I'm a monster. You see, I've been lying to you, and to myself.
Something you need to know about Digitiser2000 is that I try hard to be a realist on here, isolated from hype or prevailing trends. I try to say it as I see it - from a dispassionate, unemotional place - and if I sometimes don't pull any punches, such as when - say - the Nintendo Switch launches with just one Triple-A game, then that's just me giving you what I think Digi exists for.
I mean, it's sort of the USP of Digi, and always was. "We hate everyone equally" was the Digitiser mantra, and part of that is because it's easier to be funny when you're laying into something. Plus, people enjoy it. It's the car crash mentality, which makes things such as this go viral.
But the truth is... I don't hate everything equally, and never have. I really have been lying to you and to myself all these years. In fact, Nintendo... Nintendo I don't hate at all. Like, even a teeny, tiny, bit.
Oh, I might get frustrated with them, in the same way you can with anybody you love, but Nintendo is mine. Like so many other gamers of my generation, I've got an almost absurd affection for the company, its games, and its technology. I has a place in my heart where Sony, Microsoft, Sega, and all the rest don't even get a look in.
Much as I've tried to stay true to the Digitiser ethos with the Switch, and its undoubtedly rubbish launch line-up, the real me has - increasingly - gained strength. Consequently, I'm now so excited about the Switch that the other night I even had a dream about unboxing one (although, I'd forgotten to buy any games - read into that what thou will...).
Something you need to know about Digitiser2000 is that I try hard to be a realist on here, isolated from hype or prevailing trends. I try to say it as I see it - from a dispassionate, unemotional place - and if I sometimes don't pull any punches, such as when - say - the Nintendo Switch launches with just one Triple-A game, then that's just me giving you what I think Digi exists for.
I mean, it's sort of the USP of Digi, and always was. "We hate everyone equally" was the Digitiser mantra, and part of that is because it's easier to be funny when you're laying into something. Plus, people enjoy it. It's the car crash mentality, which makes things such as this go viral.
But the truth is... I don't hate everything equally, and never have. I really have been lying to you and to myself all these years. In fact, Nintendo... Nintendo I don't hate at all. Like, even a teeny, tiny, bit.
Oh, I might get frustrated with them, in the same way you can with anybody you love, but Nintendo is mine. Like so many other gamers of my generation, I've got an almost absurd affection for the company, its games, and its technology. I has a place in my heart where Sony, Microsoft, Sega, and all the rest don't even get a look in.
Much as I've tried to stay true to the Digitiser ethos with the Switch, and its undoubtedly rubbish launch line-up, the real me has - increasingly - gained strength. Consequently, I'm now so excited about the Switch that the other night I even had a dream about unboxing one (although, I'd forgotten to buy any games - read into that what thou will...).
FANBOY GENE
It's kind of frustrating that, despite my best conscious efforts to the contrary, I still have that fanboy instinct in me. For all my grumbles, the double-whammy of new Nintendo hardware and a new Zelda game has me all lathered up and lewd.
Alright... it's not blind loyalty; I didn't get a Wii U when it came out. I waited a month or two, and then I caved. My disappointment with that system has managed to keep my enthusiasm in check this time around, but as Friday's launch has creeped closer, I've found my resistance faltering.
I've begun doing that thing where I sort of fantasise about playing on it - and the fact that the Switch does new things has only fuelled that. I want to play Zelda in bed... I want to play multiplayer Bomberman with the little Joycon controllers... I want to smugly remove the Switch from its base station, and carry on playing when other people ask to use the TV.
Maybe the negativity - though I prefer to call it realism - I've been displaying until this point has been down to trying to protect myself from disappointment. I mean, we all do it. If we're too optimistic - whether it's about, I dunno, Christmas, or a relationship, or a holiday, it makes us vulnerable.
I got burned by the Wii U, and that mattered to me because it was my beloved Nintendo doing the burning. Consequently, until the last couple of days, my defences have been raised.
