"Well hello there, my fair-faced duke. Welcome to the Enchanted Banqueting Hall.
"One presumes you're here for the same thing I am: to commemorate the release of Rise of the Tomb Raider, the latest instalment in the rampant adventures of that dusty, lusty siren Ms Lara Croft.
"To this end, I have put together a gallery of the most provocative Tomb Raider cosplayers I could find. You might wish to give it the once-over. Suffice to say, compiling this article certainly made this would-be Tomb Raider rise a little..."
"One presumes you're here for the same thing I am: to commemorate the release of Rise of the Tomb Raider, the latest instalment in the rampant adventures of that dusty, lusty siren Ms Lara Croft.
"To this end, I have put together a gallery of the most provocative Tomb Raider cosplayers I could find. You might wish to give it the once-over. Suffice to say, compiling this article certainly made this would-be Tomb Raider rise a little..."
9. DARIUS
"Well, there are hotpants, and there are hot pants. I look at the above, and all I can think of are a pair of powerful pistols blasting away in unison, until both are exhausted. If this fellow fancies having a rummage through my musty treasures, I'd gladly crack open my tomb for him. I can guarantee he'll find at least one well-preserved bronze coin..."
8. PHILLIPE
"Mm-hmm! He just makes me want to twang my bow, just like Lara Croft herself. Should this tight-vested stallion require somewhere to store an arrow, he can always sheathe it in my leathery 'quiver'. We'd have all manner of fun going the full Robin Hood. And speaking of robins, the lad's chest would unquestionably be flushed red after I'd finished with his hood..."
7. BROCK
"This alluring swain appears to have lost the tips of his gloves. Let's hope his hands don't get too nippy... But should the North Wind begin to bite, he can rest assured that I've got two fistfuls of fingers he can make full use of. And let's hope he's packed enough ammunition into his pouches..."
6. EDDIE C.
"I think this husky buck needs to stop posing, and get adventuring. I've a vault full of secrets that he needs to bust open - and at its heart is a bejewelled, one-eyed idol, that he's going to want to smuggle away in his adventure sack. Quickly now... before some other chap grabs it."
5. EDDIE K.
"That low-cut top is making me go somewhat funny. It's leaving nothing to the imagination. And as for that convoluted harness system around his waist... it looks as if it would need at least two people to unbuckle. Just as well he's bandaged his fists in preparation for what's ahead of him..."
4. TRAVIS
"Standing there all clean, legs akimbo like that, with his hands grasping his pieces, it's difficult to imagine the sort of state our well-travelled hero is about to get into. By the time he's finished his adventure with me, those shorts are going to be browner than ever..."
3. BILL
"It looks as if Prince William has been spending some considerable time in the gym. The Royal Beau has something in common with Lara Croft though: they both speak as if they've got a plum in their mouths. If I had my way, this tumescent Willy would have two. Talk about a silver 'spoon'..."
2. J.F.
"Lara Croft might spend her time trotting the globe, but the globes on show here are almost enough to give me the trots. By which I mean... I'm encouraged to self-adminster an enema, so that I'm cleared-out, and ready for whatever action might arise."
1. MARCEL
"Two fists raised, and he's smiling from ear-to-ear. If that's not an invitation to action I don't know what is. I can't wait to go down in an ancient crypt with him. Why, I can already picture him wiping the silvery cobwebs out of his eyes..."
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