2, Mass Effect: Andromeda, and Uncharted: The Lost Legacy all still in their wrappers, waiting for some fantasy, might-never-happen, moment when I suddenly find myself with loads of time.

I'm realising that - perhaps - I've entered a new phase of my relationship with gaming. Much as I've always loved the epic, I might have to accept that my lifestyle, my tastes, have changed through circumstance.

The days when I could find a mutual time to meet buddies online has gone; we're all too busy, too distracted with life. I don't want to play games with strangers, and I don't want to sink hours every night into something which doesn't feel authentic. I think that's what I crave; Destiny, Mass Effect, Call of Duty, Tomb Raider, so many modern franchises feel overly curated to shift numbers, or to appear cool. They're almost embarrassed to be games.

Nintendo feels real, feels genuine, feels like it doesn't give a shit about being cool. Those days have passed, and - as I get older - I despair at anyone's attempts to mask who or what they really are. Whether you're a person or a games console, just be yourself and stop trying so bloody hard. You're not for everyone, not everyone is going to like you, just accept that and be you so that you can be embraced by those whose tastes you match. That's the Switch. Life's too short for anything else.

It's a machine that is as much a reflection of its audience as it is designed for them, and there's a reason why - in years to come - I know I'm going to be ranking it alongside my favourite games machines of all time.

It has the benefit of feeling brand new and super old all at once, and I owe big time for arriving at exactly the right point in my life. Because of the Switch I'm not about to turn my back on gaming.
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41 Comments
Sam
20/9/2017 08:52:33 am

That was emotional rollercoaster.

Maybe next payday...

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Jareth Smith
20/9/2017 09:03:40 am

I was a fan of the Wii U and the Switch builds on its potential. It's genuinely fantastic. I'd like to see every classic indie game ever on it! I'm delighted it's been a success, too. It's about time Sony's conservative policy of just ramping the specs up to 11 and leaving it at that got a reality check - graphics are not everything.

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Spiney O'Sullivan
20/9/2017 01:52:01 pm

I'm still trying to decide whether the fact you talk about how much you really, really, REALLY REAAALLLLLYYYY hate the terribly boring and unambitious Playstation and Xbox in every single post is a troll/gimmick, but dammit, I seem to fall for it every time like an idiot:

Much as a zealoty 14-year-old me would have hated to admit it, Sony did huge and risky things for expanding gaming as an audience in the 90s, bringing back in the young adults that Nintendo and Sega were losing after they got "too old" for games (I think Biffo even wrote an article about the PlayStation dragging him back in, but do correct me if I'm wrong). I would not be surprised if we'd seen another games market crash in the late 90s without them.

Even now, they still take more risks than you give them credit for, like trying to push console-based VR (admittedly probably a fool's errand - and a dizzy, vomiting fool at that), or releasing the Vita (a technically excellent but sadly underselling handheld that in some ways aimed for what everyone commends Nintendo for managing to pull of with the Switch). I'm not going to pretend they push boundaries all the time, but they have a solid backlog of crazy ideas and a good few solid 1st/2nd party IPs.

I can't speak as much for MS as I've never owned an Xbox (really more because the exclusives didn't speak to me, but I'm not going to try and convince myself that Gears and Halo just suck), but I suspect they did more than you're giving them credit for too. For example, making console-based online gaming mainstream (something that for all their talk of connecting people, Nintendo have finally just barely grasped that people want around a decade later).

There is a place for Nintendo games/systems and a place for other games. Please stop hurling around ludicrous generalisations and let people like things.

(PS I'm actually buying a Switch shortly, partly because Biffo's sales pitches about a console fitting around real life are starting to work. Hopefully the unfortunately sparse lineup will increase somewhat in time, but while I wait, at least there's Mario Kart and Bomberman. It is the ultimate multiplayer machine.)

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Trampy
20/9/2017 02:53:45 pm

He was called on it and now pretends it's a catchphrase...

