THE MAN'S DADDY: Really Excellent Jokes

Hello. I'm a popular comedian called The Man's Daddy. You're probably thinking all kinds of stuff right now: what is he doing here? What is he going to do? When is he going to start doing whatever it is that he is going to do? These are natural thoughts at this time: the time at which I have appeared to you.

This week, I've been having a recurring thought of my own: I suppose I should write some jokes.  

Here are the jokes that my thought - the one I just told you about - prompted. They're really excellent jokes.

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QUESTION: What is the most singular vegetable in the world?
ANSWER: The one-ion (onion).

QUESTION: Where do marine mammals buy their bricks?
ANSWER: Walls-R-Us (Walrus).

QUESTION: Why can't a leopard change his spots?
ANSWER: He has a "set pattern" of behaviour.

QUESTION: Why are tortoises so stupid?
ANSWER: Because they are turt-les (taught less).

QUESTION: What do you get if you cross a fish with a stalagmite?
ANSWER: A narwhal.

QUESTION: What do get if you cross a hippopotamus with a haemophiliac?
ANSWER: A haemopotamus. 

QUESTION: What happens if you put a lemon in a cat's mouth?
ANSWER: It really doesn't like it.

QUESTION: Do dogs like it when you put lemons in their mouths?
ANSWER: No.

QUESTION: What about monkeys?
ANSWER: Don't know about them.

QUESTION: Did you actually put a lemon in a cat's mouth then?
ANSWER: I tried to. I got it in a bit. Just like the top bit.

QUESTION: Why do that?
ANSWER: I don't really know. It just started hissing and trying to get off my lap.

QUESTION: Don't you think that's a bit cruel?
ANSWER: Hadn't thought about it. It was funny at the time.

QUESTION: What's the matter? Why do you look really sad all of a sudden?
ANSWER: I just feel a bad about putting the lemon in the cat's mouth. I wish I hadn't done it.

QUESTION: Are you ever going to put a lemon in an animal's mouth again?
ANSWER: No. I'm sorry I ever bothered. 

QUESTION: Now what are you going to do?
ANSWER: Have some lunch.

QUESTION: What's for lunch?
ANSWER: Ghee.

QUESTION: Do you have that on toast, or...?
ANSWER: Just eat it out of a jar.

QUESTION: With a spoon?
ANSWER: Yeah.

QUESTION: You're really quiet. What's up?
ANSWER: Nothing. I'm just trying to slip some ghee into the cat's mouth, but it's not having it.

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AVAILABLE NOW!!!

100 pages of classic and never-before-seen jokes and features by The Man's Daddy! It's a popular comedy classic! Just look at what they're saying:

"Thanks" - Mr K, Luton
"Thanks for sending me the book" - Mr N, Manchester
"Thanks for sending the book. I'll read it this weekend," - Mr P, Inverness
"Thanks for that. Looking forward to reading," Mr L, Bournemouth

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