And it's not one of these rural cul-de-sacs, in the middle of nowhere, with a horse wandering around, but a cul-de-sac in a busy London borough.
And not even one of the quiet bits of the borough, but one that's off a pretty happening main road; if I went outside, I'd probably be hit by a bus, and hear people complaining about the traffic and being stabbed.
Consequently, you'd think I'd have no issue whatsoever with my Internet connection, but you'd be horribly wrong in that assumption. My Internet is terrible. And because my Internet is terrible, I'm finding it a wretched chore getting online to play games. Or download games. Or upload videos to our YouTube channel (I've been trying to get a new video up for a week now). AND IT IS TOTES RUINING MY LIFE!!!!!!!
I'd been spoiled: I had Virgin's super-fast broadband where I lived previously for a couple of years - in a small road, not even in London - and never had a single problem with it.
However, Virgin in their wisdom have decided that a cul-de-sac with 19 homes isn't worth the bother of installing a fibre optic cable. Result: we are The Forgotten People, and as a consequence my options for getting online are limited.
Upon moving in, I initially went with Sky Broadband, but became so exasperated with it that I switched earlier this year to BT Infinity. According to the comparison sites, it was alleged to be my fastest option. The comparison sites are evidently staffed by major idiots, because the Internet has been even worse since switching.
I'm constantly having to turn off the router - which means reinstalling our Hive box every single time to boot - to give the Internet the kick up the chutney it needs. What really baffles me is that one device will be fine, while the others will grind to a halt. Turning it off and on again is the only thing which seems to get all the various devices running at the same speed. For a while.
I should've learned my lesson from the previous, horrible, time I used BT, but it was six years ago or so, and I figured that surely the technology must surely have advanced in the years since. Not down this road, apparently. Down this road we're stuck in 1997.
I can't be alone in this can I? Am I the last person in Britain still struggling to get online to play games?
The tipping point of this rage came over the weekend. Against the odds, I actually sort of begrudgingly quite like Star Wars Battlefront.
There's woefully little content there for the price, but it's one of the few online shooters I'm actually not terrible at.
Presumably because it's populated with more casual players than you get with your CoDs. That's primarily why I like it; I don't feel out of my depth.
But Friday, Saturday and Sunday I found the experience such a chore, due to my poor Internet connection - and for swathes of that time there was nobody else using the Internet in the house - that I returned to seething about EA's decision not to include any kind of single player campaign.
Admittedly, for some of that time the PlayStation Network was down for maintenance, so it wasn't entirely the fault of BT Un-finity... but that sort of makes it worse.
If Battlefront had any sort of decent single-player mode - rather than the woeful, lazy, bot-fuelled rubbish that is in there - I could've dipped into that to get my fix. Instead, I simply couldn't play it. I was a slave to the whims of the PSN and BT Infinity.
I appreciate that this is the very definition of a First World Problem, but I'm raging about it nevertheless.
Maybe I'm in a minority with my Internet grief, but I refuse to believe I'm a minority of one. I can't be the only person still struggling with online play due to the limitations of our broadband infrastructure. Can I?
And it cuts to the heart of why I don't like games which shovel us into an online-only pit: when we play - and I'm talking here particularly about those of us with iffy connections - is almost entirely out of our hands. Which is all the more frustrating when you consider that Star Wars Battlefront has been positioned as a game which is for everyone, not just hardcore gamers.
Well... everyone who has £120 to spend on the base game, plus all the additional downloadable content which they've held back. A robust single player campaign would've solved the issue for me, but I guess that would've eaten into the profits that the game seems so determined to squeeze out of its customers.