It's kind of frustrating that, despite my best conscious efforts to the contrary, I still have that fanboy instinct in me. For all my grumbles, the double-whammy of new Nintendo hardware and a new Zelda game has me all lathered up and lewd.
Alright... it's not blind loyalty; I didn't get a Wii U when it came out. I waited a month or two, and then I caved. My disappointment with that system has managed to keep my enthusiasm in check this time around, but as Friday's launch has creeped closer, I've found my resistance faltering.
I've begun doing that thing where I sort of fantasise about playing on it - and the fact that the Switch does new things has only fuelled that. I want to play Zelda in bed... I want to play multiplayer Bomberman with the little Joycon controllers... I want to smugly remove the Switch from its base station, and carry on playing when other people ask to use the TV.
Maybe the negativity - though I prefer to call it realism - I've been displaying until this point has been down to trying to protect myself from disappointment. I mean, we all do it. If we're too optimistic - whether it's about, I dunno, Christmas, or a relationship, or a holiday, it makes us vulnerable.
I got burned by the Wii U, and that mattered to me because it was my beloved Nintendo doing the burning. Consequently, until the last couple of days, my defences have been raised.
REIGN DOWN
It has become so clear to me that I'm not alone in feeling like this - there are so many other Nintendo fanboys and girls out there, who have tried to reign in their excitement because of the Wii U, because of that tepid launch line-up, and they've failed.
Some things that we love are just like that I guess, and it makes me wonder just what Nintendo would have to do in order to destroy my loyalty.
When I think of Star Wars, not even the prequels could stop me loving the potential of Star Wars as an idea. Nintendo is the gaming equivalent of that for me; because Nintendo showed me just what games can be, I will always live in hope that they'll manage it again.
Indeed, so blind is this optimism at its core that I really have to work hard to peer through it. Whereas I think I've become pretty good at predicting the ebb and flow of the games industry, when it comes to Nintendo it's more of a challenge.
It's not just that my optimism paints everything with rose-tinted spectacles, but that I'm forced to question whether what I believe is what I really believe, or actually what the Nintendo Fanboy who lives inside me believes.
See, because at the moment I think the Switch is going to be a hit. I think that even with the crappy day one launch line-up, Zelda, the hardware... they're so different to anything on the Xbox One and PlayStation 4, that it sets the Switch apart. It makes it a genuine alternative to the endless parade of first-person shooters, and Ubisoft-style map-moppers, and overwrought sub-Dungeons & Dragons RPGs.
But I say that with this caveat: right now I don't know if that's what I believe, or whether it's what I want to believe. Sat here, just a few days before I finally get my hands a Switch, my critical judgement has gone right out the window.
It has become so clear to me that I'm not alone in feeling like this - there are so many other Nintendo fanboys and girls out there, who have tried to reign in their excitement because of the Wii U, because of that tepid launch line-up, and they've failed.
Some things that we love are just like that I guess, and it makes me wonder just what Nintendo would have to do in order to destroy my loyalty.
When I think of Star Wars, not even the prequels could stop me loving the potential of Star Wars as an idea. Nintendo is the gaming equivalent of that for me; because Nintendo showed me just what games can be, I will always live in hope that they'll manage it again.
Indeed, so blind is this optimism at its core that I really have to work hard to peer through it. Whereas I think I've become pretty good at predicting the ebb and flow of the games industry, when it comes to Nintendo it's more of a challenge.
It's not just that my optimism paints everything with rose-tinted spectacles, but that I'm forced to question whether what I believe is what I really believe, or actually what the Nintendo Fanboy who lives inside me believes.
See, because at the moment I think the Switch is going to be a hit. I think that even with the crappy day one launch line-up, Zelda, the hardware... they're so different to anything on the Xbox One and PlayStation 4, that it sets the Switch apart. It makes it a genuine alternative to the endless parade of first-person shooters, and Ubisoft-style map-moppers, and overwrought sub-Dungeons & Dragons RPGs.
But I say that with this caveat: right now I don't know if that's what I believe, or whether it's what I want to believe. Sat here, just a few days before I finally get my hands a Switch, my critical judgement has gone right out the window.
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