THE MAN'S DADDY'S EXCELLENT SUMMER HOLIDAY JOKES

Hello. I'm a popular comedian called The Man's Daddy. You might have read one of my books: Harry Potter and The Order of The Phoenix by JK Rowling, or The Usborne Book of Explorers. I can't say I've read either of them - they've sat on my shelf for months. Never mind.

I'm actually thinking of writing a book called Fifty Shapes of Grapes. It is to be a reference book, showing images of all the fifty different shapes of grape. Unfortunately, I'm informed that there's basically one shape of grape: a sort of round shape. Oh well. It doesn't matter, I suppose. It's not like people are that interested in grapes.

Now that we are in the month of August, it is time for everyone to take their compulsory summer holiday. To celebrate this, here are some excellent holiday jokes, and some other jokes also. I hope they're ok. I wasn't really paying attention when I wrote them. Well... ok then. Bye. Enjoy the jokes. Yeah, bye. Hope you like my jokes. Bye.

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QUESTION: Where do Germans go on holiday?
ANSWER: Das beach.

QUESTION: Where does Noddy go on holiday?
ANSWER: Thailand (Toyland).

QUESTION: Where's the worst place for a boy to go on holiday?
ANSWER: Borstal.

QUESTION: Where do mouths go on holiday?
ANSWER: The Gobby Desert (Gobi Desert)/Oralando (Orlando).

QUESTION: Where do breasts go on holiday?
ANSWER: Boobzil (Brazil).

QUESTION: Why did you bury your father up to his neck in the sand?
ANSWER: "His body had died, but his head was alive!!"

QUESTION: Where do people who live at the seaside go on holiday?
ANSWER: Further out to sea.

QUESTION: What should you do if a jetty offers you a cigarette?
ANSWER: Don't give in to pier pressure.

QUESTION: What's the worst bird in the world?
ANSWER: Hitler bird.

QUESTION: Why is Hitler bird the worst bird in the world?
ANSWER: He's a real pest!

QUESTION: What does Hitler bird say all the time?
ANSWER: "Peep-peep! I'm Hitler bird!". It's SO annoying!

QUESTION: Why is it so difficult to wash dirty specks out of gymnastics gear?
ANSWER: A leotard doesn't change its spots.

QUESTION: What's the easiest way to abridge a book?
ANSWER: "A bok."

QUESTION: What's green and healthy and flies around on a magic carpet?
ANSWER: Saladdin.

QUESTION: Why did the rhotacism sufferer always miss his preferred mode of transport?
ANSWER: Because never the "twain" shall meet.

QUESTION: Who's the coolest guy you know?
ANSWER: Todd.

QUESTION: Why was the bee which followed the eighth bee the most harmless bee?
ANSWER: Because he was "benign" (bee 9).

QUESTION: Why did the High Court judge have a sore throat?
ANSWER: He suffered from law-ryngitis. 

QUESTION: How did the High Court judge embarrass himself in court?
ANSWER: He pooed himself.

QUESTION: Do you like me?
ANSWER: Yes.

FROM THE ARCHIVE:

• THE MAN'S DADDY'S NEWEST JOKES
  
• THE MAN'S DADDY'S GENERIC JOKES
  
• THE MAN'S DADDY'S FANTASTIC JOKES