Biscuits
20/9/2017 03:32:17 pm

Jareth's claims of originality are obviously informed by his massive self-imposed blindspots: You only need to look at the new Zelda to see the creativity of other devs in action. As so many have taken from them, Nintendo borrowed liberally for BotW, and that's great imo, share the wealth (of knowledge) etc. The simplified Souls combat and Bethesda/Ubisoft exploration work really well in Zelda world.

Spiney O'Sullivan
20/9/2017 04:33:50 pm

I really have to stop taking those overgeneralisations seriously...

Crackerwax link
21/9/2017 12:13:04 am

Spot on.

As an aging gamer, I find myself less and less impressed by talk of resolution. Frame rates where I need the benefit.

If I don't want to end up feeling billious, I need 60fps. What I don't need is ultra high res textures at 4K.

The big two have got it wrong this cycle. No one gives two hoots about 4K, I defy anyone to be able to notice the difference at arm chair distance...

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Doc strange
24/9/2017 09:26:36 am

Bang on

Darren link
20/9/2017 09:28:01 am

I prefer the term "Classic Gamer" in relation to our age group.

I agree with this wholeheartedly. Currently, Mario vs Rabbids is driving me nuts in a good way. But I can put it down mid-way to do the cooking or discover why the kids are screaming at each other upstairs. Meanwhile, every time I switch on my Xbox One, there's an update that takes 20 minutes to implement.

Also, the games are more friendly to my life. My kids are under 18, my son has autism and is impressionable, so I don't really want to be shooting someone in the face for fun anymore. Instead, I'm back in a more innocent, "classic" time with games that start instantly without incessant patches to make them work or having to wait for an online game to come on (oh, except for Splatoon 2, of course).

But yeah, the Switch is certainly scratching that itch. And now that Nintendo has implemented a strategy I suggest when I first got the thing of releasing AAA titles consistently, they've made it an essential gaming purchase. What they are doing is certainly more interesting that DESTINY FUCKING 2 or CALL OF FUCKING DUTY 11 or FIFA FUCKING 2025. You get it, right?

My only gripe will ever be about the controllers on the Switch. My right hand still gets a bit crampy, but that mainly down to my incessant onanism...

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Psy-Q
20/9/2017 10:04:28 am

The Pro Controller is approved by the Northumberland Onanists' Society, I'm pretty sure.

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Brevity Jans
20/9/2017 04:10:12 pm

When it comes to those consoles, you should look past FIFA and CoD and Destiny (as I'm sure you managed to ignore them on WiiU), as those kind of games don't interest you, and look to ones that might: there's loads of them

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Nick
20/9/2017 09:57:44 am

Ooohh, I really want one. I rarely have time to properly game any more and the PS4 has been used as a Netflix and YouTube box for much of the last six months. But, a house purchase (hooray) coupled with every thing else in the world going bloody wrong (boo) has rather strangled the finances at the moment.

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Neptunium
20/9/2017 10:04:15 am

The nice thing about Switch online (for now) is that it's mostly populated by randoms, there is no ability to voice chat when playing with randoms so no need to listen to some youth shouting obscenities down the mic, and they're all quite busy. It's quite easy to dip in and out of the online games that are there and have some fun, even when your playtime is restricted to just those hours between kids going to bed and going to bed yourself.

My worry is.. Can Nintendo maintain the momentum of one fantastic game a month, and if they do can I keep up with them? I've already had to shirk Arms and Mario/Rabbids, I've barely scratched the surface with Splatoon, gained a backlog of downloaded games, and Mario Odyssey seems like it's going to eat up most of November & December, I'm worried I won't get enough time over the festive period to play the Zelda DLC.... :'(

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DEAN
20/9/2017 10:20:38 am

I love the potential of the Switch but sold ours due to HUGE frustration with the Zelda game (fuck Ganon - how is that shit even fun???) and everything seeming to be too far away for it. I knew I'd buy another as soon as there was a compelling reason to.

