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THE MOST RACIST DUKES OF HAZZARD TOYS EVER

23/1/2017

30 Comments

 
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Poor old The Dukes of Hazzard. When I was a kid, I thought it was simply a TV show about two good ol' boys who were meaning no harm. We now live in more enlightened times, and it has become apparent retrospectively that it was actually depicting the everyday adventures of some good 'ol racists. Their choice of vehicle, a 1969 Dodge Charger, boasted an iconic horn sound which may as well have been a dog whistle.

My generation didn't know what the flag on the top of the car represented, or that it was named after Robert E. Lee - the Confederate General who led his troops into battle for the right to continue using slave labour.

Though to the best of my knowledge there were never any explicit references to the Dukes being bad racists, or dialogue supporting the secession of the Southern States and a return to treating black people as property, modern wisdom has all but consigned the show to history. Suffice to say, many who grew up with the show are outraged at what they view as an act of politically-correct censorship.

The defence of the symbolism in The Dukes of Hazzard runs along the same sort of lines as when your mum or nan get on their high horse about the Robinson's jam gollywog; "We grew up with it, and we never realised that a grotesquely caricatured depiction of a black man was actually meant to be a black man"/"We never realised that the Confederate flag which they used during the American Civil War - a war fought about slavery - actually had anything to do with slavery." 

Looking back now, it's all a bit embarrassing, frankly, and here are ten items of Dukes of Hazzard merchandise which hindsight casts in a ghastly light.
DRESSING UP SET
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The modern equivalent of this set is a red baseball cap, imprinted with the words "Make America Great Again". Also, look at that picture of the Dukes. It appears that Luke Duke has a Post-It Note stuck to his forehead. Perhaps he's playing that party game, where he has to guess who or what he is.

Let us answer that now, Luke: you're a racist.
CALCULATOR
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White people/fans of The Dukes of Hazzard can use this calculator to do their taxes (unless they're the President of the United States of America; it sadly doesn't feature a tax exemption loophole button).

Alternatively, you could use it to work out the number of people that died during the American Civil War over the patriotic right to keep certain hues of human beings as slaves.
BOP BAG
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The Dukes of Hazzard Bop Bag lets you punch a Boss Hogg, a wealthy plantation owning-racist, in the face. It's the perfect gift for any balaclava-wearing liberal!
STEERING WHEEL
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"Brrmm brmmm! Look at me, pa - I'm just like you: a racist!"
PEDAL CAR
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The Confederate flag doesn't actually appear anywhere on the General Lee pedal car. Fortunately, it features quite prominently on the box, with a picture of the Dukes slap-bang in the middle of it - making it quite clear that, yes, these three people like to celebrate their racist heritage!
DAISY POWER CYCLE
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This Daisy Duke "Power Cycle" includes an "official DAISY picture". Yes - and look where it is: one of the biggest features of this vehicle is that you can literally sit on Daisy Duke's face. Or, at least, press your coccyx against her face.

"When you're a star you can do anything... press your coccyx against their face..."

Also, it has an adjustable seat which "grows with the child". 
TOY DOG
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This "soft and safe" hound was "Sherrif Rosco's best friend". Apparently, it is "fun for all ages" - though presumably, like many things, most fun during the age of slavery.
FUN TUNNEL
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This easily stored fun tunnel is everything a fan of The Dukes of Hazzard could want. They can scrabble back and forth through it, shouting "The South will rise again!" and "Build that wall!" over and over and over. It's literally the most fun you can have with your clothes (Klu Klux Klan robes) on!

Furthermore, one can imagine that this is a toy which new US President Donald Trump would get a lot of use out of;  "You can do anything... grab 'em by the fun tunnel..."
SUNGLASSES
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These gorgeous sunglasses do have the unfortunate side effect of making everyone around you slightly darker-skinned. Still, it looks as if those tinted plastic lenses will pop out pretty easily. Probably made in "Chiy-nah".
GLOVES
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These gloves are not only made from attractive brown faux leather (what - they didn't come in white?_, but will ensure you don't leave any telltale fingerprints behind when you're next setting fire to a crucifix.
FROM THE ARCHIVE:
​11 ITEMS OF TERRIBLE STAR TREK MERCHANDISE
​
10 RUBBISH ROBOTS FROM THE EIGHTIES
THE 10 MOST STUPID MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE
30 Comments
Plippyploppycheesenose
23/1/2017 10:56:42 am

I am disappointed that there is no reference to Enos. He seems like an obvious butt to any joke.

