THE MAN'S DADDY'S JOKES

Hello. I'm a popular comedian called The Man's Daddy. Except: I'm not a comedian at all!! 

Not really: I am a comedian - that was just me doing a joke. Do you get it? It was a special sort of joke designed to "pull" the "rug" out from beneath "you". What will he (I) say next?!

Here is what I will say next: please prepare yourself to accept a selection of my newest and finest jokes. I can't be sure, but I think these might be the newest jokes anybody has ever conceptualised. I hope they're ok.

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QUESTION: Who is the most hesitant cyborg in the world?
ANSWER: The Erm... inator.

QUESTION: Who is the patron saint of weasels?
ANSWER: St. Oats.

QUESTION: Where do motorcycles sleep?
ANSWER: Bedvrrrroooooooms (bedrooms)!

QUESTION: Which three consecutive letters of the alphabet does Mahatma Gandhi like best?
ANSWER: G and H, I...

QUESTION: Who is the least impressive superhero?
ANSWER: Ian Mann (Iron Man).

QUESTION: What are the coolest animals in the world?
ANSWER: Ratz.

QUESTION: Why did The Incredible Hulk sniff his dirty anus in front of the other Avengers?
ANSWER: He was a green grosser.

QUESTION: What are the most common reptiles in Ireland?
ANSWER: Craicodiles.

QUESTION: Which gangster was best at keeping his neck warm?
ANSWER: Scarf Ace.

QUESTION: What does Chevy Chase watch to unwind?
ANSWER: CC-TV.

QUESTION: What floats in the sea and sings?
ANSWER: David Buoy (American pronunciation).

QUESTION: How do you know if there's an elephant in your fridge?
ANSWER: You can probably see it (it's the big, grey animal - probably dismembered, depending on the size of your fridge).

QUESTION: What do skunks sit on?
ANSWER: Pews.

QUESTION: What do relieved churchgoers sit on?
ANSWER: Phews (pews).

QUESTION: What does Ted Danson sit on?
ANSWER: Cheers (chairs).

QUESTION: What do milkmaids with diarrhoea sit on?
ANSWER: Stools.

QUESTION: What are the worst birds in the world?
ANSWER: Subparrots.

QUESTION: Which painter used to soak his buttocks in vinegar?
ANSWER: Pickleasso (Piccasso).

QUESTION: Who's the last person you'd want to visit your wedding?
ANSWER: The Grim Reaper.

QUESTION: Why did the Frenchman treat his friends to a set of pomme-flavoured paddles?
ANSWER: He thought they deserved a round of apple-oars (applause).

QUESTION: What is the most flatulent breed of snake?
ANSWER: A blower constrictor.

QUESTION: What's the best name for someone who really likes flying striped insects?
ANSWER: Digby (Dig-bee) or Waspril. 

QUESTION: Did you hear me when I told you the first letter of the alphabet?
ANSWER: Eh?

QUESTION: What happened after the Big Bang?
ANSWER: Everything else.

AVAILABLE NOW FOR DIGITISER 2000 SUPPORTERS: 

Includes roughly 500 popular and brand new jokes, plus other all-new material - including an introduction from "Blyan" Adams!  Go here for further details.