I've preordered a Mario Odyssey edition one and I'm really looking forward to getting it.

THAT SAID:

After Breath of the Wild, I'm slightly concerned about Mario - what if I hate that too? Then it's all fucked!!
To be honest, I was never a fan of Mario Galaxy and I think my Nintendo tastes are planted firmly in the 2D camp - I prefer the side-scrolling Mario games and looking-down-on Zeldas but... I'll take what I can get!

________________________________________________________

Growing old is weird, isn't it?
Because essentially you're still you, it's just that you don't get away stuff so much anymore. All that good advice that bored you to tears starts ringing true and... your impervious skin of immortality starts to shed.
I'm 41 (I think... might be 42.... yay, just worked it out and I AM 41!) and I have never had more responsibility in my life and when I do have time for games (which I do) I rarely play them because most don't hit the spot.

The game I played like a man-possessed recently was Magikarp Jump! And that's not even a game as I understand the definition. It's like a self-assessment form with pretty colours and cartoon faces... now there's an idea....

But games are getting weirder, I think. I mean, there really seems to be a demand for Farm Simulators and then there's Digi's own legend, Mr PSB, who streams his sweary train simulators (I saw one a while back and it's true, they are bizarrely compelling)... but what happened to honest-to-goodness gaming endeavour like returning the comb to the mermaid for the phial of tears to present to the salmon king? you know, a gaming world where everything made some semblance of fucking sense!

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Roy (Stuart N Hardy fan)
20/9/2017 10:26:53 am

I was becoming very jaded with regards gaming. A touch of the 'been there, done that, seen its' for me as a veteran from the 70's.
The Switch has changed all that.
I found myself having to use *spit* public transport a while ago so decided to take it with me on the train. I didn't even mind having the bloke next to me constantly looking over my shoulder. Well apart from his obvious lack of personal hygiene.
If it wasn't for the fact that my son is only interested in playing Fifa then the PS4 might as well be used as a door stop.

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DEAN
20/9/2017 10:41:46 am

My son recently discovered Roblox. He now spends hours locked in his bedroom shouting the following:

"He's a HACKER!!!"

"Jay,! JAY!! - I'M GLITCHING!!!"

And perhaps most disturbingly of all -

"Can I kill you? Just stay there and let me kill you..."

"HE'S A HACKER!!!"

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PeskyFletch
22/9/2017 07:38:31 pm

Fucking Roblox

MrPSB
20/9/2017 10:43:29 am

I love the Switch for all the reasons above.

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Paul
20/9/2017 10:56:32 am

This is something that’s moved form the “maybe” list to the “definite” list. I’ve just got to find the cash. Right now, a new pair of shoes seems more important. How middle aged is that admission?

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Nikki
20/9/2017 11:05:33 am

3DS is good for this reason too. Easy to just snap it shut and return at anytime, especially during longer battles in Chrono Trigger.

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Psy-Q
20/9/2017 12:13:32 pm

I'm old, useless and jaded and I agree. I've ignored my 3DS for upwards of a year but now I'm buying all sorts of cheaper but fantastic titles from the Nintendo Selects series for example. I'm enjoying myself more than I have any right to.

Plus: The things can be bought used already. If you're lucky you get one without crusts of onion ring batter on the controls, so you have a cheap and excellent handheld.

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Purplephlebas
20/9/2017 12:31:12 pm

But is it better than the Atari Lynx? 🤔

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John
20/9/2017 05:30:32 pm

Does the Switch user manual make reference to 'south paws'? If no, then the Lynx wins.

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Geebs
20/9/2017 02:23:50 pm

I love my Switch, but the games are a bit steep for somebody used to PC games - turns out that £49.99 is over my impulse buy threshold, while £39.99 isn’t.