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Jesse
14/3/2021 02:17:55 am

Whoever wrote these comments about these vintage dukes toys being racist are dumber then a bucket full of hair.

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David W
23/1/2017 11:35:19 am

Is sitting on a racist's face good or bad these days?

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Gamer Windmill
23/1/2017 12:34:52 pm

Depends on whether they like it or not.

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Beyoncish
23/1/2017 02:00:10 pm

If they like it then you shouldn't put a ring on it.

Lofty from EastEnders
23/1/2017 12:18:11 pm

I'm a little bit disappointed with the merchandising of EastEnders during my time on the show. I don't think I got so much as a sniff of the EastEnders Fun Tunnel, though I'd still quite like to if that's okay with everyone else.

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Nick
23/1/2017 01:23:45 pm

I'm surprised at you. Using Dirty Den's pet name for Michelle. For shame.

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David W
23/1/2017 01:52:45 pm

EastEnders did have an 8-bit computer game. It was more misguided than rebranding fun tunnels as "Dirty Dens."

Lofty from EastEnders
23/1/2017 03:03:18 pm

I'd say "Yes... that was the joke". But for me, this is no joke: I never got a sniff of the Fun Tunnel, let alone the Bop Bag.

Dirty Den from Eastenders
23/1/2017 01:36:52 pm

I brought out a Dirty Den Carpet Sweeper. A real money spinner it were. Although I died after a bit so now my evil money-grabbing kids get all the takings...

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DEAN
23/1/2017 05:32:27 pm

Leslie!

Big question I've been dying to ask you - do you find it hard to hail a cab?

DEAN
24/1/2017 10:17:18 am

Lascivious Leslie:

Sorry if you felt my first question was below the belt.
Hope you don't find this next one in such bad taste:

There's video evidence of you attempting to reproduce asexually / enjoying recycling. All in vain or any positive side effects to your complexion?
Any advice to other budding ouroboroi out there?

Dirty Den from Eastenders
24/1/2017 01:33:39 pm

Hey no problem DEAN! I like a bit of good natured piss taking. Even though I am dead.

In answer to your first question: I usually sling a dog shit at their windscreen.

As for the video, it was an self-directed amateur production that I one day hoped to incorporate into an episode of Eastenders. If you look carefully you can see my old friend Don Henderson in the shadows, egging me on, as usual.

Alastair
23/1/2017 01:34:45 pm

I'd be more concerned about this fun tunnel where Daisy escape off with her two cousins.

It would almost be preferable to imagine they're in there being racist to anything else more incestuous.

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King of Duckhenrys
23/1/2017 02:24:37 pm

Bang Bang!

My favourite kind of high-horse "it isn't/wasn't racist", is the preemptive kind. The warning shot before anyone can comment on the appalling thing they just did/said. Because, while they know full well what just happened was wrong, they'll be *quack*ed if they'll be made to feel bad about it.

The moment that springs to mind is from last year when someone thought it would be a good idea to give a vintage "Sambo" book to an 8 year old. Before a single word could be said on the subject, there was a 5 minute diatribe on "how it *used* to be acceptable and how it's political correctness gone mad".

It was like like they sicked up a Daily Mail then started rolling around in it.

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Mr. T.
23/1/2017 03:41:02 pm

I'm proud to be in the A-Team; we ain't got no racial stereotypists like those other foo's!

Just don't go messin' with my bins.

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Meatballs-me-branch-me-do
23/1/2017 06:33:56 pm

Don't forget that Sheriff Little from neighbouring Chickasaw County (drove the green and white police car and often wore a helmet) was black and was a more competent driver and lawman than Roscoe, Enos and Cletus combined.

