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THE MAN'S DADDY'S JOKE-A-THON

23/8/2016

14 Comments

 
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Hello. I'm a popular comedian called The Man's Daddy.

Sorry I haven't been here much, but I've been off working the cruise ships. It has been a lot of fun performing every night to fat seasick drunks on a boat, but I'm very glad to be back on the old terra firma.

Not least because on my last trip the entire ship went into lockdown due to the norovirus. Four people died, the ship had to be quarantined off the coast of Miami, and then a fire broke out which killed even more people.

Alright, that isn't a very funny anecdote, but... well... in fact, it isn't funny at all. It's just really sad and disgusting. I can still smell the smoke and poo.

Anyway. Onwards and upwards, as they say. Why not cheer yourself up with these jokes that I wrote while watching one of the passengers die? I hope you like them. Yeah, well, bye then. Yeah, bye. See you soon. Bye. Hope you like the jokes. Smoke and poo, yeah? Bye then.  Yeah, bye.



QUESTION: Which Jungle Book character is happiest when cutting the grass?
ANSWER: Mow-Glee (Mowgli)

QUESTION: Where's the worst place to go on holiday?
ANSWER: Your own grave.

QUESTION: What do you call a trio of French swordsmen who wish to eat Elon Musk, the co-founder of the company Space-X?
ANSWER: The Three Musk-Eaters (The Three Musketeers).

QUESTION: What do tilers do instead of staying in?
ANSWER: They grout (go out). 

QUESTION: Who is your favourite Spice Girl?
ANSWER: Fennel-Head.

QUESTION: What's the worst way to travel backwards in time?
ANSWER: Just feeding a pig with a spoon, and waiting a bit, yeah.

QUESTION: Which man-eating shark waits before attacking swimmers?
ANSWER: Pause (Jaws).

QUESTION: What should you do if your toilet is blocked with purple fruit?
ANSWER: Call a plummer (plumber).

QUESTION: What should you do if your anus is blocked with purple fruit?
ANSWER: Use haemorrhoid cream.

QUESTION: Who was the brightest pop singer of all time?
ANSWER: Hi-Vis Presley (Elvis Presley).

QUESTION: What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm?
ANSWER: Biting into an apple and finding a small brain.

QUESTION: Where do drunk fitness fanatics work out?
ANSWER: The gyn (gym/gin).

QUESTION: What do astronauts fear the most?
ANSWER: The space wobbles.

QUESTION: Where do people from Pennsylvania store their stationary?
ANSWER: In a Pennsyl case (pencil case)

QUESTION: What did you think of these jokes?
ANSWER: They were fine.
FROM THE ARCHIVE:
THE MAN'S DADDY: RACIST JOKES
​
THE MAN'S DADDY'S NEWEST JOKES
THE MAN'S DADDY: MOTHER-IN-LAW JOKES
14 Comments
Rakladtor IV
23/8/2016 02:50:41 pm

Clutching a cheese grater in his prehensile trunk, The Man's Daddy begins to eviscerate Roy 'chubby' Brown. As his world slips away, the last thing the comedy bigot hears is "WHO'S A CHEEKY CHAPPY? BYE THEN", repeated over and over and overovero

Reply
Jabberwoc
23/8/2016 03:30:25 pm

Sweet Lordy, Ju-Ju-Momma, I love The Man's Daddy's jokes.
They give me good time laughter smiles. Screw you.

Reply
Flatheaded Philips
23/8/2016 03:49:04 pm

Sweet Lordy, Ju-Ju-Momma, I love The Man's Daddy's jokes.
They give me good time laughter smiles. Screw you.

Reply
Chris Wyatt
24/8/2016 08:56:44 pm

That was poetry. Was almost like a Haiku. Brings tears to my eyes.

Chomboss Wankuss
23/8/2016 07:15:25 pm

Can we have a video of the man's daddy telling the jokes woth his special voice please?

Reply
Mr Biffo
23/8/2016 08:16:25 pm

October!

Reply
Not me
29/8/2016 01:32:49 am

OH HEYELL YEAH!!!

Chris Wyatt
24/8/2016 08:56:42 am

In a future post could we have a reveal-o of the Man's Daddy's legs? I've always wondered what shoes he's wearing.

Reply
Mr Biffo
25/8/2016 07:54:24 am

He just shuffles around on his stumps.

Reply
Damon link
24/8/2016 05:12:24 pm

As a Pennsylvanian I take offense. I keep my stationary on display for everyone to see. Stop spreading vicious hurtful stereotypes!

Reply
Mr Biffo
25/8/2016 07:54:48 am

Just the sort of overreaction I'd expect from a Pennsylvanian.

Reply
Chris Wyatt
24/8/2016 08:46:39 pm

I thought of some alternative punchlines:

What should you do if your anus is blocked with purple fruit?

* Apply for colonic irri-grape-tion (irrigation)
* Tart it out (Fart it out)

Reply
Cc
26/8/2016 12:07:20 pm

Love the Daddy

Reply
NEG
29/8/2016 10:49:13 pm

Beautiful!

Reply



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