THE MAN'S DADDY'S BUMPER SELECTION

Hello. I'm a popular comedian called The Man's Daddy. I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but I've got some bad news. Are you ready to hear it? Okay. Well, here goes nothing... the news is: I really don't like greens!

​Now that we've got that out of the way, perhaps you'd like to invite me around for dinner. My favourite food? Well, I'd really like a plate of stewed genes, with a nucleic acid dressing. Yum yum.

Yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum  yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum  yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum  yum yip yip yum yum yum yum yum yum  yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum  yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum  yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum  yum yum yum yum yum yum yum yum?

Anyway. Here are some cool new jokes that I've written. I hope you think they're funny. Here are the jokes now. Fingers crossed you like them, okay? Well, bye anyway. Enjoy the jokes, yeah? Okay, bye. Bye then. Have fun with the jokes. Yeah, bye. Bye.

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QUESTION: What sort of keyboard has its first six letters laid out as Q, U, I, R, K, Y?
ANSWER: A QUIRKY keyboard!

QUESTION: Which Sesame Street character lives in a bin?
ANSWER: Mucky Mannerz.

QUESTION: What are the ingredients of a fisherman's pie?
ANSWER: Cockerel veins and strawbs!

QUESTION: Why was Umberto Eco popular?
ANSWER: Because he was so Eco-friendly!

QUESTION: What was Jesus' favourite food?
ANSWER: Bible gum (bubble gum).

QUESTION: What is a pigeon's favourite food?
ANSWER: Cooing gum (chewing gum).

QUESTION: Why is the theremin the best musical instrument ever?
ANSWER: "Theremin-ing" (the remaining) instruments aren't as good.

QUESTION: Why are your family all asleep, apart from Uncle William?
ANSWER: Because Uncle William drugged them all during your bah mitzvah!

QUESTION: What's the easiest way to remember the alphabet?
ANSWER: Learn all the letters in the correct order.

QUESTION: Why was the dolphin hunched over when he walked?
ANSWER: He was walking with porpoise (poor poise).

QUESTION: What's your favourite food?
ANSWER: Nick's Nibbles (so tasty)!

QUESTION: What's the appropriate way to bid farewell to an aircraft with two wings, stacked on top of one another?
ANSWER: "Bye, planes!" (biplanes)

QUESTION: What's for dinner, mum?
ANSWER: Ribs!

QUESTION: What's for dinner, Uncle William?
ANSWER: Human hair!

QUESTION: What's the stickiest lunch you can have?
ANSWER: Glue!

QUESTION: Why did the Adhesive Killer get away with his crimes?
ANSWER: There were never enough "glues" (clues)!

QUESTION: What's the best part of the Bible?
ANSWER: "Psalm 42:11 - My wallet is like an onion. Opening it makes me cry!"

QUESTION: Why does opening your wallet make you cry?
ANSWER: It's full of onions.

QUESTION: What is a bird's favourite movie?
ANSWER: Geese 2 (Grease 2)!

QUESTION: What's the fastest way to complete a jigsaw?
ANSWER: Do it really quickly.

QUESTION: What is the King of the Gods' favourite children's TV show?
ANSWER: Jupiter (Blue Peter)!

QUESTION: What did the miner shout when he kicked the flammable black rock into a net?
ANSWER: "COAL!" (goal)

QUESTION: What's the best way to surprise a friend?
ANSWER: Do something unexpected!

QUESTION: Why was the sniffer held back a year in school?
ANSWER: He failed his smellin' test!

QUESTION: What book is the most impossible to read?
ANSWER: The Can'terbury Tales!

QUESTION: Why is a pork pie like a sailor man?
ANSWER: Because it is a po' pie (Popeye)!

QUESTION: What was the diarrhoea-suffering yachtsman's greatest achievement?
ANSWER: He was the first person to soil around the world!

QUESTION: Why did King Neptune soil himself whenever he sat down?
ANSWER: He had watery stools!