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THE MAN'S DADDY'S ELECTION SPECIAL

8/6/2017

13 Comments

 
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Hello. I'm a popular comedian called The Man's Daddy. I'm here today with some fantastic topical political jokes that I've written to mark the 2017 General Election. I hope these jokes are okay. I just made them up off the top of my head. It only took me a couple of minutes. Oh well.

Please be aware, that these jokes are just for fun, and even though they will be among the most satirical jokes you'll ever read, they are not in any way intended to influence your decision on polling day.

In fact, I don't even know who I'm going to be voting for. I never do. Last time, I even spoiled my paper! Although that was mostly an accident due to a bout of particularly angry diarrhoea... It was awful to be honest with you. I started screaming when it wouldn't stop, and one of the returning officers had to drag me out of the booth by my ankles! I didn't even really know what was going on.

Anyway, it's almost time for you to have a read of the jokes. I really hope they're okay. Well... anyway. Bye then. Yeah, bye? Bye, okay? Hope you like my jokes. Bye. Enjoy my jokes. Bye.

QUESTION: If Theresa May was a plant what sort of plant would she be?
ANSWER: A horrid crocus!

QUESTION: Where does Tim Fallon live?
ANSWER: In a little peg box!

QUESTION: What does Theresa May want to privatise in Scotland?
ANSWER: The Loch NHS Monster (Loch Ness Monster)!

QUESTION: What did Jeremy Corbyn shout when he saw the full moon?
ANSWER: "Lenin!"

QUESTION: Why does Theresa May want to abolish human rights?
ANSWER: To banish human wrongs!!! Hnnng! Hnnng!

QUESTION: Where does Jeremy Corbyn store his trousers?
ANSWER: In the ferret nest behind your house!

QUESTION: What does Theresa May have on her back?
ANSWER: One droopy boob and three hairy coins!

QUESTION: What did Tim Fallon use to wipe his mouth after eating?
ANSWER: The tip of a frond!

QUESTION: How many Conservative MPs does it take to change a lightbulb?
ANSWER: Nein!

QUESTION: How many Labour MPs does it take to change a lightbulb?
ANSWER: Neinteen!

QUESTION: How many Liberal Democrat MPs does it take to change a lightbulb?
ANSWER: Neinty nein!

QUESTION: What is Theresa May's favourite TV show?
ANSWER: The Many Votes of May (The Darling Buds of May)!

QUESTION: What is Jeremy Corbyn's favourite TV show?
ANSWER: Craftin' With Cogs.

QUESTION: What did the big Tim Fallon say to the little Tim Fallon?
ANSWER: "Tim, what time Big Ben?"

QUESTION: Where does UKIP leader Paul Nuttalls do on his holiday?
ANSWER: Ostensibly, he just slithers beneath a smock and munches on a big pickle!

QUESTION: What does Nicola Sturgeon eat?
ANSWER: Cullen skink!

QUESTION: Theresa May has a vestigial twin on her left shoulder. What is its name?
ANSWER: Brougham May.

QUESTION: What is your favourite political party?
ANSWER: The Brown Traders!

QUESTION: Charlie is to Farlie as Corbyn is to...?
ANSWER: Brodax!

QUESTION: Why is Theresa May so rambunctious?
ANSWER: Brougham is controlling her.

QUESTION: What is UKIP leader Paul Nuttalls riddled with? 
ANSWER: Racism and gonorrhoea! 

QUESTION: Why did Jeremy Corbyn think the atrium was rad?
ANSWER: It was festooned with bunting!
FROM THE ARCHIVE:
THE MAN'S DADDY: POLITICAL JOKES
​
THE MAN'S DADDY - AND HIS POPULAR AUSTRALIAN JOKES
THE MAN'S DADDY - AND HIS PHABULOUS PHUNNIES

13 Comments
Sven
7/6/2017 03:36:42 pm

Is Mr PSB on the man's daddy's writing team?

Reply
Mr Biffo
7/6/2017 06:02:29 pm

Literally frowning.

Reply
MrPSB
7/6/2017 08:10:39 pm

Goodness me, no, I can only get it up once a week.

Reply
Clive Peppard
7/6/2017 05:02:37 pm

*Backs Slowly out the forum*

Reply
RichardM
7/6/2017 05:07:37 pm

Oh, why are situations involving explosive diarrhoea so amusing...

Reply
Treacle
7/6/2017 07:47:47 pm

The Man's Daddy, you are the king of all jokes, japes and fooling.

Reply
superfog
7/6/2017 10:17:51 pm

The Man's Daddy has delivered the most thoughtful and witty analysis of this most tedious and boring season of "politicians actually bothering to pretend to give a shit about the people that they are supposed to be working for"

None of the above please* ('cept The Man's Daddy)

*They should have this on the voting slip, if the more than 50% of the electorate register this, then the candidates should be either:

a) imprisoned for a year and forfeit all assets
b) watch an entire series of Escape from the Countryside**

**only joking, no one deserves that...

Reply
Gerge
7/6/2017 09:20:48 pm

What if Digitiser was modarn? Man with Large Chin get 4K TV with curved scren

Reply
Picston Shottle
8/6/2017 04:52:31 am

Ahhh...never fails to make me chuckle. Best. Comedian. Ever.

Reply
King of Duckhenrys
9/6/2017 07:55:27 am

I'm sure there is a joke about the strong and stable PM calling a snap election that has left her party weaker and parliament in a more unstable state.

Reply
Biscuits
9/6/2017 10:35:04 am

Q. What did Theresa May have for lunch on the day she called the snap election?
A. Hubris! (hummus)

Reply
Petal
9/6/2017 10:37:42 am

QUESTION: Why is Theresa May so rambunctious?
ANSWER: Brougham is controlling her.

This is the best one

Reply
Cc
9/6/2017 06:52:31 pm

Haha. Still love the daddy. Haha. (chuckles recede into distance)
Ha.

Reply



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