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THE MAN'S DADDY'S popular CHRISTMAS CRACKER JOKES

19/12/2018

12 Comments

 
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Hello. I'm a popular comedian called The Man's Daddy. What are you all having for Christmas dinner? I know it is custom to ingest a heated turkeybird, but this year I thought I'd mix things up a bit, so I'm just going to lay in the garden face-down and wait for a worm. When one rises from the sod, I shall greet it  thus: "Good afternoon, youngworm - and a Merry Christmas from all of us here on the surface! Yeah, noice. Well noice. Love it, mate."

Then I'm going to start screaming and sobbing and snapping my teeth, because it will have been the most subtle thing that has ever happened within the human world. 

Something many families like to do at Christmas is laugh erratically at the tiny jokes they find inside a Christmas crackuss. Nobody knows who writes the jokes, or how they get inside the crackuss, but this year the mystery shall be partly solved. Please understand: this festive season, YOU shall be the one compelling the "funnies" into the "crackuss"!

That is, if you'll be so kind as to use my special Christmas crackuss jokes!

So anyway, I really hope you like them. Yeah, I really do. Hope you like my jokes. Well, anyway, bye then. Gotta go now. Yeah, bye. Bye, then. Hope you really like my jokes. Okay, bye.

Yeah, bye.

Like the jokes, yeah?

Okay. Bye. Yeah, bye. Don't forget to like the jokes. Okay. Noice.
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INSTRUCTIONS: Right-click on the image above and save it to your computer. Next, print out the image, fetch your mother's sharpest scissors, and cut along the dotted lines (ask a grown up to help you if you're scared of "sharps"). On Christmas Day, slide the jokes inside the crackuss-crannies, then lounge back and watch the merriment initiate!
12 Comments
Treacle
19/12/2018 08:08:47 am

Hooray, the Christmas can begin. Also, you're up early this morn Mr B!

Reply
Mr Biffo
19/12/2018 09:27:05 am

It's Christmas!

Reply
RichardM
19/12/2018 09:00:32 am

Ahh, stuff the mince pies, Christmas is truly underway.

Actually... don’t stuff them. I like mince pies, A LOT. Any tips, people? Didn’t rate the high-end Tesco ones with a named brandy in them, think the standard Sainsbury’s ones are best so far. I hear good things about Lidl, however.

Reply
MENTALIST
19/12/2018 11:51:01 am

Aldi Special Selected all-butter mince tarts (with either flaked almonds or sloe gin).

They are not technically mince pies, since they're lidless, and thus ineligible for many of the mice-pie competitions that newspapers write about,but they are my favourite minemeat and pastry based festive snack that there is. I had my first one this year on November 1st, when I saw they'd gone out in the shop.

Reply
Adam
19/12/2018 10:23:23 pm

A bit pricey, and tough to get if you aren't in London, but the standard Fortnum & Mason mince pies are outstanding, certainly better than any other shop ones I've tried (even those Iceland ones that everyone bangs on about).

Reply
Dominic
20/12/2018 07:11:48 am

Make your own people, it’s so easy; ready made pastry, mince from a jar (avoid stuff that’s too fancy as the flavours are overpowering) it’s can barely be classed as cooking/baking but the results are so much better.

RichardM
20/12/2018 09:48:25 am

My geographical disadvantage (the Irish Sea) disallows two of these three options. I think I will make some with the kids at the weekend, all for their benefit obviously. For now: sampling Caffe Nero’s offering.

Mxtress Valleycat
20/12/2018 09:09:48 pm

The Iceland ones are pretty nice

Reply
Organised Rhyme
19/12/2018 09:24:53 am

The Aquaman joke is almost too good

Reply
Biscuits
19/12/2018 12:14:21 pm

Man's Daddy emerges to coat us in his festive offerings, and once more he has me laughing until I wheeze. Long live MD!

Reply
Robobob
19/12/2018 06:54:09 pm

Oh man I laughed TOO hard at the Christmas dinner one.

Reply
Matt
22/12/2018 07:01:57 pm

The Robot one is pure Digitiser!

Reply



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