Hello. I'm a popular comedian called The Man's Daddy.
You probably remember me from the TV show Mock The Week. I've never really been on it, but for reasons I don't entirely understand, you're reminded of me every time you watch it.
I've recently been preparing for my appearance on the TV show 'Mc The Weak', an insightful documentary series about an enfeebled Scotsman.
Oh look - my latest jokes have arrived. I wonder how excellent they're going to be this time.
QUESTION: What's the last thing you'd want to find on the end of your finger?
ANSWER: Your grandfather.
QUESTION: Where do heroes get buried?
ANSWER: In a braveyard (graveyard).
QUESTION: Why aren't there any painkillers in the jungle?
ANSWER: All the pharmacies are overrun with jungle animals, and the pharmacists are dead.
QUESTION: What did you dream about last night?
ANSWER: Going into the bathroom and seeing a Superman with no eyes shivering in your bath.
QUESTION: What's the last thing you'd want to see before going to sleep?
ANSWER: A murderer.
QUESTION: What was the most popular TV show in East Germany?
ANSWER: Stasi n' Your Eyes (Stars In Your Eyes).
QUESTION: What has grey fur, glasses, and eats children?
ANSWER: Wolf Harris.
QUESTION: What do you get if you cross a sheep with a mollusc?
ANSWER: A clamb.
QUESTION: What would you like for your dinner?
ANSWER: Muffin powder.
QUESTION: What do you call a divine ruffian?
ANSWER: A Holy-gan (hooligan/Holy Ghost).
QUESTION: How did the lead singer of Kiss - last name Simmonds - greet his personal cleanliness routine?
ANSWER: "Hi, Gene!" (hygiene).
QUESTION: What do you call an anti-social cake?
ANSWER: A muffian (muffin).
QUESTION: What do you call a man who makes badges?
ANSWER: A badger.
QUESTION: What do you call someone who gets up at the crack of dawn to read websites?
ANSWER: An URL-y riser.
QUESTION: What's the difference between a parrot and an alsatian?
ANSWER: One of them is a bird.
QUESTION: Where do people who’ve committed an online offence get tried?
ANSWER: URL’s Court.
QUESTION: How do you win what's in this locked box?
ANSWER: "Prize" it open (prise it open).
Those were all excellent jokes. I'm glad I stuck around for them. Well, I guess I'm done here. Bye.
COMING SOON: The Man's Daddy's Book of Popular Comedy Jokes (click here to find out how YOU can get a copy).