Currently agonising over buying Rayman Legends because I feel guilty about wasting fifteen quid on Sonic Mania, which despite the overall positive reception is sluggish and finicky just like the real of the Sonic games because Sonic Was Always Rubbish.

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Biscuits
20/9/2017 04:01:54 pm

Rayman Legends is great, but I can't imagine the game that will not seem interminably slow to you if you consider Sonic slugggish...F-Zero?

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Spiney O'Sullivan
20/9/2017 04:44:01 pm

I tried Rayman Legends a while back, and to me it feels utterly ininspiring, or more accurately a bit frustratingly unexciting. Visually it's sort of almost there on the "living cartoon" thing that Cuphead promises to deliver on, but not quite, while the gameplay feels a bit like every supermarket value brand platformer you've played.

People seem to like it, but it just didn't click with me. I felt that it was, like the Rayman character himself, basically alright really.

(PS This "Sonic was always bad" thing bothers me. It's like a meme started by clickbait writers that has become a strange piece of received wisdom)

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Geebs
20/9/2017 07:40:18 pm

I claim immunity on the basis that my problems with Sonic Mania (going fast is no fun with the very limited view distance, the inertia system makes everything feel terrible when you go slowly, the water levels are completely wretched) are the exact same problems I had with Sonic 1 when I played it on the MegaDrive twenty-odd years ago.

Spiney O'Sullivan
20/9/2017 10:22:14 pm

I really like the physics in Sonic, but then, I grew up with them, and to me a lack of that kind of inertia in a platform game makes it feel a bit sterile and floaty. As for going fast all the time, that's something you can do when you either understand the levels or simply have crazy Jedi reflexes. Speed in a well-designed 2D Sonic game (not the Dimps ones...) is sort of a risk/reward balance and does rely on mastery of the levels (and I say this as someone who frankly still isn't amazing at the games even 20-odd years on...). That said, it's easier in Mania than ever before, because the widescreen draw distance gives you more of an edge.

Also the underwater stages are hellish to play, but that's kind of the point. The physics you're used to are being messed with, and everything becomes really tense as you're dealing with what I believe is a primal fear of drowning. I still hate the Labyrinth/Chemical Plant/Hydrocity Zones, but I get what they add to the games...

Jareth mk.II
20/9/2017 02:53:56 pm

I held a new shiny Switch in my hands on Saturday - I was poised to purchase. I'm ready to join the rank tide of 'Switchophancy'. I didn't though. I've never been able to control myself with money, and whenever I somehow get some I tend to get it far away from myself as soon as possible.

So why didn't I buy? A few reasons. Number one, I already borrowed my friends Switch to play through BotW, and while it was very, very good, it's not the best game I've played even this year, yet alone the epoch-defining masterpiece it's made out to be. I gave it back to him after about 40 hours. The fact he was a) willing to lend the Switch after owning it for a month and then b) wasn't arsed about getting it back were a warning sign.

I strongly dislike/disagree with the fake-racing of any post-2000 Mario Kart, Splatoon was mild fun but I've quit skinnerboxes, so that leaves Arms and the Xcom-aping shenanigans of Mario vs. Rabbids, both of which look good but are not enough to sell a console for me.

Also, this: when I'm out of the house, I'm normally socializing. I'm lucky enough to walk to work, so being out of the house is complete humanspace time all the time. I can't see the point in picking something up for 20 minutes; I won't get into the game, it will just distract me, and it will feel forced and leave me sheepishly looking at my watch the whole time worrying I have been shitting for too long. That kind of sweaty desperate addict-style gaming is best relegated to phones imo, and they provide in spades. If I'm playing for longer, give me a sofa.

Mostly though, and no apologies to Chareth, but BotW aside, the games seemingly lack the depth to inspire anything more than a quick blast. Designing your games around portability and creativity is fine, but next time let's also focus on staying power...I know they can do it, the new Fire Emblem is pretty good. How many people played that game that showed off the motion controls more than once?