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Tony
24/8/2017 06:12:09 pm

I know this will fall on deaf ears, but grow up. Dukes of Hazzard wasn't racist. General Robert E. Lee was no more racist than any Northerner (including Lincoln) at the time. Learn your history. It's sad that slavery was the final straw that kicked off the Civil War because the war was about politics and states rights. Before you make false claims pick up a book and read about Robert E. Lee. Don't just go off of the Internet. Ignorance is a dangerous thing.

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Martin
30/9/2017 07:34:38 pm

Amen to that! Just learn your history.

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Duke Boy
16/1/2018 05:36:28 am

Look here publisher libtard mother fucking... fuck I can't even not laugh at that, I'm thinking of it all in a southern accent but any ways, we didn't have a civil war for slaves we had it because the north was taking our right to vote on decision like having slaves, but even after the war almost all of the slaves went to work for their old masters but besides that, you reference it as the "Confederate" flag was It? But any ways the design on the toys or car was never an actual design as the flag of the confederacy, there was multiple designs before falling and suffering like the misserable scum they where, but while they where scum they had the right and duty to leave the union and fight the good fight because they truly belived that there was wrong doing and there was they were denied their right to vote on the matters, but trains and money was the main reason for it, get learned bitch

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Loganator
13/2/2018 06:25:45 pm

I am truly deeply annoyed by this guys post it really pisses me off how stupid people really are.

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ebbasebba
11/7/2018 09:07:45 pm

I bet Daisy had one helluva "Fun Tunnel".

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Stephen
14/7/2018 06:11:38 am

There is nothing racist about "The Dukes" or anything in it.

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Wilverine link
12/9/2018 03:23:55 pm

I disagree

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Wilverine link
12/9/2018 03:22:46 pm

Check this out

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Kenneh Gibson
13/1/2019 04:38:53 pm

This seams to be a terrible article written in sarcasm, but thinly veiled ignorance on the situation at hand via attacking a show from 1979-1985 with 4 Movies, 3 straight to TV and one in major theaters world wide.

As i read the articles on the toys i cant seem to get rid of the terrible jokes from someone who cant comprehend the fact he/she is on a neutral medium, but as i then read into the comments i see where stupidity also reigns, with people illicitly using Jokes, and the meaningless word "Racist" without the possibility of them actually seeing the show they are calling that. "The Dukes Of Hazzard" never was a Racist television show, Unlike the A-teams stereotyping of Mr.T's character and the black community, and the racial slurs used on the Jefferson's, or even the Nazi Symbols on hogans heroes never being brought to the forefront, Racism in this specific show is quite literally non-existent, and people who point to the battle flag are nothing more then the lowest from Of ignorance.

On with the article and out of the comments, No in my short summary this show is not, Never was and never will be racist.

Also for those commenting on the "Incest" thing, no, just no, stop, don't be fucking stupid, they're clearly not that, never will be.

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Kenneh Gibson
13/1/2019 04:42:41 pm

I return for another comment, I find the sarcasm used in the article to be terrible, but all these items are clearly written about via "Joke" articles, via the websites reputation to be on the level to that of the "Onion".

that ends my rant, Good day/night, to all races and creeds all sexualities. learn, dont be a fool kid listening to a faux article and believe it at face value, cause if you do you end up believing in the wrong thing.

also, i am not a republican, never will be, i dislike trump, and everything he stands for, BUT the dukes of hazzard doesn't either.



IN SHORT DO YOUR OWN DAMN RESEARCH!

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Mosher J.
17/7/2020 08:43:57 pm

The flag on top of the General Lee in the TV series is NOT the Confederate flag. It's the battle flag of North Virginia.
People need to put their false outrage in the right place instead of just hating what they've been told to hate.

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Jay
25/5/2021 02:05:06 pm

What kind of cowardly little snowflake soy boy wrote this crap? What a joke.

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J T Abernathy
7/2/2022 12:26:49 pm

Which political party supported slavery , the klan and even more recently, school segregation? You probably should go grab your security blanket, a zippy cup of warm milk, read some history books and study up on urban politics of the last 200 years.

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