THE MAN'S DADDY'S VICTORY JOKES

"Hello. I'm a popular comedian called The Man's Daddy. I recently won the Digitiser Characters World Cup, which is the greatest honour of my life. In fact, only one other day comes close to this moment, and that was the day I thought I saw a peg near a bulb!

"I would like to thank everyone who voted for me. I've been celebrating my victory by panting at crabs, and writing some more of my popular comedy jokes. I dunno, but I think these are some really good jokes. I hope you like them. I dunno why, but for some reason I just really hope you like them.

"Anyway, it's time for me to go now. Thanks for voting for me. Thanks even if you didn't vote for me. Here are the jokes I mentioned. Hope you like them. Thanks again, yeah? Well, anyway, bye then. I've got to go now. Yeah, bye. Bye then. Thanks for doing the voting thing. I'll see you soon, probably. Bye, yeah? Yeah, bye. Bye then. Hope you like the jokes. Bye then. Bye. Thanks for voting, and not voting. Anyway, bye now. Gotta go. Bye."

QUESTION: How does Jay-Z contact the dead?
ANSWER: He asks his wife, Seancé.

QUESTION: What's the funniest way to respond when somebody called Lorraine asks what you'd like for your tea?
ANSWER: Shout "Quiche, Lorraine!" furiously, while trembling and twitching!

QUESTION: What sort of headwear do dentists wear to work?
ANSWER: A molar hat (bowler hat)!

QUESTION: Why couldn't the baby sheep feel its feet?
ANSWER: It had numb-lamb-limbs!

QUESTION: What does the "B.B." in B.B. King stand for?
ANSWER: "Burger Burger".

QUESTION: How do theme park owners track the number of passengers on their rides?
ANSWER: They use a flume log.

QUESTION: What sort of business did Benny Andersson set up when he left the music industry?
ANSWER: ABBA (a bar)!

QUESTION: Why couldn't the hairdresser decide what to use to style his hair?
ANSWER: "You might as well face it - he was drowning in combs!"

QUESTION: Why did the conductor arrive at the concert hall with a sack of falcons?
ANSWER: He wanted an all-kestrel (orchestral) performance!

QUESTION: What is the address of Area 51?
ANSWER: Number 52 Mustard Street!

QUESTION: If cows go "moo", and sheep go "baa", what noise do civets make?
ANSWER: "Achtung!"

QUESTION: Who is the biggest actor in Spain?
ANSWER: Samuel El Jackson (Samuel L. Jackson)!

QUESTION: What's the best way to deal with diarrhoea?
ANSWER: Clench your anus while handing out the cards.

QUESTION: What did Father Christmas say when he lost his passport?
ANSWER: "It'll turn up."