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Spiney O'Sullivan
20/9/2017 07:10:45 pm

I suspect that in time the general consensus on BotW will be that it was a very good open world action game but actually not the best Zelda game by a long shot.

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Nick the Gent link
20/9/2017 04:09:01 pm

Nicely put, Brother Biffo.

I remember the GameCube era especially - it seemed the attitude was "What is Nintendo doing?" Meaning, why wasn't Nintendo doing the same kinds of things as the Xbox and PlayStation.

At the time the GC seemed like an anomaly, a console that was out of step with what gamers wanted.

Now looking back on the GameCube, on the Wii, Wii U, and now Switch, it's pretty obvious what they're doing. Nintendo just make games for people who like games.

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Johnny P-Bunz
20/9/2017 04:19:59 pm

How are you reading that into the woefully limited, shovelware-laden libraries of the Wii and especially WiiU?

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Psy-Q
20/9/2017 07:35:22 pm

Limited perhaps, but the Wii U still managed to score some excellent titles. Paper Mario: Color Splash is one of the best-written and prettiest entries in the series, Bayonetta 2 was a nice surprise and it's the console with the grown-up version of Hyrule Warriors as well as the one that brought us the Mario Kart we know today. Also it's reportedly the best way to play Rayman Legends because of the sections with touch controls.

Mario 3D World was perhaps using a concept that is better explored with Mario 3D Land on the 3DS, but it still gave us the first Mario that is playable in multiplayer without being complete rubbish.

Quantity, no. But the quality and polish are there in places. Whether that justifies buying the thing, I don't know.

Can't say that about tthe Wii though. Surely a full two dozen charming and sometimes innovative titles on there, including one of the most refined 3D platformers in history, Super Mario Galaxy 2.

I could list titles that one absolutely has to try on Wii and Wii U if you'd appreciate that.

Johnny P-Bunz
20/9/2017 04:22:41 pm

All this slavish fawning over Nintendo being 'for gamers' reads like a group of susceptible fellows falling for exactly the kind of corporate bluster they ostensibly proudly eschew...

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Nick
20/9/2017 06:31:56 pm

Sega fanboy ;)

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Picston Shottle
20/9/2017 06:20:18 pm

I just got a Switch on Monday for my birthday (thanks for all the birthday wishes you guys!) and I love it.

I’m 42, I have a two year old daughter, and a job that I spend far too much time at (and that requires me to sit around in hotels, airports and on aeroplanes for far longer, and far more often, than I would like) so the Switch, for me, is perfect. It’s never gonna be plugged into the telly because that’s used for Peppa Pig and Elmo almost exclusively, but that’s fine, because being able to just pick up and play without having too boot up the Xbone, and then switch channels in the amp, and make sure the controller is charged, and wait for updates, etc is exactly what I need. I’ve manage 4 hours of Zelda since Monday, which is about 4 hours more gaming time than I have had in the past 4 months. I’m gonna be traveling for most of October, too, so having Zelda to get me through 15 hour flights and sleepless, jetlagged nights is gonna be a awesome.

Nintendo has messed up - they need to retool their marketing asap to appeal to us oldies.

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Comedor de Cus
20/9/2017 09:25:40 pm

Playstation is for gays, Xbox are for fats and Nintendo are for kids.

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A fat gay kid
20/9/2017 10:26:11 pm

But which one do I choose if I can only afford one?

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colincidence link
21/9/2017 04:00:45 am

I'm a Young Adult but my nozin' about is compromised by chronic illness.
I don't yet have a Switch but it's been the first contemporary home console to tempt since the Wii.

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colincidence link
21/9/2017 04:01:50 am

like, in the same way, you see!! Please consider the disabled as brethren to the ancient

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Pasta
21/9/2017 07:08:18 pm

Biffo, what about the (3)DS?

You can pick it up and play it wherever you are. Many of the games don't require long, uninterrupted blocks of time; those that do can usually be put into sleep mode.

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