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THE MAN'S DADDY: THESE ARE HIS JOKES

22/10/2015

5 Comments

 
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Hello. I am a popular comedian called The Man's Daddy. You've possibly seen me once or twice before - I recently stood for high office in your local constituency, as a member of a political party, the name of which escapes me. It's one of the big ones, I think. Oh well. Never mind. 

​If you haven't seen me in my former capacity as a political candidate, you might have spotted me hanging around on your shed roof, lunging at nearby trees, and soiling myself.

While I was up there I thought of some really good jokes, which I'd now like to share with you. Hope you like them. It doesn't matter if you don't - I just hope you do. Anyway. I'm off now, so bye. Yeah, bye then. I'll maybe see you another time. Hope you like my jokes. Yeah, bye. Bye. See you soon. Yeah.

QUESTION: Why couldn't Doc Brown see the one or two seats that were behind him?
ANSWER: Because he had his "back to the few chairs" (Back to the Future).

QUESTION: Who is the most popular rapper in Scotland?
ANSWER: McHammer.

QUESTION: What are the most disgusting shoes in the world?
ANSWER: Ughs.

QUESTION: Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?
ANSWER: Bird reasons.

QUESTION: Why did the man jump in the sea while dressed as a green Teletubby?
ANSWER: He was a Dipsy diver (deep-sea diver).

QUESTION: What was the Mexican megalomaniac planning to do?
ANSWER: Taco-ver the world!!!!

QUESTION: How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?
​ANSWER: 120.5.

QUESTION: Which celestial being suffers from curvature of the spine?

ANSWER: The Arched Angel Gabriel.

QUESTION: What's the frequency, Kenneth?
ANSWER: 120.5FM.

QUESTION: Why does my grandad keep eating peri-peri chicken even though he doesn't like it?
ANSWER: Because my Nan does (Nando's).

QUESTION: How can we be lovers if we can't be friends?

ANSWER: Inappropriately.

QUESTION: What flies through the air playing a lute?
ANSWER: A bard (bird).

QUESTION: What flies through the air so fast you can't see it clearly?
​ANSWER: A blurred (bird).

QUESTION: Why hasn't David Cameron been hungry since he left school?

ANSWER: Because he's already Eton!!!!!!

QUESTION: What are the most easily irritated spheres in the world?
ANSWER: Testycles.

QUESTION: What is it about pillows that you like the most?
ANSWER: Their dryness.

QUESTION: What was the consequence when Jihadists burn down Salman Rushdie's house?
ANSWER: Smoked Salman.

QUESTION: Who is the most odious member of the Royal Family?
ANSWER: Her Royal Heinous The Princess Anne.

QUESTION: What do you get if you fling a crab at a police car?
​ANSWER: Arrested.

QUESTION: What should you do if your wheat field goes missing?
ANSWER: Call the crops.


QUESTION: Which bells are too stupid to ring?
ANSWER: Dumbbells. 

QUESTION: Why are dumbbells known thusly?
ANSWER: Because they're used by idiots.
FROM THE ARCHIVE:
THE MAN'S DADDY: TOPICAL DAVID CAMERON JOKES
THE MAN'S DADDY: HILARIOUS JEREMY CORBYN JOKES
THE MAN'S DADDY'S FANTASTIC JOKES

5 Comments
Nathaniel Woomspune
22/10/2015 02:18:59 pm

Dear Man's Daddy; i can't believe I am having to run through this with you again: Some of these are simply facts and NOT jokes. A joke, as any self respecting 'jokist' will tell you, consists of a statement, a diversion and then the old switcheroo, what jokists call a 'punch line', and while a punch line doesnt have to be funny, it should still be a punch line. Stating that Kenneth can be found on frequency is 120.5FM (also 663 MW) is merely a fact. That aside what the lord taketh away he also giveth and i must congratulate you on the majority of your schtick; more jokes about pillows next time please. Also, how do you propose I clean my shed roof?

Reply
Mr Biffo
22/10/2015 08:42:13 pm

The Man's Daddy suggests "a wire brush".

Reply
Leg fan
23/10/2015 12:06:12 am

Hey BMaster-iffo, why can't we see The Man's Daddy's legs?
(please don't say 'leg reasons')

Reply
Abuchanx
25/10/2015 02:04:52 pm

If my memories/nightmares are true, it is because those legs are horrifying.

Reply
Hillary (not that one)
26/9/2016 01:33:53 pm

These jokes are so good I just read them again and laughed just as much as the first time I read them or possibly even more

Reply



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